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Friday, July 30, 2004
Non-living things have a Gender too...
This came from my friend Christine. It's hilarious.

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

I Found It! I Found It!
I'm such a detective!

After remembering that the store next door to the store where i first spotted those two books was called Quotations, i found the number on and called them to get the number of the store next door, Main Street Ltd.

Then i called them and told them about the book i was looking for and.....drumroll please...

there are two. and they are called - On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God (which is pink) and Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging (which is yellow) by Louise Rennison. Note that neither one of the books is purple. but they are written by a British woman and are very Bridget Jones-esque.

Oh happy, happy day.
no hand washing, no shoes, no thank you...
Okay...I just watched someone come out of a bathroom stall at work and NOT WASH HER HANDS! Gross. It's almost as bad as the first week I started working here and I saw a woman's feet in the stall next to mine...And she wasn't wearing any shoes!!!

Last week I took my kiddies to my husband's baseball game. Inevitably, I heard the words, "Mommy, I need to make." After I told her that the only place there was to pee was the port-o-let, she said, "I'm just joking Mommy, I don't need to make." So, I, as a germophobe, was quite happy to not have to figure out how we were both going to fit in the stall, without either of us touching something. But, I, as the mother, was not so happy. I knew that she wasn't "just joking" - most kids don't joke around about things like that.

I proceeded to ask her about 18 times over the next 5 minutes until finally she started doing the dance. And I knew it was time. As a side note, after taking Emily to the cottage for a few days while we were away, my mother in law told me that Emily is just like me. She didn't want to pee in the toilet in the cottage because she didn't think it was clean enough for her. I guess I've trained her well - - - no peeing in nasty looking toilets.

Luckily, I came up with a good plan. I took her behind the port-o-let, stripped her down, dangled her legs over my arm until she was in a sitting/squatting position and let her pee. A little pampers wiping and some purell and we were good to go. How's that for a little ingenuity?!? And I wasn't even a girl scout!!

Stop Reading US!!!
I got a good laugh out of this.
It's a man's plea to his wife to stop reading US magazine.
Sounds familiar.

It's all about the cellulite this week in Hollywood...
...according to Star Magazine, Britney Spears has got it.

And Scarlett Johansson told US magazine, "I hope they make a videogame of me. At least I wouldn't have any cellulite then."

oh...yes...i do feel bad for them...

Thursday, July 29, 2004
Firsts and Lasts
First best friend: Danyelle

First car: 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited. I still drive it.

First real kiss: 7th grade. it was in june. in my garage.

First screen name: ktchandle

First self purchased album: New Kids on the Block. Hangin' Tough.

First pets: Smoothie. a dog.

First piercing/tattoo: ears pierced when my little brother was born. I was 8.

First credit card: my dad's american express

First enemy: Danyelle (yes, the same one who was my first best friend)

First music you remember hearing in your house: Annie soundtrack. Simon and Garfunkel.


Last car ride: To work this morning.

Last kiss: my son this morning.

Last good cry: one month ago - June 30th

Last library book checked out: it was in 1996 - Love Story. i never returned it.

Last book bought: Girl with a Pearl Earring.

Last movie seen: In a theatre . . . Shrek 2. At home . . . Along Came Polly.

Last beverage drank: water

Last food consumed: a Luna bar

Last time showered: This morning.

Last shoes worn: my black sandals with the black flower on them. love them

Last item bought: coffee this morning.

Last time scolded: got yelled at by my hubby for not calling Bell to get them to send me a hard copy of my my bill.
But now you want to know the #1 most embarrassing story...'s not all that exciting.

I put my ass through the back of a wicker chair when we were eating at Jack and Ilana's house. I stood up to get something and when i went to sit back down...riiiiip...I'm completely traumatized from that day, even though they don't think it was a big deal. The did go out and buy new chairs, though.

oh, the horror.
Sweet the lick...
It's embarrassing, and my friends like to bring it up at social events, so I figure I'll just get it out in the open. It's my #2 most embarassing moment.

We are sitting around one night watching The Karate Kid - one of my all-time faves - with our friends Mike and Sarah. Anyway, close to the end of the movie, I turn to Mike and say, "What's with when he tells him to sweet the lick? What the hell is that, anyway? Some weird karate move?"

He says, with a huge laugh, "It's sweep the leg, not sweet the lick."

okay. blushing. me. very badly.

but i'm totally over it now.
Interesting Info Nugget
Not to devote my entire day to the Pennsylvania Dutch...but this is interesting.

The Amish weren't actually Dutch, they were German. But "Deutsch" got turned into "Dutch" at some point.
Rumspringa in the City
Rumspringa is a Pennsylvanian Dutch word that is loosely translated as "running around" or "running wild." It is a rite of passage for young Amish men and women. During rumspringa, the Amish are encouraged to check out the world outside their closed communities.

UPN jumped on the rumspringa bandwagon and developed a 10-week series called, "Amish in the City," a reality tv show that plunks five Amish men and women, between the ages of 16 and 24, in a house in LA with six dwellers.

I caught a few minutes of this show last night - it was a 2 hour episode and I couldn't commit myself because i had to watch Paris and Nicole waxing some poor guy's back. But the few minutes i watched were quite entertaining.

I'm sure every review today will talk about a few of the scenes that I saw - Amish Mose and Ruth going food shopping with vegan Ariel, the gay guy taking the Amish guys clothes shopping, and Mose's first experience and panic in the ocean. But, my most favorite scene in the entire episode (well, the 20 minutes that I watched) was when Ruth, Mose, and Ariel are walking down the street, and Ruth becomes fascinated with the parking meter and shouts something like, "I've never seen one of them things before!" and she was excited. I mean, she was really excited about a parking meter. wow, that was funny. I'm laughing right now just thinking about it.

I'm sure I'll be watching more of "Amish in the City." After all, I'm a reality tv junkie (except for Big Brother, which i refuse to watch) and i think this one will be entertaining. Heck, I even got a huge kick out of the Oprah episode where she spent the day in Amish country.I did get a little sick to my stomach seeing her without make-up, but the show was great.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Some Words of Wisdom...
...from Lindsay Lohan:

On reaching voting age: "I'm not very politically involved. And I don't like to talk about it. I mean, if you say you're a Democrat, that'll turn off Republicans and that's half your fan base."
Morning Movie Quote
"Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you."

oh...Along Came Polly. I just watched this movie...because basically every single person i know told me that I'm exactly like Reuben. And after watching the movie...they are right. With the ethnic food, with the public bowls of nuts, it's a T. Except I wouldn't have stayed in a relationship where i would have had to throw up. One barfing episode and i would have been so out of there.
Do You Love It??
~ Sorry....I'm just getting prepared for tonight's episode of The Simple Life. "Do you Love It?" and "That's hot" have officially been entered into my vocabulary. Okay, last week, when Nicole said that she was a masseuse in Korea....well...that was hot. :)

~ this is my name in Chinese -

~ anyone watch the Amazing Race last night? a few rants and raves about the episode:

1. okay...Charla in the hockey padding was just about the funniest thing I've seen in months. I swear i was peeing in my pants when Gav turned to me and said, "She doesn't have any gloves." I was like, "Gloves? She doesn't have any hands!"

2. okay...Brandon not wanting to drink the shot because they are good Christians. Okay....where was his WWJD conscience when they plotted against their foursome to get plane tickets behind everyone's backs. Yes, that's what a good Christian would do.

3. okay...watching the girls eat the caviar!! 2 freakin' pounds of caviar. What were the men thinking letting their women do the eating - didn't any of these people ever watch a reality tv show?? hello? McFly? Anyone who has seen Survivor, Fear Factor or even past episodes of the Amazing Race should know that food challenges = you are going to have to eat something nasty. Chip got it right for once - go Chip!! He deserved first place - did you see the way he devoured that caviar??!

Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Bad news of the day
2006? 2006? 2006?!! Is this a joke?

oh, Tony, say it ain't so!

i have to wait to watch the Sopranos until 2006....grr...that's just taking advantage, man.
No "Keep off the grass" signs here...
This is a real place - i've passed it on the highway many times

No need to rubberneck this accident...
...i was running late this morning, which is usually the case when one of the children attaches himself on to me and Jhoanne has to peel him off, and when it's raining.

I was stopped at the light at New Westminster and Clark (about a minute and half from my house) for like 10 minutes. From where i was, i could see 6 firetrucks, at least 8 police cars, an ambulance, and a smashed up minivan. i was surprised that there was such a huge turnout for just a smashed minivan.

Holy hell - when i moved up a bit, i saw a city bus sitting in one of my neighbor's backyards. It had smashed through the wall that separates my subdivision and the fairly busy Clark, and was literally parked in their backyard. i couldn't see whether or not it had actually driven into their house, but oh man, was this crazy.
Monday, July 26, 2004
Argh...i could pinch myself...
while we were in NC, we stopped in this little one-street town called Brevard. We walked in and out of most of the shops quicker than you can say "small-town livin'" but we did spend a significant amount of time in this adorable shop. It had everything from candles to cookware to children's toys. I found a book that i wanted to buy, remembered the name - at the time, and planned to pick up a copy when i got home.

and now, for the life of me, i can't remember what the book was called. i remember the cover being purple, the book being written by a British woman, and it being kind of tongue-in-cheeck Bridget Jones-y type humor.

If anyone out there can help me out at all....i will be forever in your debt!

You had better sit in your thinking chair for this one...
After six years of dancing around in a green striped shirt and talking to salt and pepper shakers, Steve Burns is venturing out into new territory - he has shaved his head,due mostly to his male pattern baldness, and become an indie rock star.

Steve from Blue's Clues? a rock ask skeptically? Yes, it's true. And he's good. I mean, he's really good. I got a chance yesterday to listen to a bit of his album, Songs for Dustmites, and i thoroughly enjoyed it.

Go skiddoo...we can too...
What Britney Spears did this weekend
or i could probably change that to who she did this weekend :)

to give credit where credit is due, i got these from :)
bootleggin' it
Last night i watched a copy of A Cinderella Story. No, i did not pay to see the movie. As hot as Chad Michael Murray is, I do not pay to see movies like this. I barely pay to see the big blockbuster movies...

Anyone who has seen the preview for this movie is most likely familiar with the costume that Hilary Duff wears to the "ball" - it's essentially a wedding gown with a little eye patch covering her eyes. It's clearly Hilary Duff. If you can't figure that out, like our conquering hero in the movie couldn't, you don't have any right to get the girl in the end. You are looking straight at her, but when you walk right by her the next day in school, you can't figure it out!?! You are a bonehead.

Anyway, the watching bootlegged copies of movies - i especially love when you can see people's heads as they get up to use the bathroom - reminds me of my morning movie quote of the day - it's from Reality Bites:

"Oh, oh is this like a, is this like a pirate operation?"
"Do I look like a pirate to you?"
Friday, July 23, 2004
Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.'s that for a little darwin-ism today? :)
Hydrate, you fool
I don't think I'm drinking enough water.

I just read this whole article about how drinking a ton of water will help speed up your metabolism, and goodness knows, that's what's I need....some good ole metabolism boosting. I swear, I can eat 800 calories every day for a week and not lose a single pound. My husband, heaven bless him, can eat one less slice of pizza at dinner and drop 2 pounds by the next morning. I think my metabolism has just gotten way too used to eating so little that it's made it impossible for me to lose weight.

Does that make any sense at all?

Well, either way, I'm now on a mission to keep my body superhydrated. I was so quick this morning to drink my water that somehow I managed to spill half my drink on my shirt (at least it's only water...). yes, it's true, I have a drinking problem :)

anyone else have any metabolism boosting tips????

Thursday, July 22, 2004
I'm wetter than a seal in a water factory
I don't even know what this means, but i remember reading it somewhere and getting a good laugh out of it.

Well...regardless...i'm wet. i sure am happy that i blew my hair dry this morning...(and, yes, that was sarcasm, in case you weren't able to pick up on that..) I don't think it has stopped raining here all summer. Every morning i worry about how Emily's going to get to camp. I hate thinking that Jhoanne (our godsend of a nanny) would have to walk with both kids in the rain.

One would think, after all this rain, that i would have the smarts to keep an umbrella close by. But, sadly, no...i'm just not that smart. I left the house this morning, in the pouring rain, mind you, without an umbrella. i was fortunate enough to have left my jacket in the car (from the last time it yesterday...).

And i swear, i thought I was going to die on my way to work. the rain was coming down so hard - in sheets - that i could barely see the lights on the car in front of me. Thankfully, though, i made it to work in one piece.
Morning Movie Quote
Since I couldn't pick only one Mallrats quote...I've included 3 of my favorites.

"I have always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday when you asked me to do a striptease to the theme from Mighty Mouse, I said okay. When we were at that hotel on prom night and you asked me to sleep underneath the bed in case your mother burst in, I did it. And even when we were at my Grandmother's funeral and you told most of my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide, but if you think I'm gonna suffer anymore of your shit with a smile now that we've broken up, you're in for a big fucking disappointment."

"Look at you. You're the kind of guy that would beg for sex. I should know, we can smell our own."

"You're going to listen to me? To something I said? Jesus, man, haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? I mean, half the time I'm just talking out of my ass . . . or sticking my hand in it."
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
How to Keep a Healthy Level of Sanity
1.At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2.Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3.Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4.Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".

5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6.In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7.Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8.Don't use any punctuation marks.

9.As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10.Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12.Sing along at the opera.

13.Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14.Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15.Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16.Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

17.When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! third time this week!!!!!"

18.When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19.Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
testing, testing, 1 2 3

Breaking News! Breaking News!
It seems that Justin Timberlake, who supposedly broke up with Britney Spears because of her infidelity, is having his own issues in the cheating department. It seems he has been cheating on his girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. The girl in question is the Lara Croft model, 22-year old Lucy Clarkson. You can read all the the dirty details right here.
Quote of the Day
"I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell
everyone my life story instantaneously." - Kelly Ripa
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Real Men Wear Pink...
...apparently pink is the new blue.
I'm not 100% sold on this new trend, but it's beginning to grow on me. I have always associated pink with being feminine. 
In an article written by Anna Smyth, she says, "The pink shirt exudes confidence. The man who wears it successfully does so with no insecurities whatsoever about the chosen "feminine" colour. Take a look at the shirts worn by the most powerful chief executives and banking hot-shots, and you will see an above-average proportion of pink choices. There is no hint of weakness or self-consciousness, this man is so comfortable with himself that he does not have to worry about ridiculous whispers. This confidence, however, must not tipple over into arrogance or cockiness. There is nothing attractive about a man who knows he’s "hot stuff". Pink symbolises sensitivity - it is for the Boardroom Boss who rushes home from the office to bath his children. Or the boyfriend who massages his other half’s feet when she’s had a bad day. Always an absolute winner. "

Up the Mystic River Without a Paddle
A masterpiece.

The film opens in a working-class Boston neighborhood where the lives of three boys - Jimmy, Sean, and Dave - are destroyed as Jimmy and Sean watch in frozen confusion as their friend Dave is driven off by wolves in cop clothing. After four days of sexual abuse, Dave escapes and returns home. 
Twenty-five years later, the three are no longer friends, and they each seem to be plagued forever by the event that tore them apart. Jimmy (Sean Penn), a dark and emotional ex-con, changes his ways to put all of his energy into his family and the mom-and-pop convenience store that he runs. Sean (Kevin Bacon), a homicidal detective, relates better to his partner than to his estranged wife. And Dave (Tim Robbins), still dealing with his inner demons, can't hold down a job and spends much of his time drinking and walking his young son to school.
The three old friends are brought together again when Jimmy's 19-year-old daughter Katie is found brutally murdered. Sean is called in to investigate, and what follows is a classic Hollywood whodunit, or so we think. Dave comes home on the night of Katie's murder with someone else's blood on him. He tells his wife Celeste (Marcia Gay Harden) that he was mugged and in self-defense, may have killed the man. When nothing shows up in the paper about a mugger, Celeste worries that Dave may have been Katie's killer. All evidence points straight to Dave. But we are more interested in the relationships of the characters and their strained histories than the actual murder mystery and police investigation.

The beauty of this film is not the solid storyline, but the strong performances by each member of the star-studded cast. Sean Penn is dark and intense, but underneath you can see the humanity and love in his portrayal of the grieving father, Jimmy. Kevin Bacon is compelling as the determined cop with relationship issues. He and his partner Whitey, played by Laurence Fishbourne, have great on-screen chemistry. And Tim Robbins is at his finest, delivering a believable and somewhat creepy performance as the hollow, psychologically crippled Dave.
I loved this movie. I went in expecting an intense thriller, but what i discovered was a real human drama that hit me deep in my core.
Martha Stewart Living...the prison edition...
Larry King interviewed Martha Stewart yesterday- her first and only live interview since her sentencing. I copied this little bit from the transcript. I think it's interesting that even though she's going to jail, she's still got her instructer hat on. This time, instead of teaching  how to bake a cake or arrange flowers, she's teaching her public how to go to jail gracefully.
KING: This process taught you what?
STEWART: Oh, it's taught me a lot of things. And I think I'll write a book. Because, I think it could be helpful to other people, just about -- just about what lawyer to choose, how to behave, how to attend an interview. I mean there's things that, you know, there's no how-to book about this.
KING: No, there ain't.
STEWART: There isn't. Not that, you know, it's going to be a big bestseller. But for anybody who has to go through this process, there should be some guidelines. Because, guidelines would help.
Monday, July 19, 2004
Lord Have's a Wal-Mart
Well, we just got back from our week away at the Greystone Inn in Lake Toxaway, NC. Before we left, Emily promised that she would be a good girl if we would bring her back a purple care bear. We figured that request was easy enough to fill.
little did we know that we were going to be miles and miles from civilization. we're talking dial-up internet connections and no cell phone service. It definitely would not have been my first choice - it was slightly too rustic for me - but it was amazing.
I took both golf lessons and tennis lessons...and now i'm addicted to both. I went swimming and laid out and finally got my first tan - ever! no joke. i usually spend hours in the sun and turn bright red, only to have it fade straight back to white by the next morning. but, i actually have a tan.
I spent several hours in the spa - getting a manicure, facial, body treatment, and a massage, which were all fantastic, except for the manicure. My sister went for her pedicure and came out looking like some abstract painting. I'm not even joking when i tell you that she had nailpolish on her toe nails, on her toes, between her was everywhere. we wondered if maybe the lighting was just bad. But, my sister in law Rachel and I learned the truth when we went for our manicures. This lady wasn't just a bad manicurist, she was blind to boot. The woman couldn't see two inches in front of her face, which, let me tell you, is exactly what you want in someone who is coming at you with a nail file. I'm lucky i came out of there in one piece.
I ate like a heifer, but somehow managed to only gain 2 pounds. i told myself that i wouldn't get on the scale until next sunday...but who was i kidding. i was on there bright and early this morning. I almost got on last night but i knew it just would have ended in tears.
You can see our pictures from the trip here. The first two pictures are of my sister and i breaking the law. They had closed our pool and we were so hot, so we snuck into a private pool!! I'm quite the daredevil :)
we did end up finding the purple care bear, but not in lake toxaway. we waited until we were back in atlanta and hit the wal-mart on saturday night. Thank heaven for 24-hour wal-marts.
From the Mouths of Babes...
Emily tells her little brother, "Mommy and Daddy went on vacation because we are too crazy."
Friday, July 09, 2004
Miss Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks....
okay, so my friend Orah tells me that she can't get the stupid Ashlee Simpson song out of her head...i can't get the stupid Paris Hilton song out of my head, and it's not even the whole's just the one line that they keep playing over and over again on The Simple Life. It's driving me crazy.

I googled the line and found out that it is an actual song by the Penfifteen Club and it's called Miss Hilton:

Oh my looky there
Stone-cold foxy platinum hair
Short skirt, barely there
Make a chick wanna hate, make a boy wanna stare

Ms Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks
Get the feelin that you don’t really give a fuck
Ms Hilton I like the way you push and glide
Rollerskates on a social butterfly

Breeze by velvet ropes
Ski this town like a bunny slope
Oh my there she goes
Long money girl in her short money clothes

Ms Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks
Was it you with your bunny all up in the club
Ms Hilton I like the way you push and glide
Rollerskates on a social butterfly

Blinded by the light....
...i'm pretty sure this is one of the most famous songs with misheard lyrics. wrapped up like a douche another roller in the night. or revved up like a douche-bag or a runner in the night. or wrapped up by Venusians in the middle of the night. or wrapped up like a douche, in the aroma in the night.

the actual words - in case you didn't know - are "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night."

or maybe big old jet airliner...that's a good one too.

here's mine:
Britney Spears - i'm a slave for you

i hear it as - because you hardly know my name or lemme have my lemonade
but it is actually - "leaving behind my name, my age."

whatever, mine are much better :)

Morning Movie Quote
"That's all we got, one goddamn hit?"
"You can't say goddamn on the air."
"Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway."

"I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime."
"Most of these guys never had a prime."
"This guy here is dead!"
"Cross him off then."

i's two quotes...but this movie is too damn funny to only include one...

Lost Hamster Found...
This is not a joke!! My neighbor actually has a sign on his front lawn that says, "Lost Hamster Found" with an arrow pointing to their house. Where would someone find a lost hanster? and who on earth would take in a stray hamster??? it did give me a good laugh though.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
To Brazil and Argentina and back to tell about it...
Well...i did it! I think a Brazilian wax has to be some sort of rite of passage for females. I feel like now i should get to belong to some elite group. women who torture themselves to be sexy.

Okay, so i'd never had anything waxed at all. I'm a shaver. I'm not a hairy person in general, and i've been quite pleased with shaving for the most part. But then my friend and I spoke once about going Brazilian. She did it without me while I was away. Then suddenly it was a challenge - if so could do it, so could i.

I walked into the room and Argentina told me to strip and that she'd come back into the room. I didn't really understand why she left me in private to remove my clothing, only to have me lie down on the table completely in the buff, but whatever. I don't ask questions at my OB's office; I wasn't asking any questions here.

It was quite a quick process, actually. From the time she put the first bit of hot wax on me until she was dusting me with baby powder, it was, maybe, 15 minutes. It was definitely painful, but not as bad as i was expecting. I used the breathing exercises i had learned in my prenatal classes (the funny thing, though, is that i never actually used any breathing at my actual labors so it's nice to know those classes weren't a complete waste of time).

I read an article written by Christina Valhouli before i got the wax. She said, "getting waxed is one of those hidden female pleasures, like wearing trashy lingerie under a business suit. It's your little secret that makes you walk around with a smile, and puts an extra swagger in your step." That is certainly true - I haven't been able to stop smiling all morning.

Scenes from my daily life....take 1
Here's the set-up. I'm in the shower, with the door open, so i can watch the kids eating their cheerios and watching Blue's Clues on my bed.

"Mommy, i'm going to wear this dress to camp today." Emily says three times. i can't hear her because the shower is running.
"No - you aren't wearing that dress - it's way too small and it's too fancy."

a minute later

"Mommy, i'm going to wear this shirt and this skirt to camp."
"No - you aren't. You can wear that shirt, but that skirt is too fancy to wear. how about when i get out we pick a pair of shorts."
"No!!!" Heaven forbid i should force her to wear shorts.
"Emily, most normal children wear shorts to camp."

30 seconds later she shows up wearing a shirt with a flower pattern on it and a skirt with polka dots.
I open the closet door.
"No," i say, only imagining what the floor in her room looks like right now because she's most likely dumped out all of her drawers.
"First of all, it doesn't match. why don't you wait until i get out of the shower, when we can actually hear each other, and i'll pick you a nice jean skirt to go with that pretty shirt you picked out?" See, i can compromise.
"No! i don't want to."
"Okay, here's the deal. i'm going to finish my shower now. i do not want to be interrupted again. Go and finish watching Blue's Clues with Joshie and when i get out we will talk about it."

silence is golden.

"Mommy! Joshie's hitting me! Ah! Joshie don't touch me!" the rest is inaudible because i'm behind my shower door.

I get out of the shower, not finished, mind you. I'm pretty sure only one leg leg got shaved today - possibly one and a half.
"That's it! Why can't you guys give me 5 minutes of peace so i can take a shower in the morning???!!!" i yell. i'm trying very hard these days NOT to resort to yelling, but occasionally they test my patience way too much in the mornings.

We go to Emily's room and i pick out a pair of khaki shorts from last summer. I knew better this summer than to buy her new shorts that she was never going to wear. She put them on, surprisingly without a fuss.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Morning Movie Quote
"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age"

what a great movie...:)
It's "B" day... in Brazilian day. I'm scared to death. My friend Michelle was going to come with me, but she's busy today. I have my ibuprofen all ready, because there's no way in hell I'm going in there without being drugged up off my ass. I have a 4:00 appointment with someone named Argentina. What are the odds on that? I wonder if all their waxers are named after South American countries...
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Someone's getting fired... the New York Post this morning after it announces Kerry's choice for running mate.

So...i finally went in for my first eye exam in 3 years. No real reason really - just pure laziness. Well, it's a good thing i went in. My prescription changed from 1.5 in each eye to about 2.75...which is a huge difference. it's amazing i've been able to function. seems i have some sort of eye disease. great. just what i need. it's called keratoconus. I'm slightly freaked out. i guess reading up on it might be the worst thing for me. the dr. didn't seem to be too concerned - he said i wouldn't lose my vision, which really is all i care about.
Morning Movie Quote
"There are no utensils in medieval times, thus, there are no utensils AT Medeival Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?"

anyone? anyone?
Monday, July 05, 2004
Monday Musings...
~~"Kevin is a good person for Britney if she's looking for stability." So says Britney's aunt Diane Story. Yeah, stable is the first word I think of when I think of a guy who left his pregnant girlfriend to go frolicking around the globe with Britney Spears. Stable. Yes.

~~The word on the street is that Keira Knightley, who looks ever so much like Natalie Portman, actually played Queen Amidala's handmaiden decoy in Star Wars Episode I. Funny. And when I checked out for confirmation, it lists Sophia Coppola in a cameo role as one of the other handmaidens.

~~I guess people will have to wait for the DVD version of "A Home at the End of the World" to see Colin Farrell's lucky charms. Apparently, his nude scene was too "distracting" for test audiences, who were rumored to have gasped at seeing the size of the Irish star's full monty.
Rage Against the Machine
The photocopier, that is.

I swear, every time i go to make photocopies, i end up taking apart the machine piece by piece. I get these notices that flash, "open area 3, pull out drawer 3b, take out misfed sheet...etc." - These machines are supposed to be able to make photocopies. It's 11:35 am and i've done nothing productive since 9 am because i've been trying to make these stupid photocopies. argh.

On a bright note, I'm getting paid quite nicely to be a photocopy repairman :)

I'm a displaced American writer, mom, and wife living in Canada who muses about my life, my kids, my tv watching and my slight obsession with celebrities.
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(Random Site)
Reading Lolita in Tehran * Azar Nafisi
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close * Jonathan Safran Foer
i bet you look good on the dance floor * arctic monkeys
the skin of my yellow country teeth * clap your hands say yeah
chasing cars * snow patrol
movie script ending * death cab for cutie
anthems for a 17-year-old girl * broken social scene
all these things that I've done * the killers
one more night (your ex-lover remains dead) * stars
a little less 16 candles a little more touch me * fall out boy
the great salt lake * band of horses
october, first account * be your own pet
mushaboom * feist
letter from an occupant * new pornographers

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