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Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Blurred Vision
this week has been such a blur and it's only wednesday.

it could be from the fact that it's an uncharacteristically warm week - between 95-100 degrees out. i love the heat, don't get me wrong. i LOVE the heat. i just don't like it when i'm inside.
when the sun in shining and i'm outside - i love it. when your a/c is on the fritz and it's BOILING hot in your bedroom, for some odd reason, it's less enjoyable for me.

it could be because i haven't seen my husband all week. husband? i even married??? between baseball, meetings, subway strikes and more meetings, i really have not seen him at all. he comes home after i'm already in bed. it's a vicious circle. he's not home to help me at dinner and bedtime, so i'm wiped by 9 pm. when he gets home at 10 and wants me to be awake, i don't have the energy. i.don't.have.the.power.

it could be because my son was left at school. it could be because my daughter had a presentation that i missed. or because i had to do the frustrating ballet pickup/commute/screeching kids/hilaryduffmovie drive TWICE this week instead of once. or because my friends are fighting and don't like it. not one bit. it could be because i keep hearing about people who don't like me (which is NEVER, EVER a nice thing to hear, regardless of the reason).

i can't believe it's only wednesday.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I have been coughing up blood AKA The Apprentice
~~I've been coughing up blood as well. it's a natural reaction to Lee's three choices.
i mean, i knew he'd take Lenny. but Pepi? who the hell even is that?

~~Carolyn's laughter on not knowing who Pepi was one of the best reality TV show moments ever. She was about to CRY, people!

~~was anyone else bothered by Tammy's non-reaction to Andrea's medical emergency??
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~~"I'm in there like swimwear." both lame and creepy.

~~If Lee loses this is will be Lenny's fault.

~~Poor, poor Brent and his hovering of desperation.

~~um, yeah, much like the finale of American Idol, i really couldn't give a crap who wins this thing.
Monday, May 29, 2006
welcome to our ool. notice there's no p in it. he.
our friends have a pool.
this automatically brings back memories of when i was 16. and people came crawling out of the woodwork to be my friend because i had a car in 10th grade.

we were friends with them before the pool. for the record.

but i was thrilled to go swimming yesterday. (we were the second friends to use it....i told Jack as long as we made the top 5 i was happy...).

my body is not-ready-for-pool, though, and i have a giant, scary-ass bruise on my upper thigh (it's from my infant seat that, yes, isabella is WAY to giant for...i know, i know, mad mother....), and i was suffering from end-of-the-weekend bloat-ious maximus. good thing i have my miracle suit that makes me look skinny. woohoo. also, i'm white. pasty, pasty white.

Emily is a daredevil. and not scared of anything. she was ready to go leaping off the diving board.

Joshua is a big red chicken. the only way we were even able to lure him into the pool at all was because he's more afraid of their dog and Jazzy doesn't go in the water, so to Josh, the pool was a jazzy-safe environment.

Isabella is a mellow little kitten. she had a blast splashing and kicking and just being in the water. she definitely had the best time of anyone. what a cutie.

i still have no tan to speak of, but i guess it's still only May.
Color me all kinds of confused...
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muscle t, boxers, yellow vinyl shoes???
what is he thinking?
surely, this man can afford some decent workout clothing.

on a side note, look at those arms. yum.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Thanks to the Goofy Ass Chick!
she really made my weekend.
she stumbled upon this clip.
she, like i, can't seem to get enough of Chris Daughtry these days.
mmm..he's hot. and singing Plush? even hotter.
Friday, May 26, 2006
shoot the messenger, please.
i often wonder how my mother came to be the president of an entire organization. a very successful organization, to boot.
because, in many ways, she is a child.
she's scatterbrained.
and forgetful.
and inconsiderate.
need i go on? you know there's a story coming here, so let's proceed, shall we?

at the beginning of February, i visited my mother. february was what...3 months ago? almost 4?
i left a box at her house. it was all wrapped up and ready to be shipped. inside it included a baby gift for one friend, a baby gift for another friend, and a cookbook (said cookbook was given to my mother to deliver to a friend about 8 months prior to this event, but i'd since gotten over that.). the instructions were simple.

"Ma. I've addressed the box and sealed it up. you just need to go to the post office to drop it off."
"Sure, Ali. No problem."
lest you think i'm a moron and can't go to the post office myself - i live in canada, and just assumed it would be cheaper to ship from a US address to a US address. cheaper and quicker.

i thought it odd that neither one of my friends mentioned the gifts.
so, when my mom came to visit me in mid-april, i casually mentioned it to her.

"Ma. did you ever send that box?"
"Oh, i totally forgot. i feel terrible."
"Ma. the outfits aren't going to fit these babies anymore."
"I'm so sorry. i will send them the minute i get home."

you can see where i'm going here.
about 3 weeks ago...

"Ma. the box?"
"Oh. i didn't send it."
"How hard is it to drop it off at a post office. jesus, you can just take it to work and have your secretary take care of it for you. you have 2000 people working under you - surely, you can figure out how to get this done. i'm embarrassed now. and the clothing is NOT going to fit."
"here's what i'll do. i'll go out and buy replacement gifts and send them tomorrow."
"i think that's the least you can do."

last night.
"I didn't send it."
"It's the end of May."
"I know. i'm sorry. please give me your friend's phone number. i will call her and arrange to drop off some new gifts for the two of them."

honestly, how does this woman make it through the day?
who wants to bet when this will actually get done??
Thursday, May 25, 2006
The Three _____s on a Desert Island Meme
i've been tagged. thanks, Stephanie. :)

If you were stranded on a desert island (without Ginger and the Professor and all those folks to keep you amused), which three _____s would you bring?

Franny and Zooey
To Kill a Mockingbird
Lord of the Flies

Rolling Stones - 40 licks
U2 - The Joshua Tree
Almost Famous Soundtrack

i'm going to take the liberty to change this to people i don't know. otherwise, i could make too many people mad...
Jeremy Piven
Jeff Probst
Ellen Degeneres

mmm...tagging...Becca, Rebecca, and Haley.
mmm...Chris Daughtry...wait, what? he didn't win? what the fuck is wrong with America??
~~Wow, i'd have to say the most satisfying portion of last night's finale, well, the second...because naturally, the first was the big ole' Ace and Chris hug, which i paused and rewound, much to my husband's dismay...mmmmm....Ace and Chris.... ah, yes, where was i...oh, yes, David Hasslehoff crying like a little schoolgirl. bwah!
~~oh my god. the hair? the hair! it took me about 5 minutes to realize that no, it wasn't pee wee herman or KD Lang on the stage, it was, in fact, Clay Aiken.
~~mmm...Chris and Ed Kowalczyk. loved it.
~~is there something wrong with Meatloaf? he sounded like he was sick last night.
~~Chicken Little, singing What's New Pussycat. i'm still chuckling over that one.
~~anyone else find Toni Braxton all weird and awkward-like when she sang "in the ghetto"? like her mouth wasn't matching up with the words or something? scary scary whore...
~~I think Kat's tits are actually growing. and where was the person who dressed her last night hiding all season?? she looked amazing last night.
~~Pickler is comedic gold.
~~I was hoping Kat and Taylor would do "the lift". come on, you all know what i'm talking about...
~~Chris really likes the tight pants. mmm...Chris in tight pants...

Wednesday, May 24, 2006
I cheated on my colorist.
and i'm feeling guilty as hell.
i'm not even 100% sure why i did it. i really like Jodi. she's always been a great colorist. i've never had any complaints. good salon. i get a good cut there too. they tend to be very pushy pushy with their products but usually i kindly decline.
i guess, truth be told, it was an affair of convenience.
i tried to book an appointment with Jodi and she was busy. and i was pretty desperate to get my hair colored. since it's been god-only-knows how long and my roots, they were a mess. so, i called the new place. it's my place of choice for waxing. so...i figured...let's give it a shot. if it's a place i'm willing to trust with my nether regions, it's probably a place i can trust with my hair color.
it was a very different experience. she was way less chatty than Jodi. she did the coloring differently, and little pieces of white things kept flying into my eyes. i started to panic. what was i thinking? what was i getting myself into? i was nervous that it was going to be a disaster. and i was going to have to go crawling back to Jodi and pray that she would take me back. without a fight.
and then, in front of the mirror, i discovered that it looked pretty great. not really very different than how it usually looks
but, the guilt is killing me.
it's tearing me apart.
i'm going back next time.
and i'm going to have to come up with a good excuse for my cheating ways.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
you've got to be freakin' kidding me AKA Apprentice
~~so, Lee wins the Apprentice. he. i can't see Sean and his wanky mcwanker talk winning this thing. does anyone else get uncomfortable when Sean gushes about making babies with Tammy?? ew.
~~okay, this:
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and this:
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i wish i had a good photo of the culottes. culottes???? it's 2006.

~~like Sean said, "Dynasty called. They want their shoulder pads back!"
~~best line of the night: "I guess a metrosexual is...not a homosexual, and not a's somewhere in-between?"
~~i think the double firing was a cop-out just to get to the final 2. it wasn't THAT catty of a boardroom. it wasn't like Alla and Felicia last season.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Happy Victoria Day
whatever the heck that is... (okay, yes, i googled it....)
well, it means no work for me, which is always a nice way to spend your birthday. at home. with the family. no work.

but, the family's not here. the husband has taken the kids to Canada's Wonderland. and the bella is sleeping.
my task for today is to clean my house because, seriously, it's a disaster. i feel like Cinderella. "oh, and for a special treat, you get to clean the house for your birthday! yay!"
oh, and i must ice the cake that my kids made for me. red velvet. velvet....
is it wrong to be icing your own birthday cake???

we saw DaVinci code last night. mixed reviews from the people we were with. some hated it, some gave it a 7 out of 10 (you know who you are :) ) i enjoyed it. thought the acting was crap. except for Silas, because he was fucking creepy. i don't know. i guess because i was expecting it to be unwatchable, i was pleasantly surprised. the pace was good, it was pretty true to the book, and the visuals were great.

is it wrong to eat the cake before the family comes home, because, damnit, it looks REALLY good.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Friday's Feast
Feast Ninety-Four

What is the last thing you had to have repaired?

Repair? what is the meaning if this? repaired by myself? i took my car to the dealer to be repaired...does that count?

If someone gave you $2,000 with the stipulation that you had to spend half of it on yourself and give the rest to charity, where would you spend the $1,000 and which charity would receive your remaining $1,000?

does private school tuition count as a charity? because that $1,00o would go right to that...
um, actually, no, i would give it to this organization called Emunah. I volunteer for them, and i am even on the council and am co-editor of the newsletter. but, i always feel guilty that i just don't have to money to give to them. it's such a great charity, so i'd really like to help them.

my $1,000. i'd spend it all on clothing and shoes. because i'm totally shallow like that. and no, since you are all thinking it, i WOULD NOT buy another stroller.

What is one of your favorite songs from the 1980s?

Forever Young by Alphaville. i could think of about 100 more, but i love love love that song. oh..and Footloose by Kenny Loggins...

Main Course
You enter a pet store. Which section do you go to first?

i head for the door because it smells so bad. probably to the puppies. they are so cute to look at and NOT have to take home.

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how athletic are you?

5? i don't know. i need more of a gauge of what a 1 is and what a 10 is.
i was SOOO not expecting that AKA The OC
~~holy crap. i thought she was leaving the show, you know, like on a boat, to the greek islands. too many people die in the OC. i can't believe they killed Marissa Cooper. (can you see the sharks jumping???)
~~loved when Ryan called Summer a beeyotch.
~~snerk...Ryan wouldn't do anything different, except Oliver. he. i love the past season shout-outs. Luke.
~~I guess now i guess i know how the show will keep them all in cali. and now there's really a spot for Taylor in the "Core 4"
~~also, i thought Marissa looked awesome last night. her hair looked the best i think it's ever looked. perfect. right before she dies.
~~this is going to kill Julie.
~~liked the awkwardness of the Seth and Marissa hug.
~~best line? "Thanks for letting me into your box, Summer."
~~I loved Ryan's little pushing of Summer right before graduation. is it just me...or would they be smnokin' together?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
thanks to Jodi, I'm absolutely dying of happiness.

check out this video.
if you are a fan of grey's anatomy or of hot men in showers, you'll love it.
Work stuff and other ditties
I usually try not to write too much about work.
because you NEVER know who can be reading. and being dooced? It's just not high on my to-do list these days. Because once I got dooced, I'd be getting divorced. Also not on my to-do list.

but, I have to write to you about my little office affair.
(tsk people have such dirty minds...)
his name is Erling and he's Norwegian. And he's hot.
at least I assume he's hot.
I've never met him.
but we are working together to get his arctic sculpin underwater shots into our Extreme Animals book.

it all started so innocently.
can I use your photos? how much will it cost me? what sort of credit would you like in the book?
then it moved on to emails about Norwegian National Holidays and babies holding flags of Norway. oh, and he keeps teaching me Norwegian words. like takk, which means thank you, and bilde, which means picture.

it's totally hot.

and today? for no reason?
he sent me some free photos.
just like that. He totally wants me.


also. Someone freakin' stole my recycling bin.
what the fuck? who does that, really?
maybe if I tell Erling, he'll come here and bust some ass.
And the Hippies win TAR
satisfying ending for me. truth is, i liked all three final 3 teams and would have been happy with any of them winning. i did like that it came down to brains in the end, though.

"Damn hippies and their language knowing" he.

"I'll tell Michael you said hello." was hilarious.

and Tyler on the rolle coaster..."I'm regurgitating crickets!"

bwah. in the capsule room "I hope I don't wake up and it's 1972."

Jeremy saying "It's swan time!" and talking about his time on the high school Swan Boat Team, then cut to him picking his nose.

oh, Phil, how i love you and your turtlenecks...

* * * * *

on a separate note, i've been getting emails about my non-recap of American Idol.
i'm a big old baby and i'm still mad at America. and now i'm even madder, because Elliot is gone too...i really wanted an Elliot/Chris final 2. but, i'll be honest and tell you that both Katharine and Taylor brought their A games on Tuesday and were better than Elliot. so, here's to not giving a crap as to who wins American Idol 5.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
happy 8th
well, i suppose first things first.
honey, i apologize for saying that because mother's day, our anniversary and my birthday all fall within 10 days of each other, you decided it's better not to celebrate at all then to have to do all three. i was wrong. and i've got the memory card (mother's day), the lululemon pants (anniversary) and my new camera (birthday) to prove it. thanks, baby.

also? y'all? i've been married for 8 years.
8 years!
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we were BABIES when we got married. babies.
what were we thinking? what were our parents thinking??
well, whatever we were thinking, we got it right.
and we have the three cutest bunnies in the world (and yes, Adina, ours are cuter than Beamer. sorry)

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I am so hot and bothered.
Some mothers really bother me.
you know the ones I'm talking about.
the ones who do stupid things.
like go out driving with curlers in their hair.

oh, and the ones who don't really give a crap about their children's safety.

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this child? The ones you see slouched in his seat?
a certain SPF?
who has been seen before riding in his mother's lap in the front seat?
he is most certainly NOT a year old...seeing as he was born in September
and he doesn't look 20 pounds either.**

**the two requirements for being able to sit in a forward-facing carseat.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about this is that Britney Spears KNOWS that she's being photographed EVERY SINGLE TIME she leaves her house. she knows that she made a huge blunder with the lap-riding incident. so why does she think things will be different this time?

and she's bringing another one into the world.
god help us all.
and Bella Bella crawls!!
Emma gets her groove on...
sex at the prom AKA Grey's Anatomy Finale
Oh my damn.
I don’t even know where to start.
Um, yeah, I guess I do.
Let’s start with the hottest sex on tv ever.
Or how about the looks. I think I would die if Patrick Dempsey was looking at me like that.
Okay…yes…i realize there will be people attacking me. Because Derek has been an ass all season. Derek has a wife. He picked Addison. He didn’t pick Meredith. He has a wife. Who he doesn’t love. He loves Meredith. And can’t say it. He can’t tell Addie that it’s over. He called Meredith a whore. Yes, yes. I know all the arguments. But I don’t freakin’ care. I’ve always wanted Derek and Meredith together. and it was super hot.

Yes, I realize I’m in the minority here. But I don’t really care.

The prom storyline was super duper cheese. But I’ll forgive Shonda, because holy crap, she delivered. There are just those little touches that truly amaze me. Like the chief allowing Cristina to run the other room so she wouldn’t see Burke. Incredible.
Bailey continues to rock. "What did you do with my suck ups?" her black and silver speech and her hypothetical situation. She’s kickass.
Denny gets himself a heart. He gets himself a fiancé. He finally gets to choose. And then he dies. And I saw it coming for miles. But it still broke my heart. He was finally starting to grow on me…. "I just tricked her into marrying me. How smart am I?"
Alex redeems himself. How is that even possible? He had me at his little sports analogy. But he had me in freakin’ tears when he picked Izzy up. Damnit.
Cristina. I hate you for leaving Burke all alone. But, I love that she’s finally showing some emotion. And that speech that she gave to the chief? She needs to give it to Burke. He needs to hear how she feels. Even if it will kill her.
Izzy quitting is too much of a cop out.
Don’t kill me. But I don’t hate Callie. The way she helped Meredith do up her dress. She was trying to help George’s family. It was touching.
Okay…also? Chris O’Donnell is HOT. And he has plans…

Is it bad that I’m ready for season 3. right now.
Monday, May 15, 2006
things i hate: having to take my car in for servicing because my brakes are completely shot.

things i love: reawarding myself with a big bag of jalapeno popcorn.

and in case you were wondering, yes, i did eat the entire bag. in 20 minutes. and it was so fucking worth it. least it wasn't m&m's....
oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god
let's discuss Grey's Anatomy first, shall we (and then we'll get to the fact that it was Aras who won and NOT Danielle as predicted. hmmm...fancy that. they were wrong again)

~~oh my freakin' god, Izzy. she's gone batshit insane. say goodbye to both Denny AND your career as a surgeon. i was actually YELLING at my tv.
~~loved Addison's blowout. she's totally right. the only people who don't know that Derek loves Meredith ARE Derek and Meredith. i heart Addison for the first time ever.
~~oh yes, we get it. McDog=McDreamy.
~~mmm...i'm so turned on by angry McDreamy. yum.
~~thank god that last night was not the season finale...because, seriously? my nerves couldn't handle an entire summer of waiting. Burke? why did they have to go and shoot Burke? when he was coming back to help Izzy?? where's the justice in that?
~~Bailey continues to

okay...on to Survivor.
~~what happened to Aras? he looked soooo much better all scruffy and skinny. last night he looked all bloated and bad. so did Nick.
~~loved: "Aras, I'm just so used to writing your name down."
~~okay. Shane? he looked like he was on the express train to Hogwarts. what the hell was with those sleeves? and that hair?
~~was i the only one who laughed when Aras fell and had to get stitches on day 39???
~~i think the final immunity challenge was NOT at all fair. they set it up so that Danielle would be in the final 2. she was obviously going to win that task.
~~I'm glad Cerie won the car. and she looked beautiful last night.

i'll get to Sopranos goodness i watched a hell of a lot of tv last night....
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Mother's Day
well...i got to sleep in until 8:30 - which to those of you who have children that wake up at normal hours, 8:30 is a serious treat. and the gifts from the kids? priceless. Emily made me a jewlery box, which she asked to keep. and she sang me a song. there were tears, folks. it was THAT cute. and Joshua made me a card and a picture frame with a picture of him. ah. to die for. it will be going to work tomorrow.

and then, my sister in law, Sharon treated me to a spa day. ah. it was amazing. 1 hour massage. manicure. facial. she had no idea that this was just what i needed right now. some good old fashion alone time. away from kids. doing something that was all about me. i gave her a giant hug afterward, which she probably found to be weird, since i'm soooo not a hugger (and now that i think about it, she's totally not either), but it was so appreciated.

oooh..and i haven't even mentioned the best part yet. the woman who did my facial did not believe me when i said that i actually was a mother. she thought it was about 18. and she said that i had AMAZING skin and in the last year, she only had one other person who had skin as nice as mine. and she was shocked when i told her that i don't do a thing to my face except wash it every once in a while...which is like, once a week, when i remember. good genes, i guess. thanks, mom.

i'm planning to spend the rest of the night in bed watching grey's anatomy, survivor, and sopranos...and i'll probably eat my weight in peanut m&m's.

so...even though my husband didn't buy me anything (honey...if you are reading....i really want a 1g memory card for my new camera....), it's really been a great day. and it was perfect, coming off of my not so perfect night....

i'm getting too old for horror movies, it seems.
i used to love them. all of them. even the stupid ones.
and i NEVER got scared. well, mostly not.
The Shining scared the absolute shit out of me. several times. come play with us Danny. forever. and ever. and ever.
but i could watch them all. and not have to cover my eyes and not have nightmares.

so, last night i decided to watch The Amityville Horror. not knowing much about the movie, other than Van Wilder plays the lead (so, seriously, how scary could it be?)
let me tell you. i was FREAKED, dude. totally freaked. i needed to watch to the end because i couldn't go to bed without the happy ending. (no...not that kind of happy ending...pervs...)

then, i made a mistake. i looked it up on the internet. and apparently, this actually happened. yes, a man named Ronnie Defeo, who lived in this house on Long Island, murdered his family. his two brothers. his two sisters and his parents. and then, a year later, the Lutz family moved into the Amityville house and fled just 28 days later, claiming the house was possessed by demons.

getting chills?

it gets worse. George Lutz (you know, the real guy, who was played by Van) died this week. just this past week.


i tossed and turned all night. and i couldn't even get out of bed to fix the blinds that were rattling from the wind. i was too freaked.
my god....i'm such a LOSER.
Friday, May 12, 2006
all thanks to the Cactus-Fish family...
Chris got me with his top five dinner guests. this was a HARD one. i decided to go for 5 women.

Oprah Winfrey
Jackie Kennedy
Anne Frank
Ellen Degeneres
Audrey Hepburn

(although someone wrote Lester Bangs...and i would say that if my meal were to include men, he'd be on the list...)

Beth got me with her whole let's toot our own horns thing and say amazing things about yourself... this one was harder than the dinner guests... how does a person with a crap-crap-crappy self image start saying nice things about herself??

1. i'm a good cook. which, i think, is amazing, since my mother is one of the worst cooks in the world.
2. i have amazing skin. which, i'll thank my mother for. she didn't pass on any cooking genes...and i got the pulkees (that's a nice yiddish word for big chunky thighs) and the chicken ankles...but she did pass on the great, great skin. thanks, mom.
3. i have good hair and pretty eyes. my two best features, i think.
4. i'm pretty smart. and i have the SAT's to prove it.

whew. that knocked me out.
okay...your turn...
Somebody call a wambulance; Terry’s cryin’ on the course AKA Survivor
~~good thing there was a hidden immunity idol...THAT NEVER EVER FREAKING GOT TO BE USED. what a pile of horseshit, that is.
~~Terry is so freakin' patronizing. i can't handle it. what a little shit. If I was Cirie, I would have been like "OH, Terry, I'm so sorry, you are right. It really belongs SHOVED UP YOUR ASS."
~~I can't figure out whose faces at tribal made me laugh harder...Shane's or Courtney's...which one is the bigger child???
~~I really was annoyed by Jeff Probst's use of the word Roadblock. does he not know that my phil has the exclusive rights to that word?? Jeff should stick to "worth playing for?" and "your tribe has spoken"
~~did Terry say he was nice to flight attendants??? was that my imagination?
~~ any calls on who wins the tie breaker?? Cirie's fire looked higher...but i swear in the previews i saw Danielle in a challenge...although that could have been from a different show altogether...
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
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i am not happy.
The Return of the Gossip Round-Up
now here's my kind of nip slip (actually, i take it back...i'm really not all that into male nipples.....but Jude Law...mmmm...and what's with the scarf? why is the man always wearing a scarf?):
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Katie Holmes lets her sexy nursing bra slip:
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Britney Spears makes a surprise visit to David Letterman and announces that heck ya, she'll all preggers and stuff:
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ah...the babies...they would be gorgeous:
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okay...and seriously...this isn't just a shout-out because i know that a certain person is in Toronto....and that i know that she went out with a certain person that i sort-of know...but Natalie Portman is stunning. stunning. she was gorgeous bald and she's gorgeous now. hate her:
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mmmm...boxer briefs....AKA American Idol
the good:
~Chris. he sang Suspicious Minds and A Little Less Conversation. mmm..he's hot. and he can sing. i wish he'd stop raping the microphone stand. but, i love him. and i want to see him in the final two, please, okay, america, thanks.
~Elliot. he sang If I Can Dream and Trouble. and Simon is right. He deserves to go through to the next round. he was awesome. but, seriously, the teeth? he needs to get those suckers fixed. bad.

the meh:
~Taylor. He sang Jailhouse Rock and In The Ghetto. i love how they told him not to move and dance around for the second song, yet he totally couldn't.

the bad:
~Katharine. she sang Hound Dog/All Shook Up and Can't Help Falling in Love. Kat...oh Kat....remember what i was saying about you choosing songs and arrangements that are just too much for you? yes, that's exactly what you did last night. she shouldn't be this off this late in the game. she also shouldn't be forgetting her lyrics...

other notes:
~i thought Nikko Smith was Usher. anyone else?
~WTF was Paula wearing?
~anyone else loving Ryan Seacrest just a little bit this morning for talking to Chris about his underwear AND offering to give Paula $1 for her hideous dance movements??
~Katharine had the flattest stomach! why on earth does she always wear maternity clothing?

bottom two?
hoping for Katharine and Taylor. mmm...guessing that Taylor goes home? or Kat? not sure on this one...
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
it's now officially official
my daughter is a crawler.
i'm usually good with words but when it comes to trying to explain how she crawls...i just don't have the words.
she does this slight slither looking motion and contorts her body side to side.
and all the while she makes the same sound, "uduh. uduh. uduh," as if she truly believes that the noises are helping propel her forward.

it's quite possibly the most hysterically adorable thing i have ever seen.
i promise to try to get it on video.
Monday, May 08, 2006
i hope mcdreamy dies a slow, horrible death...
okay, fine, not really, but he certainly doesn't deserve his namesake anymore. i think McDouchbag or McBastard or McAsshat will do nicely, thank you very much. he's got some nerve, that brain surgeon, some nerve.

on a lighter note, mmmm...Mcvet...swoon. i adore this man and hope that he and Meredith are nothing but happy and fall in love and birth ponies and make lovely little Mcbabies.

Callie? McPSYCHO. and she totally didn't wash her hands. don't believe her George! maybe the girls wouldn't look at you like you were a rodent if you didn't walk into the bathroom topless and PEE in front of them. ew.

ohh...i thought it was great. that scene with George and Meredith at the end. it was perfect.

big jim and harold (from harold and kumar...yes? it was him, right?) - love love loved it. cried like a big ole baby.

Denny's death (and y'all know that it's coming) is going to BREAK Izzy.

i love this show for making me laugh and cry all in the same minute.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
so, it's 11 am and i feel like i've been running for 2 days.
the husband is running the sporting life 10k run...which is all well and good for him...and i am so jealous that he's lost 15 pounds and is, like, days away from hsi goal weight...but...a sunday? seriously?

my morning started at about 7:15.
Isabella up.
giant poo. change her.
emily up.
isabella eats the flyers.
joshua up.
isabella eats more flyers.
clean and dress isabella.
clean the high chair. ew.
clean the glass table. ew.
dress emily.
dress joshie.
frantically search for joshie's shoes, a gift for jonah, a gift bag.
manage get all 4 of us out of the house at 9:45. not bad. party starts at 9:50. race there.
no gas. no money, either. husband has confiscated both my debit and my credit cards.
(it's a gorgeous day out, even if it's too cold for May)
thanks, Emily.
(shit, there's something in my contact. i can't see. makes for very difficult driving)
(fuck, really can't see. rub eyes in hopes of making it better. know i'm only making it worse).

10:05. hate being late. drop emily off.
no, you're not. bella's back there.
actually, we're both wrong. she's in the middle. i'm in the front.
(argh. my eye. i really can't see)
okay. fine. she's in the front.
(shit...i'm totally going to run out of gas. why did i agree to surrender my cards? check my cash...hmmm...i have exactly 3 dollars and 47 cents. probably enough gas to get me home....ah, eureka! i have an esso speedpass. woohoo! it's on my keychain! it's like someone gave me free money! aha! we WILL make it home after all!)

10:30. get home. throw isabella in her crib.
jesus. joshie, the present we bought for atara last week? it's in the closet in isabella's room.
yes, you'll just bring it to school tomorrow.
hysterical crying.
more of the same.
i pop a reese's peanut butter bite into his mouth.
crying stops.
put on his shoes.

joshie gets picked up for his party. isabella's asleep. and now i have a whole 15 minutes to myself before i have to go and pick up emily at her party. and then pick up joshie and kyra from their party.

my goodness...i love sundays....
and this post is dedicated to single mothers everywhere.
i have no fucking clue how you do it without collapsing.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Ah....she's so cute....
go sell crazy somewhere else...
he deserved to go for three reasons:
a) he was a total loony asshat:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

b) his crazy-ass faces at tribal:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

c) and because he stood like a total primate
return of the Friday's Feast
Feast Ninety-Two
From which country(s) are some (or all) of your ancestors?

Germany and Poland on my mom's side and Germany and the UK on my dad's side (at least i think - my dad's parents are like 3rd generation american...)

How would you describe your sneeze?

how do you describe a sneeze? for the most part, i think it's just normal. i don't do the super loud scary sneeze, or the 25 little sneezes in a row, or the stop-yourself sneeze (i always thought that my head would explode from trying to hold it in)'s just normal. at least i think.

What is the last thing you cleaned?

my hands? does that count? if body parts don't count, i'd say the carpet in my bedroom, since my baby decided that was a perfect place to pee this morning. i guess i was asking for it. i was enjoying watching her play naked.

Main Course
Who made the strongest first impression on you?

a teacher i had in high school, Rosemary Baker.

Name one thing you want to accomplish in your lifetime.

i want to get my novel published. that would be nice. i'd say to write a bestseller...but that seems like a huge reach...although i'm only 27, so i've got lots of time...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I am a thief. I stole this meme.
I AM: a mother, a spouse, a sister, a daughter, a grand-daughter, a woman, a girl, a teacher, a student, a friend. mostly, i'm a mother.
I WANT: too many things to list here. it's bad.
I WISH: i could go back to school. i loved school. i could totally be a professional student for my entire life.
I HATE: being late. almost as much as i hate waiting for people who are late.
I MISS: when i used my pregnancy as an excuse to eat like a heifer
I HEAR: nothing. my office is WAY too silent.
I WONDER: what our life would have been like if the husband and i had accepted the atlanta job.
I REGRET: that i still think about it
I AM NOT: as assertive as i should be
I DANCE: badly. very very badly.
I CRY: at hallmark commercials. and i'm not afraid to admit it.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: nice enough to my husband
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: homemade bread that's to die for (actually part of it is made with my kitchen-aid, but i'll count it
I WRITE: important information (phone numbers, addresses etc.) on little pieces of paper and leave them all over my house. i shouldn't do this for several reasons. reason #1 is because my baby eats paper.
I CONFUSE: Portia de Rossi and Drea de Matteo. it's Portia who sleeps with Ellen and Drea who sleeps with the fishes, yes?
I NEED: the school year to be over so i can stop leaving the office twice a week at lunchtime to drive carpool. fucking carpool.
I SHOULD: throw my scale out of my window. but i never will. (i guess now i'll admit that i have, not one, but two scales in my bathroom)
I START: my day looking hot
I FINISH: my day looking much much less hot
I TAG: Jenny, Beth, Gerah, Haley, Megan, and Jaynee and well, everyone, just do it....
we have crawlage...
okay...not really.

she only did it once. and it was somewhat awkward-looking. she had one arm tucked under her stomach. and one arm straight out in front of her. then she used her legs to propel herself forward. i couldn't stop laughing at her. she must surely know that this is a lousy excuse for a first crawl.

do they have crawling lessons? because my daughter could use some.

they say that crawling is one of those milestones that not all kids accomplish. because children these days now spend so much time on their backs, instead of watching our babies learn to crawl, we mothers get to deal with things like flat heads and bald patches. (note: we didn't have a flat head or a bald'd have to have hair first to have a bald spot...)

the truth is, isabella doesn't NEED to crawl. she's a roller.
neither of my other kids were. no, the girl and the boy both were pretty late crawlers. Emily actually crawled at 10 months and walked 2 weeks later. but, they weren't big rollers, either. they used to sit up and point and kvetch and cry and scream until someone (usually me) would come to their rescue and give them whatever toy that was out of their reach.

not my bella. if she wants something. she rolls until she can get it. if she's at the wrong angle, she will actually shift her body so she's facing the right direction. it's hysterical to watch. sometimes it looks like she's doing a three-point turn. she'll have no problem in driver's ed. she's actually become quite the pro.

i've come to terms with the fact that she might never crawl.
and i'm okay with it.
but only because her waving and her cute little "hi" can blow any of those crawling kids straight out of the water.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Top 5 - American Idol, Taylor Hicks has completely jumped the shark for me. that's it.
~and Katharine humps the floor in a Kellie Pickler shout-out. yikes. at least now we won't all be talking about her wardrobe malfunction anymore...
~Chris. is. sex. i don't think i can stress enough how badly i want this man. he's still hot even with the cheesy flames behind him.
~the beatles are not current. that was cheating in a big, big way.
~overall, kind of just a "meh" night, considering it's the final 5...
~what was all that Simon and Kat confusion? it sounded like he said it was one of her best performances? and then said it wasn't?
~i think the bottom 2 will be Elliot and Paris...but it should be Taylor and Paris. buh-bye Paris.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
brokeback vito
i haven't yet posted about the sopranos this week.
mostly because i'm having lots of trouble erasing the memory of Vito getting his gay on with johnny cake dude. ew. ew. ew. holy johnny cakes Morgan Spurlock? because he looks freakishly like him!!!

also, that scene on the boat? when AJ was talking about doing something about junior? was anyone else bothered by the fact that his hair was about 4 inches longer than it was in the scene right before that and the one right afterwards?

i love AJ having panic attacks just like his daddy. he's such a little screw-up.....wanting to be Michael Corleone...and i'd like to thank the sopranos for sparing us the actual puke and only giving us the dry heaves.

best line? "Whaddya want me to do -- put out an APB 'cause he takes it up the ass?"
With great blogs come great responsibility...
the thing about having a blog is there are always things that you can say and things that you can't.
for instance, you can say that you watched the apprentice last night. no big deal.
but, you can't, however talk about a friend you are having issues with.
for fear. that someone. might know.
so, usually it's pretty clear what i can and can not say.
but sometimes...there are things that straddle the lines of appropriate blog material and inappropriate blog material.
yes, i do get brazilian waxed by a woman named argentina. on a fairly regular basis.
yes, i do have a rocky relationship with my inlaws and and even rockier relationship with my mother.
yes, i do truly believe that my ass is hot. smokin' in fact.
yes, i do truly believe that the rest of me leaves something to be desired...

so, occasionally when i feel the urge to write about something, i do stop and think about my audience. there are many people who read this blog that i know personally. and there are many people who i know that i don't even realize are reading. so, in the end, there are things that i keep to myself.
but today, i'm feeling bummed about something. i've avoided bringing it up on the blog, for fear that people i know are reading. but, today, i say, fuck it, because i need some advice. and the advice i've gotten up until now is not going to cut it.

okay. back to basics. the husband and i have a lot of friends. it's a simple fact. we like to have people over. we like to go out. we are pretty social people. probably me more than he.

there's one couple who we became friends with a while back. at least a few years. (i know what you are thinking. is she talking about me? who is she talking about? please, i ask you. stop thinking about who it is and just read it for what it will make me much more comfortable about the situation. okay? thanks for that.) then, slowly, we became better friends. and then better friends. i wouldn't use the term best friends, because, really, who uses that term anymore. but, i would say, one of our closest couple friends.

it's often hard to become close with people as couples. one on one is easy. if you click, you click. when you throw 4 people into the mix, it grows exponentially. if someone doesn't click, the entire coupling doesn't work. so, it's always nice when you meet a couple and it just works. so, with them, it just worked. we liked hanging out with them. and we did it on a fairly regular basis, bordering on maybe more often than that.

and then, something happened. it just....stopped.
of course, me being a woman and all, and an emotional one at that, immediately began panicking. what did i do? what did the husband do? what's going on?????
but, alas, i was hugely pregnant and figured that perhaps i was just reading into it too much. maybe i was seeing things that weren't really there. i started to hate myself for being one of those paranoid people that i get so annoyed with.

but then, i had my baby. i'm not at liberty to say which baby it was.
and they didn't come to see us.
for 2 weeks.
2 weeks. a long time not to come and visit someone that you'd consider one of your closest friends.
so, i started thinking. what did i do? maybe she's having trouble getting pregnant and seeing me with a baby hurts her too much? maybe i said something offensive without realizing it? maybe the husband did?
whatever it hurt. and it just continued its downward spiral from there.

i got dumped.
i'd never really gotten dumped before.
and let me tell you. it felt like shit.

well, i let it go.
for a while.
and i brought it up a few times. with them.
only to have them tell me that i was being crazy and it was nothing.

but, i'm not stupid.
i know it's obviously something.
it was so abrupt. it went from being a close friendship - seeing them at least once a week - to pretty much being no friendship at all. kind of a "hi, how you doing" when i see you type relationship. that i've written an entire bible....i ask you, internet, what do i do?
Monday, May 01, 2006
an actual conversation
Emily: Mama?
me: yes?
Emily: I want to be a farmer when i grow up.

hysterical cackling laughter. from her.
more laughter.

5 minutes later.

me: you do?
Emily: yes. then i can eat all the eggs i want.

more hysterical laughter.

Emily: not really, mama. i'm still going to be a supermodel.
I thought you were knitting a sweater AKA Grey's Anatomy
~~Alex. Ass. That’s all I have to say about that.
~~McDreamy. Ass. Okay…I didn’t mind, and kind of actually liked, seeing Jealous McDreamy when he realized that Meredith was with McVet (giving a good McStare). but, I was totally creeped out by Jealous McDreamy when he decided to get back at Meredith by having hot sex with Addison. By the way, if you have to call it “hot sex” you know that it actually isn’t, right?
~~yay. George is home. He does the grown up thing for a change and the haircut is a definite improvement, but still not all that great. At least he doesn’t look like a hobbit anymore.
~~It was nice to see Meredith happy and smiling for a change.
~~anyone else have to close their eyes during the george and callie sex? Ew.
~~oh, lordy. I didn’t hate Denny tonight. I thought he was sweet when he was talking to Meredith. But I still find him and Izzie weird.
~~love love loved the espresso shot and donut scene. Loved it.
~~Burke and CRistina bored me to tears this episode. but i still heart them.

I'm a displaced American writer, mom, and wife living in Canada who muses about my life, my kids, my tv watching and my slight obsession with celebrities.
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(Random Site)
Reading Lolita in Tehran * Azar Nafisi
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close * Jonathan Safran Foer
i bet you look good on the dance floor * arctic monkeys
the skin of my yellow country teeth * clap your hands say yeah
chasing cars * snow patrol
movie script ending * death cab for cutie
anthems for a 17-year-old girl * broken social scene
all these things that I've done * the killers
one more night (your ex-lover remains dead) * stars
a little less 16 candles a little more touch me * fall out boy
the great salt lake * band of horses
october, first account * be your own pet
mushaboom * feist
letter from an occupant * new pornographers

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