yeah, easy for other people to say.

I got into an accident last night.
In my father-in-law's car. ouch.

I'm still slightly in shock this morning. Physically, I'm okay. Emotionally, not so much. I think i'm a little better this morning than i was last night.

But, oh my freakin' lord, it was scary. The only other accident I've ever had was when i was 16, and it wasn't bad at all - it was raining cats and dogs and i rear-ended the person in front of me.

Last night's fiasco was another rear-ending, and it was raining too. It was basically a case of me not paying attention for about a second. I looked down in the car and when i looked up, there was a stopped Acura MDX in front of me. I panicked and hit the gas instead of the brake, and smashed into the Acura.

I stood out in the rain for over an hour waiting for the policeman to arrive. The ACura lady didn't want to drive her car because something was dangling, so she called the cops. He was actually quite kind to me, considering the situation.

The hardest part was having to deal with this all alone. I felt like i was 10 years old. i had no idea what was going on (i'm fortunate that I'm not all experienced with accidents) but i made sure just to keep asking questions.

It's all over now. The timing was the second worst part of it. My husband had just landed in toronto at the time of the accident and he and his parents are leaving this morning for a wedding in new york over the weekend, so i'm here all alone to deal with this. We went this morning to rent a car (it's actually not a terrible car - it's a KIA outlander).

The very worst part of it is that I doubt that my father in law will ever be speaking to me again. Granted, he did lend us his car, and I did get into an accident in it. I would be pissed as well. He has every right to be. But, i don't think he's going to get past this. and I really can't live with that. WE had discussed renting me a car while we were figuring out whether or not to fix the jeep or to get the minivan. We ended up asking to borrow the car instead. In hindsight, we know renting would have been the best choice. Also, had i learned how to drive stick, the accident would have been in my husband's car - not as bad of a situation.

Now, my father in law doesn't want to go through insurance because he doesn't want his premium to go up and he doesn't want to lose his five-star, never had an accident status. so now my husband is trying to convince the acura lady to get an estimate on their car and just allow us to pay for it - so then they don't have to send a claim into the insurance company either. I'm a little nervous about this - not because it will save us money (which it obviously will NOT because spending money to fix the lumina, the acura, and my jeep is not exactly something we can afford right now - for us going through insurance is better financially), but because if afterwards the lady decides that she "was injured" in the accident, we get screwed. The only positive side about not going through insurance is that my father in law might be willing to find a way to get past this, because we will be paying for all damages and he doesn't lose anything out of it. So, we'll have to see what happens now.

I'm a bit of a wreck this morning. But, i'm realizing that I'm going to come out of this with several lessons: that accidents happen all the time and i should be thankful that i'm okay, that i shouldn't sweat the small stuff - shouldn't get annoyed with little things that happen with the kids etc. because things could be much much worse, that i need to get my head out of the clouds and start focusing more - i''ve been slightly out of focus for the last little while.

well, there's my rant of the day.
must get coffee into this body.