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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I've got Soul but i'm not a Soldier
in the last few months, i have heard:
"XXX doesn't like you because you once gave her a recipe and sabotaged it."
"XXX thinks you don't like her."
"XXX doesn't like you because once she saw you and you weren't overly friendly to her."
"XXX doesn't like you because you're snobby."
"XXX thinks you don't like her because instead of looking at her, you look through her."
"XXX and i were talking and we think it's weird that you and XXX are friends."

okay, first of all, sabotaging a recipe? seriously, who does that?? (i mean, of course, besides Marie Barone??) that's entirely NOT my style. if i don't want you to have a recipe, i'll say no. i wouldn't go to the trouble to destroy it for you. especially since you are a good friend.
second of all....people think it's weird if i'm friends with someone else? who has the time in their lives to sit and think about why people are friends with other people?? seriously??
and why do all these people think i don't like them?

i feel like i'm stuck in a time loop and i keep having to relive the 10th grade.
it's karma, isn't it?
karma, for not being a nice girl in high school. for being icy, for being mean, and for being snobby.

i feel like this is a battle i just can't win. and i don't know - truth be told - if i'm up for the fight.
~how do you convince people who think you're one way that you aren't?
~how do make someone see that if you turned your head to someone, maybe it was because you were having a bad day, and it had nothing to do with them?
~how do you let someone know that maybe you don't come up to them in a crowd because you feel like you might say something stupid, so you avoid saying anything at all?
~how do you tell people that you have stresses in your have money issues, you have kid issues, you have job issues??

you can't really.
but, my god, no wonder all girls have self esteem issues.

I'm a displaced American writer, mom, and wife living in Canada who muses about my life, my kids, my tv watching and my slight obsession with celebrities.
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Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close * Jonathan Safran Foer
i bet you look good on the dance floor * arctic monkeys
the skin of my yellow country teeth * clap your hands say yeah
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movie script ending * death cab for cutie
anthems for a 17-year-old girl * broken social scene
all these things that I've done * the killers
one more night (your ex-lover remains dead) * stars
a little less 16 candles a little more touch me * fall out boy
the great salt lake * band of horses
october, first account * be your own pet
mushaboom * feist
letter from an occupant * new pornographers

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