today is one of those blah days.
where i'm feeling really down.
where everything seems to be going wrong.
and nothing seems to be going right.

my mother, who so generously was going to fund our nanny until i found a job, decided that she really only wanted to pay for one month. so, we are giving jhoanne her two weeks notice tomorrow. i'm i'm freaking out. i know i should be thankful that i was able to have a nanny for 6 months without a job or maternity pay, but i'm not okay with this. my life, as i've grown accustomed to in the past few years, is about to seriously change. and my children are going to be devastated. they love her.

i can't find a job and am getting seriously very frustrated about it. i guess i naively figured i would just get a job. my scholastic job just fell into my lap. i wasn't even looking for it, and it was just too good to refuse. now i can't get anyone, anywhere to give me any sort of job. I have the right degrees. I have the right experience. but it seems i've got too much of it for some jobs and too little for the rest. so, there's just nothing. and it sucks. it really sucks.

there's so much pressure on me, and i feel like it's been a race against the clock. find a job as quickly as possible so we don't have to get rid of jhoanne. well...i guess that timer's up, and we failed. I failed.

and then there's things i can't say on my blog. things that I can't say because people I know are reading. things with friends, things with family. things that are only adding to my initial frustrations. added annoyances and crap that i don't need right now.

anyway, i'm sure this will pass. it always does. there are always people who are way worse off than i am, and i know this. I know i should feel lucky that these are my only problems. i know i will find a great job. and i know i will find a new nanny. a great one. one that's probably better than the one i have right now.

but today? today i'm having a pity party. in fact, i'm thinking of starting up a pity club. anyone want to join? we've got jackets.