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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
a Season of Asshats AKA The Apprentice
~~oh, how i've missed me some George: "You gave away a gift bag that had nothing in it?"
~~oh, how i've missed me some Carolyn: "Summer, that's the third time I've asked."

~~I would have bought an updrade from a guy with an accent. i'm just saying.

~~I think Carrie Bradshaw and Co. are the only people who are allowed to say "the Russian" and get away with it. Shut Up, Trump!

~~Gold Rush? seriously? Synergy? seriously? truly outrageous....truly, truly, truly outrageous...

~~Tarek is pretty (Orlando Bloom/Eric Bana lite). but that's about it. one of the dumbest smart people i've ever seen.

~~I'm VERY disappointed that Brent is the Canadian...i wanted to like him, really i did. and i felt bad for him when he was picked last...but, honestly, i couldn't get past all that darn sweating.

~~I like Lee because he stood up for himself and didn't take any of Tarek's threats. oh, and also because he was Aaron's camper...and i think that's pretty cool.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Two words
two. interviews.

just like that.
one on friday and one on monday.
just when i thought my life was a mess.
i guess it always happens like that.

wish me luck.
i truly, truly need one of these jobs!
breastpads, anyone??? AKA Grey's Anatomy
~~ "Are his problems surgical?!" I love love loved Cristina and Burke at the end of the episode. they are so cute in their own weird way.

~~ best line? "Good God O'Malley, what did Grey do to you?"

~~ okay, the whole sobbing-during-sex scene? seriously? i didn't know whether to laugh or cry. and "You're almost done, right?" poor, poor George. Meredith is very very damaged. i pity her.

~~ Alex is 100% right. Meredith gets drunk and has sex with inappropriate men. It's totally her thing. loved him all happy with the paddles, btw.

~~ Bailey love. "I'm not mentally challenged" "I'm not so sure about that" The Bailey and Addison scenes - the poison oak, the spontaneous lactating, the va-jay-jay - classic. and baby totally trumps husband any day of the week and twice on sundays.

~~ and did anyone else laugh hysterically when George fell down the stairs??? anyone??

~~as usual, i got no previews for next week...anyone?
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Sometimes all it takes..
are the husband's homemade ribs
a hysterical episode of Family Guy
and some Grey's Anatomy

to cheer a girl up.
feeling about 100 times better.
Downward Facing Dog...
today is one of those blah days.
where i'm feeling really down.
where everything seems to be going wrong.
and nothing seems to be going right.

my mother, who so generously was going to fund our nanny until i found a job, decided that she really only wanted to pay for one month. so, we are giving jhoanne her two weeks notice tomorrow. i'm i'm freaking out. i know i should be thankful that i was able to have a nanny for 6 months without a job or maternity pay, but i'm not okay with this. my life, as i've grown accustomed to in the past few years, is about to seriously change. and my children are going to be devastated. they love her.

i can't find a job and am getting seriously very frustrated about it. i guess i naively figured i would just get a job. my scholastic job just fell into my lap. i wasn't even looking for it, and it was just too good to refuse. now i can't get anyone, anywhere to give me any sort of job. I have the right degrees. I have the right experience. but it seems i've got too much of it for some jobs and too little for the rest. so, there's just nothing. and it sucks. it really sucks.

there's so much pressure on me, and i feel like it's been a race against the clock. find a job as quickly as possible so we don't have to get rid of jhoanne. well...i guess that timer's up, and we failed. I failed.

and then there's things i can't say on my blog. things that I can't say because people I know are reading. things with friends, things with family. things that are only adding to my initial frustrations. added annoyances and crap that i don't need right now.

anyway, i'm sure this will pass. it always does. there are always people who are way worse off than i am, and i know this. I know i should feel lucky that these are my only problems. i know i will find a great job. and i know i will find a new nanny. a great one. one that's probably better than the one i have right now.

but today? today i'm having a pity party. in fact, i'm thinking of starting up a pity club. anyone want to join? we've got jackets.
Friday, February 24, 2006
i have successfully sold my first-ever item on ebay! I'm very excited about it.

i was sad to see Patrick Hall go home last night. i was hoping he'd stick around a little longer. i guess that's what you get for singing melissa etheridge...when you're a man.

i am so busy today it's no normal. this morning i drove carpool, went to sobey's to pick up some last minute things for tonight, came home, cooked my chicken, cooked my sweet potato pie (it's in the oven right now), now i'm working on my manuscript for my new book on paramedics that's going to design the first week of March (yay! i'm getting published again!) - it needs photo descriptions and a title. i need a title, please. then i have to go to emily's morning school, drive carpool to her afternoon school, stay at her school to volunteer until 3, come home, finish cooking (i still have WAY too much to make), take a shower, bathe my kids and get them dressed....

yikes...there's just not enough time!!
i'm having 2 couples for dinner and 7 kids (well, to be fair, three of them are my own)
why on earth did i agree to volunteer at emily's school today? what was i thinking?
"i feel 10 pounds lighter!" AKA Survivor
~~What? what? what? did i think i'd see that day? the day i'd AGREE with Shane? Danielle is lazy. Courtney is lazy. i don't know that i would have gone about it the way he had...shmuck...

~~I didn't think they'd actually SHOW terry finding the idol. there goes all the suspense..i hope this whole immunity idol doesn't backfire if Terry makes it all the way and never needs to use it. and what happens to the next person who goes to exile island??

~~Cirie is a hoot. i love when she talks about all the cattiness of the "alliance" i wanted her to go first...but now i kind of want her to stick around a little longer. she's snarky and she's working hard...she may turn out to be a major player.

~~Ruth Marie deserved to go...mostly because she said she was small in "statue."

~~Austin is SOOO the new Bobby Jon.

~~While i found Bobby's use of the outhouse to do his business both disgusting and mildly amusing, i think just making a decision like that while all your tribe members are trying to decide what to do with it was wrong...
Thursday, February 23, 2006
You know there's something wrong with you...
when you start crying when John Abbott is sentenced to 7 years in the Wisconsin state penitentiary...

and John Abbott is a character on a soap opera.
the boys take a crack at it AKA American Idol
the good:
Chris - he sang Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi. awesome. love him.
Gedeon - he sang Shout. was pretty good. he's got a good energy and clearly he understands that singing a well-known song helps. a lot. and i like his's cartoonish and muppet-like, but i like it.
Elliot - he sang If You Really Love Me by Stevie Wonder. he was great. range, baby, he's got range. “I was stuck with one of the twins.” ha. now i REALLY like him.
Ace - he sang Father Figure by George Michael. Gosh, i like him. and not just because he's pretty. (he sure is pretty). he can actually sing too.
Taylor - he sang Levon by Elton John. he was good. really really good. and he seemed a little less epileptic this time.

the meh:
Patrick - he sang Come To My Window by Melissa Etheridge. it was just meh. i like him though, so i hope he sticks around for a little while.
Bucky - he sang Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. okay. nothing great. he frightens me a little bit. needs to lose the beard and get the teeth fixed. LOVED the trailer trash entrourage in the audience though!
Will - he sang I Want You Back by The Jackson 5. he's cute. so i like him.
Sway - he sang Reasons by Earth, Wind and Fire. i'm not a big fan of the falsetto so i didn't love this...even though Paula was wetting her pants a little bit. i do like him more than i thought i would, though, so that's a plus. maybe it's because his parents are so damn cute...singing along with him.
Kevin - he sang One Last Cry by Brian McKnight. meh. just a'ight. but people like him.

the bad:
David - he sang Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen. not good.
Bobby - he sang Copacabana by Barry Manilow. okay, Manilow? seriously? yikes. that was horrendous. buh-bye.

going tonight? david and bobby is my guess...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Feed Me, Seymore!
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the return of the good, the bad and the meh
AKA American Idol

the good:
Paris - she sang the crap out of Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight. best performance of the night by far. she's so adorable, i just want to give her a good squeeze.
Ayla - she sang Reflection by Christina Aguilera. so much better than i thought she'd be. she sounded great. she does some weird manly thing with her mouth...but generally, i like her.
Mandisa - she sang Never by Heart. i thought it was pretty good. once you look past her size, you realize she's got a great voice.
Lisa - she sang I Am Changing by Jennifer Holiday. the song was too old for her...but she was amazing.
Katharine -she sang Since I Fell For You by Barbra Streisand. i thought it was great. i like her a lot.

the meh:
Kelly - she sang How Far by Martina McBride. She struggled. and was nervous. America will keep her because she's cute and she's got potential.
Brenna - she sang You Are the Sunshine of My Life by Stevie Wonder. she annoys the hell out of me. and she didn't wow me with her singing talent either.
Becky - she sang Because the Night by 10,000 Maniacs. nothing great about this girl. sure, she's pretty. but that's about it. and the last note? ouch, baby. way ouch.he... the night might belong to lovers...but it didn't belong to her...

the bad:
Stevie - she sang To Where You Are by Josh Groban. and butchered it. i'm not a big fan of hers...i'll agree with Cowell on this one. too much falsetto.
Heather - she sang When You Tell Me that You Love Me by Carrie Underwood? (she said Vonzell last night, though...) not good at all.
Melissa - she sang When the Lights Go Down by Faith Hill. not a fan of pageant girl (the husband wondered if it was a blind pageant...). she was all over the place. how did Paula think she was amazing??
Kinnik - who??? she sang Get Here by Oleta Adams. oooh. she's very very manly, this one. did not like anything about her.

going home on thursday? my guess is Heather and Stevie. or maybe Melissa.
side note: Paula Abdul needs to stop using, "You made it your own" in place of "you sucked balls"
and is there anyone smaller than Ryan Seacrest this season????
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Dr. Ma
i always knew my bella was perfect...but it's always nice to get a professional opinion.

i took her in for her 6 month (2 shot!!) appointment.
she's 15.5 pounds. perfect. she's slimmed down a little, but still has some great rolls and chub.
she's sitting. she's rolling. she can do the hand-transfer thing. she's babbling. she's a genius, i tell you.

today we start the rice cereal.
she's going to love it.
you can see on her face that she's DYING to eat.
she starts smacking her lips and chewing air when she's around other people who are eating.
she tries to intercept anything that's directed towards my mouth.
she's totally ready.
too bad all i have to offer her is rice cereal.
pardon me, do you have any grey's anatomy? my husband..."FORGOT" to tape grey's for me. he's on the couch until he finds it!

does anyone have it???
Monday, February 20, 2006
why i like being with my sister
she: if perchance there is a heaven, i'm going there.
me: you think the philadelphia cream cheese lady will be there?
she: with her manservant? totally.
me: yeah
she: and maybe fabio will he there too.
me: fabio?
she: oh right, he didn't do the cream cheese
both of us, at the same time: he couldn't believe it wasn't butter.
me: well, maybe that earned him a spot in heaven too.
she: you never know.
me: you never know.

So, isabella and i are set to leave in a few hours. the weekend was actually quite nice, but both my sister and i decided that we have a maximum 2 day limit with my mom before we start cringing at everything she says.

mom: oh, Izzy, you are so cute.
me: why must you call her Izzy?
mom: people are going to call her whatever they want to, just wait until she goes to school.
me: but mom, i specifically said when she was born that you are welcome to call her anything you want. anything BUT Izzy. so, why is it that you chose to call her the ONE name i despise?
my sister: i think she does it just to get a rise out of you.
me: i'm not angry, i just don't understand.
mom: well, we do what we have to do.

what? she's insane. we do what we have to do???? yes, i have to get on an airplane this afternoon and go home to the land of normalcy.

okay...and also? isabella's room has been an icicle. like seriously? she's been waking up with hypothermic hands. it's so sad. the poor girl. this morning we found out the reason. one of the windows in her room was OPEN! open. it's like negative 30 degrees outside.

me: it's kind of funny that you figured this out the day we are leaving, huh? would have been nice to have been able to fix this on friday.
mom: well, she's fine.
fine? hypothermic hands = not fine to me.

Isabella, despite the fact that she's not sleeping AT ALL while she's here, has been a doll. she's been perforning like a true...well, like a true emily. rolling. giggling (and remember, she doesn't like to giggle) her head off. talking up a storm. she's been impressing everyone.
Friday, February 17, 2006
not ignoring y'all...
just got into Milwaukee.
well, i got in a few hours ago, but my mom and i had to hit gymboree...because well, the baby sale had everything for 10 and 20 how could we resist? and it was gymbucks too...ooh...
everything about my flight was a disaster. show of hands...who's at all surprised? not i, for one. delayed. engine failure. headwinds. (he...i said 'head') took me about 100 years to get here. but isabella? angel doesn't even begin to describe her. charmed the pants off of everyone at the gate, fell asleep on take-off, woke up during initial descent, had a bottle, and was happy as a clam. she was so good. i am so lucky.
i'm off to blow my hair dry. it's nothing but exciting around here, let me tell you.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
A portrait of a 6 months
i can't believe my little angel is 6 months already. half a year. crazy.
i know that i've gone through this process two times before, but i had totally forgotten how much fun babies get at around this age.

isabella has grown so much in the past month.
not so much physically. she actually seems not be gaining as rapidly as she did in the first 5 months. she's getting quite long, and she's losing a lot of her chubbiness.

she can do so many things. firstly, she's sitting. she still has trouble playing with toys and remembering to keep herself steady at the same time...but she thinks it's a big joke when she falls over, so it's all good.

she's babbling away. mamamamama (even though i'm a smart cookie and realize that she's NOT refering to's still nice to hear) and she's a huge gurgler.

she doesn't laugh. well, at least not all that often. it's really hard to get her to give a good belly laugh, you have to work really, really hard, but it's completely worth it, because it's the most amazing sound in the world.

she manages to put anything and everything into her mouth. i mean everything. she's partial to small shiny electronics - - - cell phones and remotes are her favorites. but she's just as happy to gnaw on a purse or a shoe or a toy too.

today she drank from a sippy cup for the first time. clearly she's a genius because her brother and sister were about 8 months old before they could figure them out.

she's gotten herself into a fantastic routine. two hour nap in the morning. two hour nap in the afternoon and asleep from about 7:15pm until 6:15am and then back to sleep until about 7:30. (knock wood. poo poo poo).

she's still bald. :)

i'm so head over heels in love with this child. and she's so in love with me. the moment i walk into a room and she notices me her entire body seems to light up and she smiles and lurches for me. if i'm in the room, it's all about me. she doesn't notice anyone else. okay, fine, i'll admit it. i'm sooo loving that.
The Wedding
last night i attended the most religious wedding i'd ever been to.
i mean, really, really religious.
so religious that i didn't even get to sit the husband. not even for the meal.
the ceremony was separate, the dinner was separate, the dancing was separate.

it actually, surprisingly, was a beautiful wedding. The bride, Chana, who wore a wig to her own wedding, looked more beautiful then i've ever seen her. she was glowing and danced all night with an energy i can only dream of having. The groom, her second cousin, who i've met all of once before, looked stiff as a board and didn't smile once the entire evening. he was probably nervous about the sex, since they'd never even been in a room alone together...

it's a life i can't even imagine. of covering your hair, your elbows, your knees. of black hats and long beards. of countless hours of Torah learning and praying. of no tvs or movies. it's interesting, to say the least. but, they seem happy. and i'm happy for them.
My spirit has been broken, y'all....AKA American Idol
~~okay, who else want to give those annoying twins two swift kicks in the nads? i can't believe they are in the top 44. there's no way they are moving on...their 15 minutes are well up.

~~and i'm sooo not into sway. i can't believe everyone likes him so much. i'm sure he'll make it to the top 12....

~~"You can't keep a good cowboy down." i'm actually not unhappy to see lil cowpoke go home. he was way out of his league here. but i found his little "brokenote cowboys" (?) little montage endearing...“I’m so green at this, and maybe in a few years I’ll become something.”

~~I adored the "Rat Pack" and i loved Mandisa. and Paris was surprisingly just "a'ight" last night.

~~I liked Elliot. and i loved that he blew tweedledum (or was it tweedledee) out of the water even though he slept all night and didn't rehearse.

~~anyone know if Mecca is gone? you know, the pint-sized belly dancer???
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Carpool sucks...and other woes...
so, one of the boys in Emily's school just got kicked out of afternoon school and over the last few days, all hell has broken loose on the carpool circuit.

yes, you read that correctly. Kicked out.
Emily goes to two schools. She goes to the ridiculously expensive private school (for which we pay a whopping $4800 a year for 3 hours a day) and then she goes to public school in the afternoon (for which we pay nothing and LOVE LOVE LOVE).
This boy in her class, we'll call him Y (to protect his innocence...), and he's always been really out of control. I can't handle him in carpool. and now the teacher's can't handle him in school. They called his mother and said he's "not ready for junior kindergarten. Maybe try again next year." his poor mother. I actually feel quite bad for her.

the catch for me is that she used to drive at lunchtime on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So, now I have to switch my "easy" lunch carpool to a "hard" lunch carpool, and I'm NOT happy about it. Sure, I'm still only driving 5 times a week. And sure, Y is no longer in the carpool so it should be easier for me. But still, it's a pain in ass.

did I mention that I HATE carpool????


are there any Y&R watchers out there?
i'm really annoyed with the show.
i used to be a huge Colleen and JT fan.
now she's back. but she's not Colleen. she's a terrible replacement.
so now i don't care about Colleen and JT anymore.
i used to be a huge Lily and Daniel fan.
now she's back. but she's not Lily. She's a terrible replacement.
so now i don't care about Lily and Daniel anymore.

anyone noticing a theme here?
memo to soaps. do NOT replace actors. it only annoys the crap out of the die-hard fans.


I went to the gym today.
between watching Regis and Kelly and playing my "what celeb do you look like?" game the time passed so quickly and i had a really good workout.
this morning Craig T. Nelson was there and Joe Rogan. i don't think that this was the first time that Joe Rogan was at the gym...
Monday, February 13, 2006
party party
so, last night we had our 60th birthday party for my mother in law.
it was actually so nice for her. she had all four of her kids in town (2 live here, 1 in israel and 1 in montreal) and all four of her siblings in town (1 lives in Toronto, 1 in israel and 2 in England). and they were all there last night.

we made a video for her of all the grandchildren singing "when i'm 64". it was hysterical. my kids are easy to pick out. i had one sitting pretty....and one not really doing much of should be able to see the video here.

the party was sushi and sweets and i ate way too much of both. veggie sushi. yum. edammame. yum. red velvet cake. yum. today i feel pretty gross from eating so much last night. but, it was worth it. how often does your mother in law turn 60? (i guess it's actually at least twice since i thought our trip to tremblant was her 60th birthday celebration...)

there was a guy there doing caricatures. i don't think he quite got us right.
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he did manage to give me great hair (very kelly ripa-esque), but did he need to give me a mustache? really?
Bomb's away! AKA Grey's Anatomy
so. good.

~oh my god. “That is not the she he was asking for.”

~best line? “O’Mally, stop looking at my va-jay-jay” I heart Bailey so much, it's not normal. aw. baby bailey's middle name is George.

~liked the parallel shower scenes.

~ack! "Like we were going to do it every day for the rest of our lives" ....ah..melt...swoon...i was hoping for some smooching action...but i thought the scene was sweet.

~ha! Izzy had sex hair when she was talking to the chief's wife (i CAN only think of her as the lady for Boston Public)...and i totally loved that she laughs at completely innapropriate times...because i? totally do too!

~Burke and McDreamy getting out of the elevator. hot. and i liked how now they call each other by their first names. sweet.
Friday, February 10, 2006
i told you..bunch of GOOBERS...AKA Survivor
~okay...first, quitty mcquitterson decides to quit. oh, and then decides not to quit. his ass should have been booted straight out of panama. what an idiot. why was he picked first???? that, i can't understand. shane. hate train. i'm all over that.

~okay...and then? "Oh, I hope I don't lose this thing." okay, sally? next time? try out your spear in shallow water. just a tip.

~okay...and johnny honest...i'm going to vote one of you out. what a freakin' moron. have none of these people EVER watched survivor before?

~sheesh...what was covering Misty? ew.

~best line? "La Mina still in the lead, but only because Casaya is absolutely inept"

~I like Mr. Miyagi. i hope he stays a little longer.

~poor Bobby (is that even his name?). He deserves to win this thing for having to put up with Cirie landing on his head, crotch first. yikes! think it was because she was scared of the LEAVES?

~and Danielle's boobs? they are getting more face time than any of the actual tribe members. anyone else annoyed by her chicklet teeth? (they are so very Hilary Duff-esque)
well..there goes three hours of my life...
that i will NEVER get back.
i am a creature of consistency. and i like to be in control.
i like things to go the way they normally do.
any variation on the normal theme is NOT okay with me.

this is why i don't like traveling so much.
this is why i don't like puking.
it's that whole losing control of the situation thing...

that's why this morning was a disaster for me.
here's how it went down.
drive to superstore.
wait for roadside assistance to come.
wait and wait and wait.
wait for the guy to put on my spare.
drive to green and ross (i think that's what it's called)
wait for them to fix said tire.
wait and wait and wait.
oh, and need the bathroom. badly. (but since i prefer do my business in public bathrooms....prefer to hold it in)
oh, and freeze my ass off because apparently, green and ross doesn't believe it heating their establishment. and oh, yeah, it happens to be the coldest day it's been in oh, about a freakin' year.

why don't things like that happen in the summer, when i could have just sat outside and gotten tan? oh, i know. because i'm UNLUCKY. oh, and i don't tan either...

now i'm home. and i have to leave shortly to drive carpool. christ.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
flat...and i'm not just talking about my boobs.
so...i took Isabella food shopping with me today.
I so rarely do this because...well, basically, because anyone who has taken a child food shopping knows fully well that it's just a pain in the ass. bundling up. taking her out in the cold. shlepping the infant seat. trying to fit it in the shopping cart.
but today is the husband's birthday (happy birthday, baby!) and to celebrate, he took the boy and girl downtown to his office. well, i guess it didn't happen exactly like that. jhoanne needed to go down for something - renewing her US visa i think - and she took the kids on the subway and he met them at the platform. It was such a treat for them...they got to see Daddy's office, have lunch there and most importantly, get the day off of school.
so, today it was just me and my bella.
and as i was walking out of the Superstore i was thinking, "what on earth was I ever complaining about when it was just me and Emily? having one kid is a breeze! so easy! it's nothing like having three!"....and then....right before me...

flat as all heck.

so, i put isabella in the car.
i put the shopping bags in the car.
and i call the husband.

what a shitty end to a really nice day with my baby.
my mother in law had to come and pick us up.
my van is still sitting in the superstore parking lot.
and now my morning tomorrow will be spent getting a new tire.
Extreme Secret
i finally figured it out.
i was just going to the gym at the wrong time.
when i was working at scholastic, i only worked until 3 pm every day and always stopped at the gym on my way about 3:15. everyone was always fit, gorgeous, and skinny.

this morning i went back to the gym.
it felt really good to be there. i had the best workout. really. i did.
i've been working out. but there's something being at an actual gym that pushes you to work yourself so much harder.

and there i was, at 9:00 in the morning.
with the chubbies, the tubbies, and the bubbies.
it seems that by 9, the hardcore hard bodies have come and gone. and it seems that by 3, they get the student rush. at 9, it's wonderful. it's the grandparents and the stay at home moms. just my speed. i was loving it.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
and like that...we're off to Hollywood...
..okay, i wasn't going to write about last night's final audition city, Boston, but since i spent the entire hour peeing in my pants, i figured i'd go for it.

~best line? "Line?"
~Clay Fakin...I could ahve gone without seeing him button up his pants in the cloakroom....cloakroom????...all those poor coats...I guess that's an English thing...
~Ayla Brown was built up too much. she was good, but i was expecting her to rock it.
~how bout when foreign strip tease girl got the flower got stuck in her hair?? ha!
~Kenneth. oh Kenneth. oh lordy. "Cher, you're not going to Hollywood." was anyone else hoping he'd share his Judy garland with us too?
~okay, i'm sorry, but Becca hot-twin was not good at all. either was her sister mimicking her on the sidelines. and of course, Maxim's already got them...
~I liked Josh Groban jr. great voice!
~Tatiana - i liked that she like Randy's sweater (cuz i did too) but she lost me when she said "My dad's sexy!" - ew.
~Of the four people they showed who got through though, Simon didn’t give one yes. i can't wait for tonight!!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Oh Britney in trouble!
she better not be carrying baby #2, since clearly she's got enough trouble with #1.

According to The New York Post, Britney cruised down the Pacific Coast Highway in her SUV with 16-week-old Sean on her lap. That's a no-no in California, whose law says kids "must be secured in an appropriate child-passenger restraint [a safety or booster seat] until they are at least 6 years old or weigh at least 60 pounds."

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The picture is one of a series in which the background is clearly changing as, the photogragher says, Britney drives between Cross Creek and Los Flores — about two miles.

The photographer told The Post that he came upon Britney at a Starbucks in the Malibu area at 1 p.m. "I noticed she had the baby in her lap," he said. "Next thing I know, she was driving south on the PCH ... I'm not sure if she was wearing a seat belt ... I was surprised. She looked very relaxed -- like it was a normal thing to do." The singer's bodyguard was in the front passenger seat.

Britney issued a statement to People magazine saying, "Today I had a horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi while I was with my baby. Because of a recent incident when I was trapped in my car without my baby by a throng of paparazzi, I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us, and took photos of us which were sold to the media. I love my child and would do anything to protect him."

The TV show 'EXTRA' has obtained the following statement from X17, the company that took the picture: "These pictures were taken in a very peaceful context, in which photographers exhibited no aggressive behavior. We believe the pictures speak for themselves."
Extreme battling make a long and painful story short...i now have free membership at my gym until November of this year. yay for me. now i have absolutely no excuses to get skinny in 2006.

in september of 2004, i prepaid for a year at the gym. in march, i froze it because i wasn't working out while i was pregnant. i just couldn't. the minute i stopped looking good in my workout clothing, i had to cease and desist.

the one thing about my gym that i can't handle is that about 99% of the people working out don't need to work out. they are gorgeous and super fit and always tan and wear makeup to work out. makeup? who does that? i'll tell you. people trying to get picked up. or pick others up. and let me tell you, thursday nights at extreme fitness are more happening than any pub night i've ever witnessed.

so, when the husband came to me in december and said that we had been charged the monthly fee for october and november, i knew something was amiss. i shouldn't have been getting membership was still frozen. so, i went in and naturally (because i'm THAT unlucky) for some strange reason, it never got frozen. great. bring in a doctor's note and you'll be give credit for the months you were charged. easy peasy.

then we got charged for december. and january.

my friend Mark, who worked at the gym and was helping me sort this out, moved branches...and took my story with him. cut to now. FINALLY. we have sorted through this pain in the ass and i was credited and all is good in the world and i'm free to work out with all the hotties until november. now you know where i'll be tomorrow....buying this. i need to fit in, right?????
Maxim joke of the day
i tried testing out this audioblogging thing in the car while driving carpool this morning. it was actually super cute and all the kids said hi. but, alas, since i'm slightly not all that computer literate...well, in this case, phone literate...i hung up before it you'll have to listen to me...telling a joke....

this is an audio post - click to play

i hope it works. and i promise the next audio post will be much, much cooler.
Monday, February 06, 2006
humanly possible?
eternal question of the day...

how on earth is it possible to weigh one thing on friday morning and to weigh 5 1/2 pounds more on monday morning. it's not, right?

granted, i wasn't exactly watching what i ate this weekend...had sushi and wine on friday night, a big meal for lunch on saturday, sushi and chocolate cake on saturday night...but on sunday? the day of the superbowl...when most people pack in about 2000 calories just eating snacks....the entire freakin day all i ate was...3 cookies and 2 brownies. oh, and a bite of joshie's grilled cheese. that's it. the whole day.

how on earth did i gain 5 pounds?
goodbye pre-pregnancy weight.
hello flabbity-flab-flab.
it was nice while it lasted.
holy shit! aka Grey's Anatomy
~okay....that was the best thing i've seen on television in a really, really long time. when that white screen came up at the end, it was only then that i realized i had been holding my breath. insane! how on earth am i going to wait until next week to see this conclude? and yes, yes, i understand that this show=not realistic. but grey's is NOT about the bomb. it's about the interpersonal relationships. the bomb is secondary. and yes, we know that Meredith is not going to die. but i'm still crapping in my pants, nonetheless...

~Dr. Milton? what an asshole! i can't believe he left her like that...although as soon as he started talking about the pink mist, i knew it was coming. Christina Ricci was awesome, i thought.

~I actually liked Addison for the first time this week, even if she did take Meredith's Mcdreamy, her Mcdog and her McLife...:)

~I swear, when George was all "Bailey's back!" and hugged her I was right there with him. yay for Bailey. yay for Bailey's water breaking on George's shoe. Boo for Bailey's husband and her having to have her baby alone!! my heart will break if her husband dies. best line of the night: "Can you get me a new vagina?"

~I loved when Alex screamed back in the lady's face. I giggled.

~"I'm horny, I'm half-naked, and I'm saying 'yes'. Are you going to stand there talking about metaphors or are you literally going to take your pants off?" Izzy is certainly a do-er now!

~I loved it when McDreamy told the bomb squad guy that he wasn't afraid of the Chief but that he was afraid of Dr. Bailey. ah and McDreamy and Burke's conversation about calling each other by their first names...adorable.

~I think i'm going to watch it again now. i can't believe i have to wait an entire freaking week....
Friday, February 03, 2006
i'm all about the gossip today, folks!
~~well, it seems a certain cheeto-eating, barefoot-bathroom-walking new mommy may or may not be pregnant with Kevin Federline's seed.

~~Mandy Moore and Zach Braff are engaged.

~~Full House's "how rude" chick is a meth addict, and the world isn't at all surprised...

~~Brokeback to the Future. brilliant. f%^&ing brilliant.

~~from the separated at birth files:
Jared Leto and the large mutant leprechauns:
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Owen Wilson IS Ellen Degeneres:
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Ashley Simpson and David Lee Roth:
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too small...
we are pretty spoiled with our Isabella.
she's the kind of kid who only cries when there's something wrong ala she has a dirty diaper or she's hungry.

so, last night, she confused the hell out of me.
my nanny had gone to get her haircut. Isabella woke up from her nap, screaming bloody murder. i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what was wrong. i smelled her bum. like roses, it was. she had just taken a two-hour nap, so clearly she wasn't tired. not hungry either.


so, here i am, trying to make dinner for the kidlets. grilled cheese for joshua and pasta for emily. goodness knows, they couldn't have picked the same dinner. i couldn't put Isabella down. she was screaming.

so, i pulled out Gilda's baby bjorn. Mia swears by it and says it's the only way she can get things done. Ruby too. so, clearly, they must be in the know. so, i strapped my daughter to my chest and made dinner for the kids. guess what? she LOVED it. happy as a clam. no screaming.

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(p.s. photo credit: Emily Martell)

so, we did it all with the bjorn. (btw, i really enjoy saying that word). we brushed joshie's teeth, put him to bed, did homework with Emily. by the time the husband got home at almost 8, Isabella was still upset. he took off her sleeper to change her diaper and she starting smiling her head off and cooing her brains out. and doing this gurgling thing she's recently taken up.

then he put her sleeper back on and she started fussing again.
what? what? what?

hmmm...i looked at the sleeper again.
too small.
her poor little sausage feet were stuffed into a sleeper that was too small for her.
and she was uncomfortable.
the poor, poor thing.
i had no idea.
so, we quickly disposed of said sleeper and put her into a nice and BIG sleeper.

i felt so bad.
for her.
and for me for not having figured this out three hours earlier.
TV Round-Up
Beefcake Club, Love Boat, Golden Girls, and Spice Girls AKA Survivor

~Okay, Dan (is that his name?) is the Whitest White Man who ever did White. Seriously. The boy glows in the dark
~I loved Melinda's little snark to Probst: "You should try it"ha!
~Holy Shnikies, the lumber JILL.
~Why oh why didn't they get rid of Cerie, you know, the one who is scared of leaves and is in desperate need of a sports bra?
~who else thinks it will be fun to watch Shane flip out from his lack of cigarettes and his impatience for his tribe? color me unprepared.
~Misty = Anne Hathaway mixed with slammin' Ambuh
~should turn out to be a good season. so many goobers.

ding, ding, Johnny's dead! AKA the OC

~he better have freakin' died.
~seriously?nough with the trailer park jazz. We get it. Grits, pork rinds, Gus, wine coolers, and now hot pockets? They overplayed the public schools of hell angle and now they're taking this too far. Even if it is Julie Cooper. who totally rocks my socks.
~is it wrong to love stoned seth?
~they stole my "after-school special" line! right out from my post last week!
~best line? "I know you've been married for like 200 years" ooooh, or “We should take our pants off.”
~yay Ryan!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
because we all need a little funny in our lives.
Bistro Grande with the frums
So, the husband's first cousin is getting married on the 14th.
well...let us backtrack a bit.
my mother in law comes from a unique family.
she had three brothers and one sister.
two of her brothers are very, very religious rabbis. one lives in Israel and one lives in Toronto. her other brother and her sister are gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and live in England. Makes for very interesting family get togethers...wouldn't you say?

so, the religious ones in Toronto are marrying off their oldest daughter Chana. to another relative. an even more religious second cousin from England. seriously, the girl doesn't even have to change her last name.

last night we went out to dinner...a quasi-bachelorette party, if you will. we - my mother in law, my sister in law sharon, chana (the bride to be), masha (her mother), Chavi (her sister) and a cousin (i'm afraid to say i don't even know her name) - went out to dinner.

now, when it comes to food. i'm NOT a sharer. i don't like to share my food with others for two reasons. a) germs. cross contamination of forks when eating off the same plates. it's a no no in my books. and b) i'm VERY picky and there are only a handful of things i'm willing to eat on any given menu. i don't like it at chinese restaurants. i can't do "family style". it just doesn't work for me.

so, last night, sharon asked if i wanted to share a pizza. perfect. carmelized onions, roasted peppers, chili peppers...mmmm...then, out of the corner of my ears, i hear the rest of the table making plans to "share" everything. that's when the panic set in. but, hey, i figured, i had my half a pizza. all was good in the world.

so, mind you, there were 7 of us. they ordered two tuna appetizers. one pasta with salmon in it. and one salad. for 5 people, since sharon and i were having pizza. i thought it wasn't enough food...

but, you know women, they don't eat in public. funny that. it's amazing to me how there are so many fat women in the world, considering how little they all eat when they are around me. every time i go out for a meal, i end up looking like the pig. it's almost like women are afraid to eat in front of other women. one time i went out with my mother in law for sushi. i ordered two rolls of spicy veggie and she ordered one roll. and was stuffed after eating 3 pieces. me? i ate my two rolls. i'm a big believer in going out and ENJOYING myself. if i want to eat like a bird, i'll do it at home. if i'm going out, i'm going to indulge.

anyway, out comes my pizza. it looked amazing, by the way. and since it was 8 o'clock and i was starving, i was looking forward to having my 3 slices. but, then, something funny happened. since everyone was SHARING, apparently, our pizza was up for grabs too...and people started eating it! ah! so...i came away from the meal HUNGRY. how sad is that? i was treated to a nice meal at a nice restaurant, and i went home hungry. i've now learned the trick to staying thin. go out for meals with other women. i swear, i'll be a stick in no time.

aside from the food, the night was interesting. we got there just after 7 and just after 8 i was ready to go home and watch American Idol. but, yet, somehow, i didn't get home until 10:30. we were there FOREVER. i did enjoy hearing about the wedding plans and where everyone was staying and yada yada yada. but there was only so much a woman could take. i started getting super antsy and needed to leave.

my most favorite part of the evening was watching Chana turn a super bright shade of valentine red when Sharon pulled out a box from La Senza. i assure you, the gift was tasteful. Sharon knew better than to scare the shit out of this poor girl by giving her something with rhinestones or fur.

so, all in all, i'm glad the night is over, and i'm still looking forward to watching American Idol, but i think Chana had a really nice time. and at the end of the day...that's really all that matters, isn't it?
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
dullest audition show yet.
the only remotely interesting thing about last night was Simon Cowell.
several of his good lines:
"Can't you just watch the show next season?"
"I'm usually the one that does the handcuffing."
"Just as well, we couldn't afford the food bill."
"Hooray! Hooray, hooray, hooray!"
"And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did." israeli...

I'm a displaced American writer, mom, and wife living in Canada who muses about my life, my kids, my tv watching and my slight obsession with celebrities.
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(Random Site)
Reading Lolita in Tehran * Azar Nafisi
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close * Jonathan Safran Foer
i bet you look good on the dance floor * arctic monkeys
the skin of my yellow country teeth * clap your hands say yeah
chasing cars * snow patrol
movie script ending * death cab for cutie
anthems for a 17-year-old girl * broken social scene
all these things that I've done * the killers
one more night (your ex-lover remains dead) * stars
a little less 16 candles a little more touch me * fall out boy
the great salt lake * band of horses
october, first account * be your own pet
mushaboom * feist
letter from an occupant * new pornographers

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