i am well aware that no one really cares all that much about my starbucks adventures every day, but the good news is that my frap was delicious today.

the bad news is that even though i didn't have the bad frap lady today, i had the stingy frap man today. usually, they fill the cup to the top and then scoop out whatever's left in the blender and pop a dome lid on top. Ocassionally, singy frap man makes my frap and because he's way too lazy to scoop out what's left in the container, because that would take an entire extra 5 seconds, he just fills the cup almost to the top and puts a flat lid on top. then, i watch as he rinses out the blender and let's all the leftover frap go to waste. GRRRR.

Let the nesting begin! I swear, i'm completely out of control. there isn't a room in my house that i don't want to clean up and de-clutter. i have big plans for after July 15th, so this babe better stay put a little bit longer. i have already organized the girl's and the boy's clothing into rubbermaid containers separated by sex, size, and season.

Yesterday i let someone fit me for bras. i'm so not the type to do this (since i can usually walk into lasenza and buy a $9.99 bra without even trying it on...) but i was getting so frustrated that every bra i tried on did not fit right. it was either too big in the straps, too small in the cups, or did this really weird, pointy-like thing at the nipple. so, ah, 140 dollars later, i have 3 bras that are absolutely amazing. they are petite fit. who knew they made such a thing??? aha! shorter straps! amazing! perfectly shaped cups that don't dig anywhere! incredible! today is officially the first day that i don't despise these gigantic beastly breasts!

i feel like i'm in the first trimester all over again. last night i fell asleep at 8:45. for the night. i was so wiped out. but then, i was up from 4:00-5:30 am doing nothing but trying to get comfortable. comfort and sleep can no longer be uttered in the same sentence. and if i hear the husband tell me one more time that i'm so hard to sleep next to because i keep moving, he's going to be spending the next 5 weeks on the couch.

There's one lady who works at the starbucks near my office who looks completely our of place. she's got big, badly dyed hair and big, badly siliconed lips. she slightly resembles Jennifer Collidge's character in Legally Blonde.

anyway, she SUCKS at making frappuccinos. do you think they have to take classes on how to make them? she always over-blends them. The one she made me today was too liquidy - and it was frothy on the top. ew. it's not supposed to be frothy. yuck.

is there any way to choose who makes your drink? because, honestly, it's totally not worth drinking if it's not enjoyable.

argh. very frustrated right now.

mom: How are you?
me: Doing okay. Slightly nervous today, though.
mom: Why?
me: i think perhaps this baby might make an early entrance into the world
mom: great! we're ready! we like babies.

i'm sorry, but what the fuck? no...why do you think that? no...are you feeling okay? no...are you having contractions? no...perhaps you should take it easy.

i think there's something seriously wrong with my mother.

The latest and greatest to come out of Milwaukee (yes, i admit it, i did live there...)

~~


Weighing in at 13 pounds, 12 ounces, Delaney Jessica Buzzell isn't your average newborn. Her parents have even dubbed her the "Big Enchilada." The baby headed home Tuesday after being delivered by Caesarean section on June 23 — a surprising three weeks early.

Her family isn't quite sure what to make of her weight. The father is 6-foot-2 and the mother is 5-foot-7, and nurse Judy Nadolski described them as "regular-sized."

The child weighs near double the average newborn. And according to the National Center for Health Statistics, less than 1 percent of babies weigh more than 11 pounds at birth.

~~ The Milwaukee Bucks selected 7-foot center Andrew Bogut from the University of Utah with the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft last night, marking the first time in five years that the top pick played at least one year of college basketball. Bogut was the consensus national player of the year after averaging 20.4 points and 12.2 rebounds as a sophomore. He also was a member of the Australian Olympic team last summer in Greece.



Milwaukee had been debating whether to take Bogut or North Carolina small forward Marvin Williams with the franchise's first overall No. 1 pick since 1994, when the Bucks selected Glenn Robinson. In the end, the lure of a versatile, athletic 7-footer with Olympic experience was too much to pass up.

Let us all pray that Bogut will be a better asset to the Bucks than Glenn Robinson was. What a waste of a no. 1 pick....

it's broken in our building.
and i'm dying of heat.

do i leave early? i think being this pregnant and this hot entitles me to a "get out of work free" card. don't you?

Britney, with her preggo belly hanging out:


Demi, with something hanging out:

(here's a tip. if you don't want people to think you are pregnant, stay away from the loose fitting muumuu-type shirts...

and

Nicole, with absolutely nothing hanging out:

what happened to her breasts???

Last night i had my first set of real ones.
ouch. that's about all i can say.

for about 3 1/3 hours last night, i actually thought i might be making a trip to labor and delivery. Clearly, the husband wasn't too worried, since during that time, he managed to mow the lawn, go jogging, and GO TO SLEEP while i was still having them.

but alas, the painful ones have stopped and now we've gone back to the good ole' braxton hicks. I must say, i prefer these.

We've got them. :)
It's actually worked out fine, especially because we thought they were bringing two kids with them, but they came alone (and they are taking us out to dinner tomorrow night...woohoo!)

Anyway, they are friends of my parents, although closer in age to us. What the husband and i have discovered about the community in Milwaukee - where my mom and this couple live - is that everyone is super super nice, but there's just something slightly "off" with all of them.

for example, Eric, the guy who is staying with us, has told me - not once - but twice - how nice my house smells. he even asked how he could somehow bottle it and take it home with him. um...okay? how does one even answer that?

I also tend to stress when people are staying with me. Last night at 3 am i started panicking, "Did i give them towels? did i remember to give them a blanket (it's cold in the basement...lucky bastards....) do they know where to find glasses if they are thirsty?" I literally freaked out. I woke the husband up to ask him. he thought i was out of my mind, which i clearly was, since it was all good. yes, of course i gave them towels and blankets...

~~ methinks she's taking the bohemian look a little too far. Sienna, did you not learn anything from Britney Spears?? Honey, shoes are not a bad thing.



~~ Who looks this good three weeks postpartum? i mean, seriously, i don't think she's human.



~~Nicole eats! Now we can move on to worry about more important things like those glasses and jewelery...

okay...it's no longer fun to have to pee every single time you stand up.

it's actually quite fascinating how many famous movie quotes most people get wrong.

here are a few interesting ones i've found:

~~The legendary blood-sucking Count Dracula (Hungarian-born actor Bela Lugosi) never said "I want to suck your blood" in the Universal horror classic, Dracula (1931). However, the line was used in a humorous context by Dr. Tom Mason (Ned Bellamy) practicing his Bela Lugosi (Martin Landau) impersonation in director Tim Burton's Ed Wood (1994).

~~Often misquoted is Dr. Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive) - yes, Frankenstein was the name of the mad scientist - and his shout of "It's alive" with the stirring of life within his non-human Monster (Boris Karloff), in Frankenstein (1931). Frankenstein is often quoted as saying instead: "He's alive! Alive!" Mel Brooks' irreverent spoof Young Frankenstein (1974) featured grandson Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) resuming his late grandfather's experiments, and his loud exclamation of: "Alive. It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!"

~~"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?" - was not spoken by Mae West in She Done Him Wrong (1933). Also, "Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me?," is often misquoted as "Why, don't you come up and see me sometime?"

~~"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" - is actually an incorrect quote. In Disney's animated film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937), the wicked Queen asks: "Magic Mirror on the Wall, who is the Fairest one of all?"

~~"Play it again, Sam" - was a line never spoken by Ingrid Bergman or Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca (1942) to Sam (Dooley Wilson), the nightclub pianist and reluctant performer of the sentimental song 'As Time Goes By'

~~Obi Wan Kenobi (Sir Alec Guinness) NEVER said verbatim, "May the force be with you," but he did say at least two other variants: "The Force will be with you...always" and "Remember, the Force will be with you...always" in Star Wars (1977).

~~Contrary to popular belief, Captain Kirk (William Shatner) never uttered the line: “Beam me up, Scotty”. The actual command, "Kirk to Enterprise. Beam us up, Scotty" was voiced by Captain Kirk (voice of William Shatner) in Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek animated TV series from 1973-75. The closest Kirk ever got to saying the exact line was "Scotty, beam me up!" in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986).

oh yeah, and he's completely out of his mind, too.

Check out the now infamous Matt Lauer interview here.

Even Rosie O'Donnell, who was once Tommy's biggest fan, thinks he should shut the f$%^k up! She writes on her blog:

after watching tom on o and then everywhere else in the free world i think i may need to up my meds
shout out to brooke
stand tall girl
u saved a lot of women
by telling ur truth

my tommy needs to breathe
“heart humor and humility
will lighten up your heavy load”
said joni mitchell

Thanks, Rosie!

Happy Blog-i-versary to me!!
I started this blog one year ago today! I can't believe that it's already been a year!

GO SPURS!!!

My little ballet princess:


Emily on stage (she's the one on the left):


the siblings, excitedly watching their sisters (and so happy to be up so late!!):


she was too cute. unfortunately, we didn't get that many pictures, since they didn't allow any flash photography. what poos. it's because they want us to buy the dvd. yeah, have they ever met my husband? there's no way he's buying this 1 minute performance on dvd.

i decided on my biggest pet peeve of the week, however. saving seats. there's almost nothing i like to do less. and i was saving not one or two, but 13! let me tell you how easy it is to keep proud Jewish mothers out of the 3rd and 4th rows when they are coming at you from all directions. I was already tired out before the show even started!!!

you know what that means...no more carpool!

Emily's report card:
Emily has been a wonderful addition to my class. She eagerly skips into class each day and is happy to come to school. She loves to play with her friends and is well liked. Emily enjoys partaking in circle time activities and enjoys singing and dancing. She is eager to help both her teachers and friends. Emily is a very confident little girl and enjoys playing the role of teacher/leader. Emily sometimes needs to be reminded to be gentle with her friends as she can become quite forceful. Emily works very hard on her art work and uses a lot of detail into her projects. She is beginning to cut and doing quite well. She focuses on her work and enjoys experiencing new things. Have a great summer and good luck next year in JK!

I'm so proud of my little oompa loopma.

Okay....let me get this straight...Brittany and Bobby's baby is actually JT's???

What the hell?

When did Brittany and JT sleep together?????? anyone?
I am NOT happy about this.

since we haven't had one in a while:

1) "I thought only pansies wore neckties."
"See that? I thought only assholes used the word "pansy".

2) "What came first, the music or the misery?"

3) "I shall serve no fries before their time."

4) "Son, you may want to tuck that lip in before it gets caught on a trip wire."

5) "Will you hand me a towel, tulip?"
"Ah, I like that. I like tulip. Tulip is much better than mongoloid."

6) "Palm trees, Damn. You know what that means?"
"Yea. Watch out for falling coconuts."

7) "Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!"

8) "I carried a watermelon."

9) "The Statue is a gift from French citizens and has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere..."

10) "So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea."

Okay...here are the rules:

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump everyone up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot. You need to link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross-pollination of your chosen blogs.

1. Angie at HomeGrown
2. MistressMary
3. Tales From My Tiny Kingdom
4. Busy Mom
5. I Write, Therefore I Blog

Next, select 4 new friends to tag: I'm officially tagging Becca, Jenny, Beth, and Gerah. but want everyone to do it! so, go ahead, take it!

Here are the things I miss:

1. I miss the first day of school. I miss buying the new school supplies - going down the aisles and picking pens and pencils and notebooks and agenda books and a brand new backpack. i miss getting a new outfit and laying it out the night before. I miss opening up a brand new notebook and starting to write. I miss starting fresh.

2. I miss seeing my siblings on a regular basis. This has become something we completely took for granted as kids. Nowadays, i have a sister in Nashville, a brother in New York and a brother in Dallas. We are all over the place and it's so damn hard to get together.

3. I miss camp. Camp was the BEST. No worries, an automatic tan, a summer away from your family.

4. I miss eating whatever i wanted - - and enjoying it - - without thinking about gaining weight.

5. I miss the lilacs. we had these gorgeous purple lilacs on the side of our old house on Clovernook in Glendale. to this day, whenever i smell lilacs, i think of the good ole' days.

Five Tips for a Woman's Happy Life

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

lifted from twentysomethingmom.

okay...so, a few of my friends and i read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and then decided we should go and see the movie together, so we went last night.

Here is my major beef with this film. could they not have found better looking male stars than these two:





i'm thoroughly unimpressed. ew.

i did enjoy the movie, however. i laughed, i cried. it was cute, for what it was. can we say teeny-bopper, anyone??? a fact that was made all too clear to us when a girl, sitting in the movie theater, answered her cell and proceeded to have an entire conversation in the middle of the movie! i wanted to kick her ass.

Well, July 15th is my official last day at work. Woohoo! I'm really looking forward to accomplishing so many things before this baby is born.

I gained 1.5 pounds in 2 weeks, which, surprisingly, i'm not all that upset about. I'm pretty much on target to gain the exact same 24 that i gained with the other two. well, maybe a few less this time.

The baby, aka the acrobat, has become less agile and active, most likely due to less room in my stomach. I'm certainly not complaining. it's nice to get some moments of inactivity during the day.

Eating is still an issue for me, in that, i don't want to eat anything. sweet things? blech. Sushi? almost made me puke. Mexican? i've totally OD'ed on the Mexican. There are only two things that i'm at all interested in. My frappaccinos and cookie dough. not cookie dough ice cream. actual cookie dough. as in, if someone handed me a tube of ready made cookie dough, i could eat my way through it. salmonella city sweetheart....real healthy for the baby. and for me.

i still have my belly button, but it's all awkward and weird-shaped on the inside.

i'm sick of all my maternity clothing. i can't wait until i no longer have to wear elastic to be comfortable.

oh, and i'm outgrowing my bras - again. i swear, these puppies are out of control.

i think that's all there is to report. nothing exciting, i'm afraid.

Well, that's it. I've said farewell to my girl. "You're my boy, Blue!" she says all choked up :).

I guess I've gotten over the fact that i'm now officially a mini-van mom, although i'd like to consider myself a hot soccer mom (or at least i will be, when i lose the baby weight...).

There are actually some nice things about driving a new car. Not only does it have a DVD player, which is all well and good, but the car has a CD player (which my jeep did not...i became an expert at taping my cd's so i could listen to them in the jeep...what a pain in the arse).

I've also discovered something else on my new van. something wonderful.
I got into the van to go make my usual starbucks run and i was looking at the clock and it says, "Howie." what the hell, i thought? what could this mean? then it goes on to say, "Day". hmm? what is this? then it says, "Collide." and i just about died. Yes, Virginia, that IS the coolest thing ever! my radio is telling me what song is playing!!! ah!! amazing!

oh...and things actually work on this vehicle. i can't tell you how nice it is to drive a car that has a rearview mirror! and it doesn't stall on me! Imagine that!

this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

(Think: Anthony Michael Hall with his pencil up his nose in The Breakfast Club)

1. Which superhero are you? Acrording to this, I'm Spiderman.
2. Which actor or actress are you? Reese Witherspoon.
3. What book are you? Hot Mama: How to Have a Babe and Be a Babe.
4. What sport are you? tennis
5. Which fictional character (movies or literature) are you? Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables
6. What animal are you? monkey
7. What food are you? macaroni and cheese - a classic...always a fan favorite
8. What city are you? Atlanta - cosmopolitan, but with a laid-back attitude. warm and fuzzy.
9. What movie are you? Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
10. Which book of the Bible are you? Proverbs
11. Which day of the week are you? Wednesday (hump day...of course...)
12. Which cartoon character are you? Smurfette
13. What toy or game are you? monopoly
14. Which Beatle are you? John
15. Which Monkee are you? It seems I'm Peter Tork.
16. What article of clothing are you? easy. black turtleneck. always looks good.
17. Which member of Ocean's 11 are you? Linus Caldwell - the rookie
18. What time of day are you? 3:00pm
19. What candy are you? twizzlers. mmm....twizzlers...
20. Which Crayola crayon color are you? wild blue yonder

lifted from Jon.

woohoo! i got a 144!!

granted, this one is more rhetorical...it's just that these two daddies-to-be are beginning to morph into the same person. Think about it. They are both greasy and unwashed, wear Hanes tee shirts, ball caps, and they smoke like pre-eruptive volcanos. They both enjoy the occasional stripper and get pleasure from activities offered in Las Vegas.

something to ponder today...

feelin' shitty today.
maybe it's because there's nothing i want to eat.
maybe it's because i had to say goodbye to my jeep today.
maybe it's because i'm ready for this pregnancy to be over.
maybe it's because i'm so sick of my job.
maybe it's because i spent all last night feeling like puke.
maybe it's because stories like this make me want to puke.

whatever the reason...it's just going to be one of those. great.

i think this is just how he looks...

I hope everyone out there had a nice father's day weekend. not like poor Tom Cruise, who got himself splashed in the face. check out the video here. you won't be sorry.
We actually had a very nice weekend, which included a family BBQ at our house, that i thoroughly enjoyed until my mother in law had to dig into me and say,

"Wow. You are actually looking pregnant this time around!"
how to answer. how to answer. how to answer?
"Yes, i realize i'm fat. you don't need to rub it in." think that would do??
so, i said,
"Yes, this is a very different pregnancy. but i'm still carrying quite small for only having 6 weeks left."
to which she gave the following retort:
"Yes, but you have to remember that it's the last 6 weeks well you put on the most weight. you've still got a long way to go."

gee. thanks. she certainly always knows how to bring a girl's ego down to the pavement. at least it wasn't as bad as when she said to me, 6 weeks after the boy was born, "Well, it's time to start losing that baby weight!"

Have you ever wondered who invented the weekend? Well, wonder no more!

anyone remember that family on the Discovery channel? the one in Arkansas that had 14 kids? Well, they are now on number 16. wow. that's just about all i can say. wow.

~~ Okay, am i the ONLY one who doesn't think that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthrew Broderick's son is cute???



~~ TomKat are engaged!

"Yes, I proposed to her... it was early this morning at the Eiffel Tower, so I haven’t slept at all," said the 42-year-old star of Top Gun and the Mission Impossible series.



they are like two peas in a pod....pod people, if you will :)

~~ Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth are back together. i'm about as surprised as i was when i heard that Jake and Kirsten were an item once again...



~~ Yes, folks, this is Ashton Kutcher.



yee haw!

~~ Bam Margera DID NOT bam Jessica Simpson.

~~ Guess who these ankles belong to? (it's the same person...)

There are many things the husband and i disagree on. many things. trust me.
but, there's one major thing we both agree on - - - we are terrified of sharks. so, naturally, we are NOT a scuba diving kind of couple...we are barely a snorkling kind of couple (we went once, on our honeymoon, and most likely will NEVER go again).

I'm not a fan of the ocean, and prefer to spend my time at the pool, not the beach. it's cleaner, and quite frankly, it's much safer. there are NEVER sharks in the pool.

so, call us crazy for deciding to watch the movie Open Water last night at 11:30. A short summary, for those who haven't heard of this movie. A couple goes out to scuba dive, and due to a faulty head count, gets stranded out in open water. they deal with exhaustion, dehydration, sea sickness, jellyfish stings, and SHARKS. ah!



Apparently, the movie is loosely based on true events. In 1998 an American couple on vacation stopped off at the Great Barrier Reef in Australia to dive. They were roughly the same age as the couple in the film, both experienced divers and
the mix-up happened in a similar way to that depicted in the film. They were
never found. Bits of their equipment were recovered and looked like they had
suffered from a shark attack. The Coroner's inquest recorded death either by
drowning or by shark attack, and the skipper of the dive boat was tried for
manslaughter (although he was aquitted).

The beauty if this film is that it leaves you feeling the "What ifs" throughout the entire hour and a half. What if you were a tourist, out for a nice day of scuba diving? And what if your chartered boat inadvertently left you behind, miles from civilization, alone in shark-infested waters? What to do now? Try and swim? Wait there for the boat? What if you saw a shark? worse yet, what if you DIDN'T see a shark? What if you never got found?

It's the Blair Witch Project of the ocean. and it chilled me to the core. and you bet your ass i won't be snorkling again. ever.

I NEED this shirt!

and, no, it's not a Free Katie t-shirt ;)

but Britney and I are twins...the big ole boobs...the big ole belly...the big ole frappuccino...





Oh, well, except for the fact that her purse doesn't match her outfit, and she's got her fly undone...

There's this person i know who works on my floor.
i don't know her very well, she's friendly with my friend Adrienne.

She's super sweet and every time i see her she always says hi and smiles.
but here's the problem. she always says,
"Hi Anne!"

Now, there's no possible way i could have corrected her the first time, especially because i wasn't exactly sure that was what she had said. and now, i definitely can't correct her, because she'll feel so dumb.

so, i guess i'll just have to keep letting her call me Anne. The funny thing is that she's not that far off. Anne IS my middle name, after all. ha!

~~ Is it just me, or has Carson Daly lost too much weight?? And he is totally beginning to resemble Dick Clark!!



~~ Okay...What on earth happened to Jack Osbourne? the guy is looking...well...dare i say...kinda good!!!



~~ Guess the celeb from her 5th grade photo (and no...it's not me...even though my 5th grade school pic is almost identical to this picture...braces and perm included...):



~~ ah! the best news of the day! Jared Leto is on the market! Woohoo! He's officially been replaced by Josh Hartnett.

that this could be true????

i'm now the proud owner of this:



it's silver, though.

heaven help me. i'm about to become a minivan mom. i'm so NOT a minivan driver.
but, the husband was very crafty. forcing me to drive a hazardous vehicle for the last few months was enough to make me happy to be driving anything other than my jeep.

so, the plan is to say goodbye to the jeep on Friday. it's a very, very sad day for me. i will most likely cry when i have to say goodbye. she's been with me since i was 16. that's a long time.

I've officially entered it.

I'm almost 100% sure that i'm losing my belly button. it's not popping out or anything (which i know is a normal thing, but it still gives me the willies a little bit), it's just started to look slightly deformed and flat. ew.

i can no longer sleep. every position is more uncomfortable than the next.

and this urge to pee. it's come out of nowhere. but i'm feeling it. about 100 times a day.

and this thoat burn. i can't bring myself to refer to it as heartburn, since that's a serious misnomer if you ask me. the pain exists nowhere near your heart...but my throat is on fire. ouch. and all the tums in the world are not helping.

and this baby. i think it's got corners and sharp edges. it's like an alien poking and prodding me. and sometimes it hurts. and sometimes just seeing body parts popping out of my belly is just plain frightening.

i'm famished all the time, but there's nothing (other than chips and salsa) that remotely interests me and after i eat anything, i can't breathe and need to lie down.

still, i take some pleasure in the things that i can still do that most other 32-week pregnant women can not:

I can still tie my shoes.
I can still see my toes when i look down.
I can still shave my legs in the shower.
I can still wear high heels.
I can still wear my rings.
I can still wear thongs and vstrings.
I can still wear one pair of my prepregnancy jeans (mind you, they aren't buttoned and i have to wear my bella band...but it's a feat, nonetheless).
I can still not see one stretch mark (which is a result of good genetics more than anything, but i'll take it)
I can still enjoy the hot weather outside.
I can still take the stairs at work without getting too winded (the other preggos are all taking the elevator).

I KNEW it was too good to be true.
I figured that since i am both very pregnant and still excited that i won this book, i was going to re-read Rebecca Eckler's book, Knocked Up, over the weekend. So, here i'm reading and after page 186, the following page is 155 and then continues to repeat the pages until 186, and then the next page is 219.

33 pages missing. hmph.

Villard books will certainly be hearing from me...

40 Things You Wish You Could Say at Work:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're
saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing &still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different

Ashton Kutcher or Hayden Christensen?

~~ this photo makes me laugh.


~~ this one makes me cry a little bit


~~ this one makes me super envious. who the heck looks that good just after giving birth??


~~ and this one makes me so confused. what exactly is Constantine doing in this picture? and could he be any more pasty-white and unattractive?? put your shirt back on, Connie. I'd like to keep my cocoa puffs down today.

argh...i'm already angry this morning because i created this entire post, and wouldn't you know it, it's floating somewhere in the blogger atmosphere with all the other lost posts. grrr...

well, here it is. me at 32 weeks:


the big ole' belly. it's actually depressing me today. it's unbelievable how rhinocerous-like i'm feeling these days. i can't breathe, i'm definitely peeing more, and i just feel HUGE!!

now, to give you a little perspective, here is a refresher for you:

30 weeks:


26 weeks:


23 weeks:


20 weeks:


and while i wait...and wait...and wait..for my dad to send me my 4d ultrasound pics, i attempted to photograph my television set while i had my video on pause. it didn't work quite as well as i'd hoped. the babe looks slightly mangled and weird - i promise, it's a whole lot cuter than this photo.

poor woman. poor, poor woman.
how embarrassing.

what it takes to be on
SURVIVOR????

here's an application ;)

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England nor french fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,

a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?

Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down.

You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

my sister in law and i have birthdays that are 5 days apart. so, my inlaws bought Sharon and her hubby and me and the husband tickets to see Ain't Misbehavin last night.

The whole evening began disastrous. sharon, david and the husband all work downtown so they were already there. i was meeting them downtown (taking the subway...by myself!) so, my inlaws asked if i wanted to come over with the kids for dinner and then they'd drive me to the subway. for some reason, i thought this was a good idea.

not such a good idea. my inlaws wanted to eat outside in the 95 degree heat...so by the time i fed the kids (who were nutty) dinner, took Joshie to the bathroom 3 times, got on the subway, rode the subway, and met them at the theater, i was a sweaty, gross mess. ew. so, i felt like crap going in to this thing.

and then...the play was AWFUL. there was no story. no plot. it was all singing. and all bad. there was no one good looking in the audience to even look at. no setting - just a piano. no nice costumes.

we barely made it to intermission, and then left to go to the Bier Markt, which is a very cool place...when you aren't 7 months pregnant. i will most definitely have to go back when i can try all these really funky beers. Sharon got a strawberry beer! insanity!

so, needless to say, we did not tell my inlaws that we left early. and when we went to their house to pick up the jeep, my father in law ranted and raved about how amazing he thought it was. hmph.

i appreciate their thoughts, but next year i think i'll put in a birthday request...and i think we'll be sending my father in law to see the Vagina Monologues for his birthday. payback time!

it's 150 calories of pure delight.
and i get it all the time.

often enough to know that it costs $3.65 and with tax is $3.91

but clearly the lady at Starbucks isn't selling them enough, because we had a full argument about the price - because she charged me $4-something. and i was like, "No, sorry lady. you are wrong."

and i'm so proud of myself for getting my 60 cents back.
take that, Starbucks employee!

smells like fish...

So, last night i went to see Rebecca Eckler speak to a bunch of Jewish women about finding balance in our lives. I'll admit it, when i heard about the opportunity, i was thrilled. My friend Aimee asked me if i wanted to go because Mia had to go to class (thanks, Mia!) and i practically jumped at the chance.

I love Rebecca Eckler....mostly because she's me, to a t (well, minus the unwed motherhood part). Skinny, Jewish writer. 3 parts snark, 1 part actual talent. and she has my dream job. she writes "Me journalism" for a Nationally syndicated newspaper. and she gets to work at home, in her pajamas.

So, Aimee and i stressed about how we were going to look, how we were going to dress. After all, we wanted Rebecca to be our friends. When we walked in, we noticed her. actually, it wasn't right away, because her hair looked GOOD. Usually, she's got an Alannis Morrissette stringy unkempt hair thing going on, but her hair looked nice - it was straightened (probably professionally) and it was shiny. and she was so skinny. and she had a tattoo!

When she got up to speak, i was expecting her to blow me away with her wit and sarcasm. Instead, she rambled on about nothing. she fidgeted. she stuttered. she began stories and didn't finish them. she started telling stories in the middle. she was a mess. i felt bad for the poor woman. i just wanted to put her out of her misery.

imagine that. feeling embarrassed for someone i idolize.

she told us how chose journalism (her drama teacher told her to), how she got into her program (pure luck) and how she landed her job at The National Post (pure luck, again).

she told us about celebrities she interviewed. Ones she liked (Kate Hudson) and ones she didn't like (Denzel Washington spit his gum out at her feet and JLo made her wait for 2 hours). she told us about times she'd gotten in trouble with publicists (for saying a rock band went to a strip club)

we got to hear about the fiance. the engagement party, which became the conception party. telling her family members that she was pregnant. the friend and the almost affair. and of course, about having baby Rowan.

she told us about things she does and says that are controversial - she likes the anorexic look and she thinks Nicole Ritchie looks good (what??) and she opted for a scheduled c-section.

but the real fun began when she took questions from the audience. one woman wouldn't stop asking questions....what does your mother in law think of that? what did the fiance say? are you going to have more children? are you going to wait until you get married? are you ever going to get married? it just didn't stop. the woman was out of control.

and Aimee and i, of course, were out of control with laughter.

and then another woman says "You don't know this, but we did some digging and we found someone from your past. YOUR OLD BABYSITTER!" the sitter was glowing. and Rebecca seemed uncomfortable and didn't give a crap that the old sitter was there. "Rebecca! You've changed so much." um, yes, it's been how many years????

when it was all over, i wanted to talk to Rebecca. so, in a point that i have to consider one of my lowest, i stood in line behind all the Jewish yentas to get a piece of her. all the woman wanted to do was eat her fruit, but instead was bombarded with women all wanting to do the same thing i did - - -talk to Rebecca, even though they had not a thing to say.

finally, i got my turn. and she told me i looked good!! and i asked how to get her job. and she was about to tell me too, until this rude Rebecca-hogger had to start talking about Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise. What the hell?

but the biggest kicker of the night came when Alina, Aimee's sister, asked to see a photo of baby Rowan. So, Rebecca pulls out this red bag that resembled Mary Poppins' carpet bag and went fishing though all her things. she pulled out a crumpled picture, that was folded in half, and had a tiny image of Rowan in the corner.

My perception of Rebecca Eckler has changed slightly. I think she's a little bit ditsy and dim-witted. and i do think she should stick to her pen and paper. but, i still am envious of her job, and i will still continue to read her writing.

ah, and i won an autographed copy of "Knocked Up." I have NEVER won anything in my entire life. so, all in all, the perfect evening :)

about being pregnant that makes normally well-dressed people believe that they don't have to look good anymore???

case in point. my co-worker. she dresses very nice when she's not pregnant. she's got a great body and she knows it. so, what about being pregnant makes her think that the shirts with the ties in the back, and the flourescent colors, and the bows underneath the boobs are a good fashion statement? oy. and today she was wearing denim capris (which are quite cute, btw) as jeans, so they were pulled all the way down so you could see about 3 inches of the elastic waist band hanging out the bottom of her shirt. not good, i tell you. not good.

and as i sat in my Ob's office, waiting to be seen (appointment was all good - gaines 1/2 a pound in a month, heartbeat is strong, baby is engaged in it's full upright and locked position...well, i guess it's downright and locked position...) i looked around at the 3 other women who were also waiting to be seen.

the first person to my left was wearing chiffon palazzo pants. now i don't dooubt that these kind of pants are incredibly comfortable. but it's still no excuse. and the leapard print shirt was doing her no justice either.

the second person was wearing the maternity clip in the back. ya'll know what i'm talking about. it's that clip (that looks like what you clip your children's mittens to their sleeves with) that holds the back of the tent-dress together to give your body some semblance of shape. yeah, no, it doesn't work.

and the third woman. she was the one with the most potential. she was pretty and had a nice little pregnant body - one i wished i had. but, she was wearing leggings. with stirrups. okay...stirrups are for horseback riding and for nowhere else.

sheesh.

it's fitting that with Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper to the layperson) showing up in Stuff magazine, that we take a stroll down the memory lane of Kevin Arnold's potential women...

Lisa Berlini


Margaret Farquhar


Becky Slater


Teri


Gina Pruitt


Linda Sloan


Susan Fisher


Mimi Detweiller


Madeline Adams


Debbie Pfeiffer


Cara


Denise the Grease


Sandy Tyler


Cindy


Jessica Thomas


Inga Finnstrom


Julie Aidem


Cindy Fleming



No offense, Kevboy...but Winnie?

she was sooo uncute. those bangs? yikes!