children have this uncanny ability.
they sense when you are going away and they pick that moment, that most inopportune moment, to puke. or fall and break something. whatever it is, it's always before you go away. or while you are away. always.
so, with the husband's impending trip, i just assumed someone was going to get sick. it just seems i was looking in the wrong place. i thought it would be the boy or the girl. little did i know that it was the baby. the baby who is NEVER sick decided to get sick. and REALLY sick.
thank god for Dr. Jack and my mother in law, because without them, i don't think i'd be sitting upright right now. it started saturday night. the wheezing. the heavy breathing. the raspy coughing and the bark. oh, that croupy bark. i hate that.
but on sunday she was all smiles. no rasp. no wheeze. no bark.
i wanted to get her checked out before the husband left.
so, Dr. Jack gave us a puffer. which i used before bed last night.

she was up at 3. and i was so scared.
she was crying hysterically. every time she coughed, she cried. it was obvious that it was hurting her.
her breathing was so labored. i brought her into bed with me. changed her diaper and gave her a bottle a water. she collapsed into me and i could feel her chest moving up and down so quickly and sharply. it was so scary. and then her eyes rolled back in her head and i got flashes of "there's something that's just NOT right."
i went downstairs. starting packing us up to head to the ER.
i went down to tell jhoanne that i was leaving the older 2 sleeping upstairs and she should listen out for them.
then i thought that sitting around in a waiting room for 4 hours was going to be pointless.
so, we undressed and the two of us got into the shower. hoping that the steam would help.
then, we got into the bath. hoping that the warm water would soothe her.
she finally fell asleep at some point this morning. i'm not really sure what time it was. it was sometime before 6:30, because that was when the Emily brigade trickled in. i was so not conscious that when i woke up at 7:30, i realized that she was watching The Stepford Wives. (should i worry?).

when Isabella woke up at 8. she was all smiles. no rasp. no wheeze. no bark.
it's really bizarre.
i came to work today. not sure what else to do. i told jhoanne to call me if she starts to wheeze at all.
i'm worried. i'm scared. i'm tired. i'm alone.
this sucks.
this is the most difficult part of parenting. knowing that this little creature depends on me to know what to do...and sometimes i just have no fucking clue what to do.