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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
"Couch-bound woman's death raises questions"
umm....ya think?
my first question is how the f#$%^k does a woman get so fat that she actually becomes part of her couch?

I'd like to thank my friend Howie for showing me that morbid obesity is NOT a laughing matter :)

I got me a carpool
Daniel : Can't one of the neighbors drive the carpool? What about Mr. Kopek?
Mrs. Miller : He's 88.
Daniel : So he'll drive real slow.
Mrs. Miller : He's had three strokes.
Daniel : But never while driving.

oh, happy day. my carpool woes have come to an end. I've got a carpool!! woohoo!! let's uncork the best champagne. I can't be smiling any bigger!!

I've been so stressed and worried about this all summer, and finally, the Diamond family has come through. I am forever in their debt.
Happy Birthday, Wonderbra!
The wonderbra is 10 years old! in 1994, a wonderbra was sold every 15 minutes. I will admit it, I'm a big fan.

The statistics say that Americans spend 5 million dollars a year on bras, which is the state of New Hampshire's budget for an entire year!

I don't know, I guess girls with small boobs are easy. I can go into la senza and buy a bra for 12 dollars...but several of my more endowed friends spend over $100 a bra! I couldn't even imagine.
Monday, August 30, 2004
How is it possible... gain 4 pounds in one weekend??!!

I don't even understand. Okay, fine, I did eat way too many blondies (we're talking in the double digits) and I did eat to my heart's content over the weekend, but 4 pounds? For god's sake....thank heavens i'm going to the gym tonight. I'm actually looking forward to getting my lard-ass body (27.7% body fat....27.7% body fat) into shape
Friday, August 27, 2004
News from the front..
~~ Tiny Fey (from Mean Girls fame) has made a deal to write Curly Oxide and Vic Thrill. It is the true story of a Chasidic Jew and a grizzled rock star who form a band. According to, Curly Oxide is the stage name of the young Chasidic Jew who wandered into a Brooklyn bar where Vic Thrill drunkenly played his raucous music. Thrill struck up a conversation and a mutual interest in music led Thrill to invite his new friend to visit his nearby recording studio. The duo began writing and performing music together, mingling their cultures in the playful lyrics.
What? I don't even get it...

~~ Paris Hilton is now a writer. yes, you heard it here. apparently, she will be publishing a 198-page memoir, "Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose." Why, oh why, is she getting a book published before me?? She might not even know how to spell published.

~~ okay, this is just hysterical. Both Tony Danza and Jane Pauley are set to have their own talk shows. And both are using the same tag-line to plug their shows - "A Familiar Face In a Brand-New Place" Who would win out in the battle of the housekeeper and the anchorwoman? I'm not sure, but I'd love to see the Celebrity Deathmatch on what one.

~~ oh, the Coreys (this one is for you, Michelle!!) We were reminscing about the Goonie days... I found a recent picture of the Coreys. It's not a pretty site.

I'm pretty sure that Samwise Gamgee wins the most successsful Goonie award. Josh Brolin comes in second place, but only because he's sleeping with Diane Lane.

just a little side note...i'm well aware that Corey Haim was NOT in the Goonies...but he came into play when we were discussing Corey Feldman...

~~ Oh, Britney, you never cease to amaze me.

I did find a quote from Graham Norton that was so funny I think a little pee might have come out: "Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are hoping the new mansion they've just purchased will be ready in time for their wedding. It could take a while, because it takes a long time to weld together a hundred trailer homes."
Oh...Jordan Catalano...
last night I stumbled upon a really old episode of My-So-Called Life. I haven't watched an episode of this show since mtv re-aired the series about a hundred years ago. i think i was still in high school... I remembered the episode (for those of you enthusiasts out there, it was the one where angela scalps her dead tickets) almost word-for-word....because that's the kind of nerd I am...

Oh...Jared hot...and he was relatively clean back then and only scruffy and mysterious in a Dylan McKay kind of way...not like the homeless person he sometimes resembles these days.

They must be re-airing the episodes because 10 years ago on August 25th, The first episode of MSCL was aired on tv. ah..the good old days..

And the good samaritan award goes to...
yours truly.

yesterday when I got home from work, I saw this guy trying to get his stalled car started. I asked him if he needed any help and he asked if he could use my phone. Then I offered him some gas that we had in the garage. Of course, I couldn't find the funnel so it totally didn't work. But then this random guy shows up and actually helps poor broken-down car guy push the car into my driveway, and then drives to the gas station to get some gas for him. (maybe the good samaritan award should go to this random guy...well, we can share it). I let broken-down car guy sit in my garage and got him a drink while we waited. Then he told me that I was "a really good woman." Thanks, Bucko. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever been called a woman.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Marky Mark and his Funky Bunch
So...I said I wasn't going to watch, but i did usual.
hubby was out playing baseball and I was home alone with nothing to do - a rare occurance around here. So, i watched HBO's new show, Entourage.

I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though it seems the critics are split on whether or not they like this new Mark Wahlberg produced male-bonding show.

The best thing about the show is Jeremy Piven, who I've always thought was f#$%ing amazing in everything he's been in, except maybe his short stint on Ellen Degeneres' show, "Ellen." I mean, he was in Say Anything and Lucas :) He grew up in Chicago and he lived with John Cusack. He will always be good in my book. And there's something adorably sexy about him too. (take that, Giblet, he doesn't look like a woman!)

I highly recommend.

Do I like men who look like women??
my top 5 today (i say today because the bottom 3 tend to change depending on my mood- #1 and #2 are solid):

Jude Law
Jared Leto
Cameron Mathison
Brad Pitt
Ewan McGreggor

and an honorable mention goes to chad michael murray because he's hot :)

Can someone please...
tape or tivo Oprah for me today.
my hunny bunny is going to be on it and i NEED to see it.


The return of loud mary...
...she's Baaaaccccckkkk, and she's louder than ever.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
I only speak the truth
"Don't worry, Shakespeare, you'll get your endin'! After the duke gets his end in"

What a great line from Moulin Rouge.

What's even greater though is that the character's name is Nini Legs-in-the-Air. no joke. that's how she's billed at the end of the movie.

ah...good movie. The thing about Moulin Rouge is I think people either love it or hate it. we tried to watch it with my sister and my brother in law and they couldn't turn it off fast enough...they really weren't at all interested in watching. and i just adored it - i loved the music, the characters, everything.
I'm 27.7% body fat. according to this handy dandy chart, i'm considered overweight! Me! Overweight. So, you can see why i was slightly downhearted when i came home from the gym last night.

on the bright side, he did say that my BMI was relatively low. great. a lot of good that does me after he tells me that i fall into an overweight category.

That's it. I'm mad. And I'm going to attack my fat. starting right now. you heard it here first.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Bend it Like Beckham
"All I'm saying is, there's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!"

this has got to be the funniest line from this movie.

this one's pretty good too:
"She's not Lebanese, she's Punjabi!" I laughed out loud at that one!

I'd have to say, all in all, this was a pretty good movie. Keira Knightley is just beautiful, even if they try to make her look "sporty" in her "trackies" There has to be something said for a man with an accent. The guy who plays Joe, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, isn't all that easy on the eyes (he's no Jude Law or Ewan McGreggor - - -although he does slightly resemble a combination of the two...), but there's something about that Irish accent, man... that makes me a little weak in the knees. If he hadn't had an accent, he certainly wouldn't have gotten a second look from me, but i managed to find something sweet and cute about the bloak.

Whatever happened to
the American Juniors. anyone? anyone? anyone willing to confess to watching the American Idol version for preteens?

come all know you remember AJ Melendez and the Thompson twins?

I was just wondering what happened to them...
I am now a wee fish in a big pond...
...of really skinny and fit people. Yes, I've joined a gym. It's called Extreme Fitness and it's the most incredible gym I've ever been in. They have everything - amazing classes, machines with personal tvs, a pool, even a tanning bed... I must say, though, that I'm super intimidated.

I've never worked out in front of men before! I used to belong to The Women's gym at the promenade. Sure, i didn't like working out in front of people i knew, but that somehow seems like a breeze next to working out near strangers. I don't know why, and it doesn't really make any sense. But, these people yesterday were all in shape and knew what they were doing...

I have a fitness assessment this afternoon...wish me luck! i need it!
Monday, August 23, 2004
She has hit rock bottom...literally

holy y'all remember when i posted about someone at work using the bathroom without shoes on??? Okay...that was bad, but it was an office bathroom....this, my friends, is a public toilet (it doesn't even deserve to be called a bathroom!!) - she's moving down lower and lower in my books....nasty.
"Tell them Scotland is free!"
Even though Ewan McGreggor says that "It's shite being Scottish" in Trainspotting, he's definitely wrong. It's definitely WAY more interesting to be Scottish or Irish than it is to be American or Canadian. I've recently become obsessed with going to Scotland and Ireland.

And I'm completely convinced that I have some sort of Irish or Scottish blood in me. And it would only be fitting that i would be a member of the Abercrombie Clan. ha!
cuz i'm a blond....yeah yeah yeah...
ah...yesterday was a "pamper me" day. i got my hair cut and highlighted. There's almost nothing i enjoy more than sitting in that chair and doing nothing.

But, I really don't like to chat while i'm having my hair done (or my nails done, or fact, the only place i enjoy the mindless chit-chat is while i'm getting waxed...i think it takes away from the pain somehow). I'm not sure what the protocol is. Am i being rude by NOT talking up a storm? Is it normal to sit in silence while you are getting all foiled up? I don't want to be rude, but there are so few moments of my day that are actually quiet and peaceful, and I really take pleasure in them.

There's something else i take pleasure in....It always feels really good when hair professionals tell you, "Wow, your hair is super clean" and "You have amazing hair...i really don't want to cut it short" and "I can see that you take really good care of your hair" - and yesterday was one of those days. I got all three!

so, despite my hubby's plea to cut my hair short ala Rory Gilmore, I didn't cut much off in the end, but i did get dramatically blond highlights, which i absolutely adore. I'm getting mixed reviews from my friends. Actually, only one person, URI, said that he didn't like it, but the truth is, none of my girl friends are going to tell me the absolute truth anyway - even if they hate it, they will still say that it looks good. That's just how girls are.
Friday, August 20, 2004
from Christine...who always makes me smile :)

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand:

Breaking News!!
Tinkerbell has been found and has been returned safely to her owner, Paris Hilton.

Thanks heavens. Now i can finally rest easy.
I'm Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Wow...i'm almost speechless. Almost.
I saw Sarah Mclachlan with my friend Sharon at the Molson Amphitheatre last night. Besides the fact that I hadn't realized that this venue was OUTSIDE and froze my ass off, I enjoyed every single second of the show, from the opening act, Butterfly Boucher (which is, in fact, pronounced like voucher, not like Adam Sandler's Bobby Bouch-ey), to the four-song encore at the end.
Sharon and I have been trying to see Sarah since I moved to Toronto in 1997. But, alas, we couldn't make it to a few of them, and she hasn't toured since 1999. She was so happy to be up on that stage, and it showed in her smile throughout the two- hour set.
She sang all my favorites - - "Hold On", "Possession", "Angel", "Adia" - she did them all.
It did make me think of the old school and get all nostalgic. this time I will take a moment to give a shout out to my friend Becca (who just had her second daughter, Maya, just over a month ago) who was the best roommate ever when we were in Israel for the year. My most vivid memories of that year always have "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" playing on repeat in the background (or sometimes it's counting crows...another fantastic album). Becca! I miss you!
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Pica, you say
I just came across this story. it's both really really sad and really really amusing to me at the same time.

A 62-year-old man went into the emergency room of Cholet General Hospital in western France in 2002. He had a history of major psychiatric illness, was suffering from stomach pain, and could not eat or move his bowels. His family warned doctors that he sometimes swallowed coins, and a few had been removed from his stomach in past hospital visits.

The doctors were awed when they took an X-ray. They discovered an enormous opaque mass in his stomach that turned out to weigh 12 pounds - as much as some bowling balls. It was so heavy it had forced his stomach down between his hips.

He had swallowed around 350 coins - $650 worth - along with assorted necklaces and needles.
no fluids... please i'm packaging up a fed ex envelope to send out and i read this warning on the envelope: do not send liquids, blood, or fluids in this package. What the hell?? do you think they really need a disclaimer like that?
Shmoke and a Pancake??
Goldmember : Would you like a shmoke und a pancake?
Austin Powers : A what?
Goldmember : A shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No? Shigar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a kipe? No? Bong und a blintz? No? Then there ish no pleashing you, Mishter Powersh!
Austin Powers : That's not right...

had to get my Austin Powers fix in this morning...
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
"Nobody can eat 50 eggs"**
I will never again have to hear the word Habibi come out of Mirna's mouth, now that she and her cousin Charla have been Philiminated in what might have been the most emotional elimination ever (Phil was crying...wuss).

Oh my lordy, I swear I wanted to punch her in the face every time I heard her say Habibi. I definitely didn't want them to win - Mirna was super annoying. But they certainly made for good tv. I loved watching Colin and Mirna bicker back and forth. It was great. All the exciting teams to watch are always eliminated. I couldn't stand Allison and Donny, but they were fantastic to watch.

Charla and Mirna were all about the hypocrisy. They played both cards - one minute they are all about the "I may be little, but I can do anything" (and I am not doubting that she can - when she carried that Flinstone-sized meat because whino Mirna was too weak to do it...I was impressed) and the next minute they are all "help me...i'm small and I can't carry my luggage...get me on a flight first because i'm small..." They used the fact that she has a form of dwarfism when it suited them.

other thoughts...."I want ten dollars" - that cracked me up! How was it that the second group ended up paying $110 for the bus while the other two paid 5 dollars and 3 dollars, respectively??!! And which bonehead twin said that she was thankful that she had Brandon around to be the man??!! Yeah, he really saved the day there.

go Chip and Kim!!!

**I realize they only had to eat the equivalent of 12 eggs, but I was quoting Cool Hand Luke :)I guess Ethan Hawke did it much better than I in Reality Bites. He was hotter. and greasier.
Your Tribe Has Spoken...
It's baaaaccck!!
Yes, it's true, the contestants in Survivor Vanuatu have been revealed. see for details.
The series' 9th edition will begin airing Sept. 16 at 8 p.m. with a two-hour premiere. There will be 14 fresh episodes, rather than the usual 13. and 18 contestants as opposed to 16.
I can't believe that i still get excited for this show. And i don't know...there's just something about Jeff Probst...
The Dude Abides...
1. "Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?"
"Sure, that and a pair of testicles."

2. "This is not Nam, this is bowling. There are rules!"

3. "Obviously, you're not a golfer."

4. "I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye."

5. "It's all a goddamn fake. Like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you'll, uh, you know what I'm trying to say--"
"I am the Walrus."
"That fucking bitch!"
"I am the Walrus."
"Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!"
"What the fuck is he talking about?"

6. "And, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian American, please."

7. "You mark that frame an 8 you're entering a world of pain. A world of pain."
I got up at 0500 this morning. what's the 0 stand for?
OOOOh my god, it's early!

it was actually 4:45 when Joshua decided to wake up. The big mistake that we made was letting him get into bed with us. Then it was all over. "Mama! Dada! Where's Emma? I want milk! Milk! Milk! tv! blue? bed. Mama bed!" you get the idea...this is what we heard until 6:30 this morning....ah!!

All i can say is...thank the lord for coffee. I wouldn't be functioning this morning without it. and i went all out this morning for the large $1.43 coffee. I mean, really, who charges $1.43 for coffee? they'd be better off with $1.50. nice round number. now, i have to fish out the 43 cents every morning. what a pain in the arse.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Forks and knives and spoons, oh my!, I don't eat properly with my fork and knife.
The "European way" is cutting with your knife in your right hand and eating with your fork in your left hand. no swtiching hands to eat. Tines on the fork are pointed downward towards the plate.
The "American way" is to cut with the right hand and then switch your fork over to right hand and scoop the food up with the tines pointed upward, using the fork as some sort of shovel.
My way is to hold my knife in my left hand and my fork in my right hand. I don't really use my knife to cut, but to sort of hold the food down while i use my fork to "cut" the food. i know it probably doesn't make any sense when you read it, but it's a little shall we say...terrible looking.

i'm thinking that chopsticks might be the way to go for me...
This is me...saving Mary-Kate
Hold on to your Shnitzel folks....
i don't even know what that means, but last night on my way home from Joe and Stephanie's wedding, i saw this huge billboard for a volkswagon that said, "hold on to your shnitzel" and i couldn't stop laughing. fine, i was a little on the drunk side, well, maybe not drunk, but quite happy on diet coke and vodkas, but it was so funny.

Monday, August 16, 2004
Holy Overflowing Toilet, Batman!
So, my daughter decides that the best place to dispose of her empty bottle is down her toilet. Brilliant. Of course, not only did she do this, but she didn't tell us until three days later. Usually, this wouldn't be a problem because that toilet is used so infrequently.

but, of course, we had houseguests this week.

I think one of my biggest fears is being in someone's house and overflowing their toilet. Lucky for me though, my grandfather was a plumber and he taught us a good trick. Or maybe Gav taught me the trick. i'm not sure where it came from. Either way, it's a good bit of advice. Never flush twice. People panic when the water doesn't go down so they flush again before the water has a chance to refill itself. that's when the toilet overflows. So...all you people with the same fear as me, and i suspect there are several of you...don't panic and flush twice.

Fortunately for them, and for us, the toilet didn't overflow. But, they did come downstairs looking for a plastic Sobey's bag. We still don't know what they were doing up there with the bag...and i'm not so sure that i want to know...but now we have to get a plumber in to fix the toilet. argh.

A little bit of cover my nut
that's for you's my new favorite phrase.

~~ Jen and Brad decide to adopt.

~~ Fred Savage marries an old childhood girlfriend...and it's NOT Winnie Cooper!!

~~ Justin decides NOT to do another album with his former band, 'Nsync. Good move.

~~ Nicky Hilton 20, married Todd Andrew Meister, 33, in Vegas.
Friday, August 13, 2004
I'm sooo in the mood for sushi right now.
There's is this one roll at Umami that i can't get enough of. Tempura Yam. Mashie thinks it tastes like Krisy Kreme.
yes...that's exactly how i like to eat my veggies. deep fried, wrapped in carbs, and dipped in sodium. ha!
Just One of the Guys**
Last night i went to Gav's baseball game. i was running around all afternoon and pretty much forgot to drink anything. so, on my way to the game, i downed 2 1/2 bottles of water. needless to say, by the time i got to the field, i had to pee like a racehorse (however they have to pee...:)). I PEED IN THE BUSHES!! I'm so embarrassed that i had to do this in front of a whole bunch of guys, but the way i see it, it was much more sanitary than using their public bathrooms.

So, the other team didn't show up and they called the game at 9:15. a few of their guys showed up a while later and they decided to play - just for fun, and they let me play! I was up to bat three times and hit the ball all three times. I only got on base once out of those three times, but i was pretty impressed with myself anyway. I haven't played baseball since the old school - Academy intramurals in 1996 - the joke...that's really what we were called...ah the good ole days.

**as a side note...Just One of the Guys is a movie from the 80's that i have seen about 100 times. it is the ultimate in cheese and really isn't a very good movie. but if you haven't seen it, i recommend checking it out - if for nothing else than to see William Zabka in his bad-boy heyday. He's Johnny from Karate Kid. I think he may have been my first crush when i was about 9. i even had a picture of him hanging on my door that i had ripped out of Bop magazine.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
My Sixth Sense...
I'm pretty sure that i saw M Night Shyamalan this morning while i was driving to work. I haven't been able to figure out what he was doing driving east on the 407 in a Toyota Sequoia with Ontario plates....but, nonetheless, i'm still pretty sure it was him.
Next Stop, Wonderland.
So, we went to Wonderland - WITHOUT KIDS - last night and actually got to enjoy the park like normal people. I swear it's been at least 5 years since I've been on a rollercoaster, so, of course, i was apprehensive before going on. I actually wasn't scared of the ride, i was scared of the possibility of puking or someone near me puking.

During the first ride, Top Gun, I thought i was going to die. I kept my eyes tighly shut and held on for dear life. But, by the end of ride, I was totally excited and into it. I was reliving my youth. We went on a whole bunch of rollercoasters - Vortex, Dragon Fire, Minebuster, Wild Beast...there were some others too.

And then Michelle convinced me to go on the trampolines. Little did we know that they were going to weigh us - not once, but twice - before going on. For the record - - - their scales are wrong. the first scale weighed me about 10 pounds too high and the second weighed me about, Canada's Wonderland - - - you officially SUCK! So, despite the weighing-in stress (which i haven't been stressed out about since my OB visits when i was preggers with Josh), the uncomfortable harness that accentuated my booty, and the fact that i couldn't get my legs over my head to flip even though the four-year-old next to me had no problem doing it, it was a blast!

And we thought we were in the clear - we managed to go to Wonderland without Emily finding out. Until Gav woke up this morning with a spongebob squarepants stamp on his cheek. He must have slept with his hand touching his face, because there it was this morning, clear as day.....Daddy had been to Wonderland (or wonders-land as she likes to call it).
Marshall and Lance are Philiminated
An Amazing Race first! A team throws in the towel. babies. I liked how Phil made a point of saying that it's the first time he's had to go out to a road block site to eliminate a team, instead of on that little carpet. tsk, tsk you lazy-ass brothers.

I'm liking Chip and Kim more and more every week. I think the cat-fighting between Mirna and Charla and Colin and Christie is going to leave an opening for Chip and Kim to fly under the radar and win this thing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004
This Just In
Justin is off the market, girls.
yes, it's true. Justin Timberlake has proposed - down on one knee, natch - to Cameron Diaz.

Who has better odds of staying married longer - Justin and Cameron or Britney and Kevin???
I'm Pure Evil...
so, i was at Sobey's yesterday and i was standing in line to check out. A lady came up behind me and left her stroller in line - with a sleeping baby in it - to go and grab some more items. I looked at the baby for a while - she was really cute. I suddely had an urge just to poke her - not a hard poke, just enough to wake her up a little. i don't know why i had this urge - maybe it was to teach the mother a lesson for leaving her child in line to go and do some more shopping, or maybe it's because i just can't let sleeping babies long as they aren't my own.
Four members of a family have been arrested and charged with murder for allegedly killing and eating a relative during a wedding reception -- and serving his flesh to unwitting party guests, police have said.

see the story here.
Pain in the Arse
I guess i must be really out of shape, because i'm hurting.
My ass is killing me from playing squash. i need to work out more often.
Good Morning Baltimore
We bought a subscription to the theater with our friends Mashie and Ezra. We got to see six plays - some were good, like Chicago, and some were bad, like the Canadian one about the girl who eats dirt.

Last night was our last play - Hairspray. We decided that because it was Ezra's birthday we'd go out for sushi first. yum. We were a little bummed because we had asked them to bring out a cake and sing Happy Birthday, but they forgot. poopies. They did give us the cake for free...but we managed to forget it at the theater.

The play was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it. It was very loud and gaudy and cheesy and lovable at the same time. And it was funny. I laughed so much. The funniest part, I think, is that the girl who plays Tracy Turnblad was on American Idol last year - Vanessa Oliverez. Gav wasn't too into the play, but the 1/2 bottle of Smirnoff that he downed helped him tolerate it.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Poor Paris..
...she certainly has had a rough couple of weeks. First she breaks up with Nick Carter, then she goes out sporting some serious bruises, her house was broken into (although, since she leaves the door unlocked, i'm not going to feel all that bad about that one...), and now she was attacked by bees!

On Sunday at the Teen Choice Awards, she and fellow award show host Nicole Richie were attacked by a swarm of bees on the blue carpet. Their publicists and other stars watched as the two flailed their arms and screamed like little girls, but brave pop star Christina Milian helped shoo the pesky bees out of Hilton's Farrah Fawcett 'do before they had a chance to sting.

Stokke Xplory
I have to thank my baby board for giving me a good laugh this morning.
Check out this stroller!

and here's a picture of it in action!
Three Things
Three things that scare me:
1: Puking
2: Other people puking
3: Losing people close to me

Three people who make me laugh:
1. Emily
2. Joshie
3. Austin Powers

Three Things I love:
1: how my kids smell when they come out of the bath
2: chocolate chip cookies straight out of the oven (or before they are even cooked...mmm...raw cookie dough)
3: the book i'm reading..."Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging"

Three Things I hate:
1: racism
2: bad grammar (except when it's used in a blog - then it's okay)
3: hanging up my clothes

Three things I don't understand:
1: Women who smoke (sorry to any of my friends who may be offended)
2: Why any of our ancestors would settle in a place as cold as Canada. Had they gone a little farther south, I wouldn't have to live through the winter.
3: why people never comment on my blog

Three things I'm doing right now:
1: Reading some reviews of native manuscripts
2: Drinking water.
3: Reading an email from my hubby.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1: go to Europe
2: Get a book published
3: become a grandparent

Three things I can do:
1: I can scrapbook pretty decently
2: I can hit a golf ball fairly straight
3: I can cook

Three things I can't do:
1: drive stick
2: get ready quickly
3: bring myself to eat fish....yuck

Squash Me
So last night, in our effort to do something sporty once a week, I played squash for the first time. And I have to say, except for the serving part, i wasn't all that bad. Gav was taking it easy on me, but i was hitting the ball, and that's all i really cared about.

After we finished playing, we watched these two guys play. they were amazing. but i couldn't really concentrate - i was too disturbed by the fact that i had gotten a wet ass from sitting down on the couches in front of the squash courts. this means that the person who sat on the couch right before me was sweating so badly that he left some sweat behind. ew.
Monday, August 09, 2004
random thoughts of the day
Why is it that we are not fined for using Handicapped bathrooms???
And why is it that EVERYONE in my office will go into that stall, even when the other two are empty. I honestly don't even know if there is anyone in my office who is, in fact, handicapped, but when there are three open stalls, why does every person choose the one stall that she shouldn't be using??? Yes, the stall is bigger, but ya really need all that room to pee? It's not like you are having a picnic in there or inviting all your friends. you sit, you do your business, and you leave. why must you have all the extra room?
Leaving on a Jet Plane
So, my sister-in-law Debbie left yesteday morning, with her three kids, to go back to Israel. They were in Toronto for three years. It was so sad to say goodbye.

I, of course, had a good cry. I knew going in that if i looked at Adina, it was going to be all over for me. But, it was looking at Debbie that totally set me off.

I can't say that I am particularly close to her, she is 8 years older than i am, and we are very different people, but I've gotten very used to having her and her kids around. It's going to be a hard adjustment for all of us.

Last night Emily said to Gav as he was putting her to sleep: "Daddy, is Tali close enough for me to walk to her house?" He told her that she would have to take a plane and then she said, "well, once we get off the plane, can we walk there?" She just doesn't get it. She's doesn't know any different then having her cousins around her. She will be the most affected by this, i think.

Ten thousand years...
...can give you such a crick in the neck.

apparently, other things will give you cricks in the neck as well. I spent almost my entire weekend not being able to turn my head to the left, which, let me tell you, is not all that easy when you are driving.

and my mother, god bless her, is officially insane in my books. I tell her that I have this muscle ache in my neck and back and she tells me to put the phone down and put my chin to my chest.

"Does it hurt?" she says.
"A lot or a little?"
"I don't know. It hurts mom. It hurts enough that I don't want to do it again."
"Well, I don't want to scare you.....but....this is the season for meningitis you should go to your doctor and get it looked at."

Is she mentally insane? Why on earth would she tell me it's meningitis? It's a freakin' muscle ache.

It's a good thing I don't live at home anymore, because I would have spent my entire night on Friday in the ER.

btw - anyone know what movie the above quote is from????
Friday, August 06, 2004
4 out of 5 ain't bad!
For those of you who remember my goals of the week, i was able to accomplish 4 out of 5. For those of you who don't remember or who need a little refresher, look here.

The only goal i have yet to accomplish is buying the gifts that we owe. That will be a number 1 priority on my list for next week. Technically, i didn't lose three pounds, but we got a new scale and it's putting me at about 2 pounds less than i weighed even if it's not actually losing the weight, it puts me at a number that i'm happy with.

I think i get a little extra bonus for finally calling facilities to come up and fix my workstation. Oh, thank heavens for Wendy. She's officially saved my life - well, she's definitely saved my back. She came in and basically told me i was a mess. She fixed my chair, raised my monitor, aligned it correctly, and got me a corner thingy-ma-jig for my keyboard. She's also decied that she needs to drill a whole in the back of my desk to move the compter base (is that what it's called??) to the floor, so it's out of my way. ah!!! i'm a happy camper.
Rock the Vote!
I am now officially registered to vote in the upcoming US election.

All of my American friends....please register to vote. and make sure that on election day you actually do vote. it really is important. Remember that people died so you could have this right.

All of my American friends living in Canada....please register to vote absentee and make sure you vote. If you aren't sure how to do it, go to It's the site i used. it's very easy to use.

now y'all have no excuses!
Reality Round-Up II
Last night I got the chance to check out MTV's Ashlee Simpson show. I swore that i wouldn't watch it, but reality tv is like a car crash to me - - i don't want to look, but somehow i can't look away.

I feel so bad for the poor girl. In this episode that i watched, Ashlee did a commercial for pizza hut. Jessica comes out wearing a really pretty silky-type sleeveless shirt and they have Ashlee in jeans and a cowboyish type get-up. And her hair, oh good lord, her hair. It's bad enough that she dyed it brown (yes...i get that she's trying to be "rocker chick"...but it's awful), but the style was just horrific. Jessica looked gorgeous, and Ashlee looked, well, she looked like Jessica's little brother.

We now move on to the next hardship in Ashlee's life. She has both acid reflux (which is burning her vocal cords..ew) and a deviated septum (for which she needs to sleep with this contraption on her nose) so she has to go to the doctor to find out if she will be able to perform in her first performance ever.

Turns out that she can, but she shows up late for her soundcheck and sucks ass. At this point, i think Mr. and Mrs. Simpson are hoping Ashlee doesn't quit her 7th Heaven day job. But, she pulls it out in the end and rocks her as off. literally. she didn't stop shaking her booty the entire time. Gav thinks she'd make a really good stripper. Not with that face, though. Jessica, who had just gotten lasik eye surgery that day, showed up to the concert wearing black goggles that covered her eyes. ha! i got a good 30-second giggle out of that one.

at the end of the day, i can't say that i really feel bad for Ashlee Simpson - - she is on 7th Heaven, has a hit album (i'm still not quite sure how that happened), and has her own show on MTV. hard life. But, it must be hard living in her funnier, more talented, and prettier sister's shadow. Ashlee, here's my one bit of advice. Take your deviated septum straight to your neighborhood rhinoplasty clinic and let's work on that hair - back to blond, please, for the sake of those around you.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Reality Round-up
Amazing Race

Sorry, folks, i didn't get to comment on the Amazing Race yesterday because i didn't watch it until last night.

What a waste, though, because LM (Loud Mary) at work spilled the beans about the non-elimination round before I even watched the show. I didn't want to know, but she's so loud, that even on the other side of the wall, i was still able to hear about it.

A few things. Brandon saying "Chip, can you help a brother out?" got lots and lots of laughs out of me. I'm trying to picture my brother - who reminds me way too much of Brandon - sayng that to someone. giggle. giggle.

Also, the doublemint twins have got to go. I even prefer the pizza brothers (who i think should be the next to leave this game after the dim-witted sisters)to them. One of them, and i seriously can't tell the difference, said at one point, "we're clueless." Boy, was she right. Understatement of the season.

Btw - The Amazing Race 6 is being filmed now, and CBS is already looking ahead to a seventh season. Although the series has yet to be officially announced, the network is casting for The Amazing Race 7 -- and applications are due next Wednesday (unless the deadline gets extended). Anyone want to go with me???

The Bachelor/ette

Jenn Schefft was chosen to be the Bachelorette on the third installment of the show. Maybe the previous winner of the Bachelor will have better luck on the Bachelorette. It's funny how Trista and Meredith, the two previous bachelorettes, are the only ones who stayed with their choices.

The Simple Life

Fairly disappointing season finale. They give Bob some tips on being more romantic. aw. Paris gets back on a horse. What a trooper. And they save a cow from being slaughtered ("They are going to kill Bill!" - just thought that was funny).

Paris: "How many more miles to LA?"
Nicole: "How the $%@&%* should I know?"

here's to hoping they don't make another season...
yeah...this is the man i want as my president...
Both Bush and Kerry were in the same town in Iowa campaigning, apparently only a few blocks apart. The media asked Bush about them being so close together:

Reporter: Mr. President, what do you think about you and Senator Kerry being in the same town at the same time?

Bush: I like corn.

this is NOT a joke. I got it from a very reliable source.

I challenge you to a duel!
this is a public challenge for the Paskowitz family. Because you both are contesting our win on Sunday night, I challenge you to a rematch or to play another game! Bring it on! Your choice - Balderdash, Scattergories, Scrabble, Cranium, Risk, Clue, Scene It, name it, we'll play it!
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
you know you are Canadian when...
You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".

You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink Pop, not Soda.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, John Candy, William Shatner, Tom Green, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, Pamela Anderson Lee & many more, are Canadians.

You know that the CEO of American Airlines is a Canadian.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".

Your local newspaper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".

You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.

You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"

You pronounce "about" correctly; not "AH-baht".

Your Beer Case handles Are Big Enough To Fit Your Mitts

you own 5 pairs of hockey skates and only one pair of shoes.

touched by tigger
what is wrong with this world?
A 13-year-old girl has testified that Michael Chartrand fondled her breast.
the kicker - Michael Chartrand works at Disney World. He dresses up as Tigger. The girl has testified that last February, while she and her mother were taking a picture with Tigger, he touched her breast.
you can read the full story here.
There Goes the Neighborhood
(or neighboUrhood for my Canadian friends out there)

Last night when i was on my way to pick up Sarah, I saw the neighborhood boys hanging out on the street - this is normal, they are always there, slacking. This time, though, one of the boys was talking to someone who was driving a car. The driver-side window was open and the guy just unzips his pants and lays his goods right there on the open window. Holy crap.
Hey, it's that dude from Breaker High!!
Last night I went to see The Notebook, and had myself a big ole sobfest. I swear to god, i don't remember the last time i cried that hard watching a movie. At the end of the movie, Michelle and I couldn't get up yet because we were still wiping off our faces, and Sarah was sitting in her seat laughing. She had just realized that the star of the movie, Ryan Gosling, was on the show Breaker High (if you aren't familiar with this show, it's high school on a boat). But, i know Ryan Gosling from the old school....from when i watched The Mickey Mouse Club religiously....I was such a nerd...

It turns out, though, that the geeky guy from Breaker High is a really good actor. I saw him in The Believer and have been a big fan ever since. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
My Goals of the Week
1) befriend the new girl at work.

2) lose three pounds (not happening...but it's good to aim high)

3) try not to get frustrated with the kiddies in the morning

4) buy gifts for the MANY people we owe (no joke, there are like 9)

5) fill my car with gas before the empty light lights up
Contrary to Popular Belief...
1) Monica Lewinsky, while on the Larry King show, never said, "I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."

2) The movie Fargo was not based on a true story. That was a joke made up by the Coen brothers.

3) You will not catch a cold from going outside with wet hair.

4) A baby born in-flight does not receive free air travel.
My a nutshell...
...look at a nutshell...(had to throw some Austin Powers in there. See, i told you, there's an Austin Powers quote for every situation...)

whew. i'm pooped. long weekends are great because i don't have to go to work and i get to spend an extra day at home with my husband and my kids. But, they sure are tiring.

We rewarded ourselves on Sunday night and Monday night by going to friends for dinner - without kids! What a pleasure. Not having to chase the kids around to get them to sit down to eat. Not having to worry about the time because we want to make sure we get the kids to bed. Not having to miss complete conversations because the kids are screaming in my ears.

It was quite nice. I got a little drunk on sunday night (you know you have no tolerance when you get drunk off of ONE beer and shot of Kahlua that you nursed for about 30 minutes before finally finishing it), played a little trivial pursuit (and WON - even though our hosts will argue because we didn't actually finish the game, but we were ahead when the game ended, and that counts in my book).

On Monday we went to the waterpark at Canada's Wonderland with our friends who also have season passes. (as a side note, the next time you see Gav, ask him to see his wonderland pass - he thinks his picture makes him look like Frankenstein. it's hysterical!) We had a great time - it was so hot, like 95 degrees, so it was a perfect day to spend at a water park.

I must say, though, that there are certain people out there (you know who you are...or maybe you don't...) who should NOT be wearing bikinis. I'm all for people being comfortable with their bodies and kudos to them for not feeling too self conscious to go out in a bathing suit (like i am...even though i did wear my bikini for the first time in canada...woo hoo...go me...), but come on people, for the sake of other people, if you are lopping out the sides of the bathing suit, and if your stomach is hanging over your bikini bottom, wear some sort of cover-up. please.

I don't know how Gav and Uri managed to get completely sunburnt head to toe, and i got NO color. nothing. nada. zilch. the big "O". What's wrong with me? I didn't tan, I didn't burn. i spent the entire day in the sun in nothing but a bikini and have NOTHING to show for it. I would almost prefer the burn. Well, maybe not.
penguin trauma
When Josh turned on the tv on saturday afternoon, the show that was on was some nature show about killer whales eating penguins. I was very nervous that Emily was going to be traumatized from this. Instead, she turns to us in complete delight and says, "Daddy, the killer whale just ate the penguin! Ha Ha Ha" and giggled for a good five minutes afterwards. So much for being traumatized...
Monday, August 02, 2004
Apparantly, vintage is out...and retro is in...
...just ask my 3-year-old. She's into everything I was into as a kid - care bears, cabbage patch kids, strawberry shortcake, my little pony.

I guess it makes perfect sense...why would manufacturers come up with new marketing ideas that could possibly fail, if they can just recycle all the old stuff that they already know was a success?

makes me want to kick myself for not saving all my t-shirts and pajamas and stuffed animals...Emily would just love them.
Why You Should Never Put Your Picture on the Internet..
visit this won't be sorry...

Welcome to Bowmanville...
where the cows are mutants and the elephants are well hung.

we went to the Bowmanville zoo yesterday with my inlaws and my sister in law and her three kids. They chose to drive the 45 minutes because it's much more hands on, which is perfect for my kids who go running the other way as soon as they get close to an animal. They are such chickens (no pun intended).

There was a cow there that had an extra leg hanging off of his back. I swear I almost lost my lunch. There it was, hoof and all, just dangling off the poor animal's back. Yeah, way to go, good way to traumatize kids (not to mention certain adults too...)

and we went to this zoboomafoo and friends stunt show where toothbrush the elephant did all sorts of tricks, including lying on top of his trainer. I guess this excited him just a little bit, because right before the end of the show, his little friend made a surprise appearance and almost poked the eyes out of the kids in the front row. I swear, it was the size of Emily!

I'm a displaced American writer, mom, and wife living in Canada who muses about my life, my kids, my tv watching and my slight obsession with celebrities.
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(Random Site)
Reading Lolita in Tehran * Azar Nafisi
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close * Jonathan Safran Foer
i bet you look good on the dance floor * arctic monkeys
the skin of my yellow country teeth * clap your hands say yeah
chasing cars * snow patrol
movie script ending * death cab for cutie
anthems for a 17-year-old girl * broken social scene
all these things that I've done * the killers
one more night (your ex-lover remains dead) * stars
a little less 16 candles a little more touch me * fall out boy
the great salt lake * band of horses
october, first account * be your own pet
mushaboom * feist
letter from an occupant * new pornographers

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