The first is unintentionally hilarious:

I was at Starbucks yesterday behind this old woman (i would guess in her 80's). she looks at me and smiles. I smile back. Then she looks at me again. and smiles. then she looks at the cashier, then back at me, then back at the cashier. Finally, she turns to me, motions to the cashier, and says, "she's fat" to me and then walks away. i was dying of laughter. giggling, even.

The second will be unintentionally hilarious to others, but to me, it's somewhat of a mystery:

In order to drop your child off at school, all mothers are required to wear skirts. That's a school rule. a ridiculously insane rule, but a rule nonetheless. But, i drive straight to work after i drive carpool, and i can't wear a skirt to work every single day. it's just not going to happen. so, i pulled out my gray cotton stretchy skirt and put it on over my pants. I looked really awful, but hey, it was just to drop Emily off at school. so, as soon as i got to my car, i pulled off the skirt. But now, for some reason, i can't find the skirt. i know, it makes no sense. but i looked in my bag, in the car, everywhere. i don't know what happened to it - it vanished into thin air. hmmm...