Anyone else find it mildly disturbing that Steven Tyler looks more like Grammy than Gramps? Is that a purse he's carrying? and the fur-lined jacket? And is he wearing make-up?

~~ um...on the yum scale of 1-10, this is oh, about 26 territory...

"I've had pole-dancing lessons. It's all the craze in London. It's a great
form of exercise and really good for the upper thighs."
--Reputed strippercize enthusiast Jude Law in Globe

~~ oh, so that's what you are supposed to do with all that extra space. rent it out. You actually CAN get everything on ebay.

~~ Everyone remember Leroy Wells from American Idol last week? "Can you dig it"? You can check out his audition here. The poor guy had to watch his television debut from jail. He was arrested earlier this month for reportedly shooting a hand gun into an occupied vehicle.

~~ It seems that Katie Couric tried to pull a James Bond by sneaking a lipstick camera into Donald Trump's wedding. Unfortunately for Ms. Couric, she's not the best secret agent and got busted by the bride herself.

~~ finally, someone agrees with me, even if it is Simon Cowell.
"Not sexy, she hasn't got a great body, and she's not a great singer." - these were his comments when asked about Beyonce. I wonder if he shares my opinins on Angelina Jolie too...

Yesterday i went for frozen yogurt with Sharon and her two kids, Maya and Kyra. Joshie was saying something that i could NOT figure out for the life of me. Maya turns to me and says, "Wait, let me ask Kyra. She also speaks Baby."

Sharon and i were dying. it was the funniest thing i'd heard all weekend.

so, this weekend was the big Vegas trip. Far be it for me to come between my man and his 30th birthday Vegas trip. at the time, i didn't even think twice about it. of course, honey. go. go get hammered. and bet all our money. and stay up all night. and sleep until noon.

the truth is, as far as wives go, i'm pretty easy on my husband. i let him play all the hockey he wants. hell, if he wanted to play 4 times a week, i would let him. and i really didn't - and still don't - have a problem with him going to Vegas. honest.

it's just that me and luck have this oil and water kind of relationship. i do not mix well with luck. i am NEVER lucky. that's all there is to it.

so, naturally, the weekend that my husband leaves me from friday morning until tuesday night, my daughter decides to come down with some sort of mysterious illness, and my son decides that the terrible twos are long overdue and he's going to go full fledged into them now (and these involve crying, yelling, defiance, turning into a wet noodle every time i try to put his coat on...etc).

so, Emily tells me in the middle of the night on Friday night (and since there was no sleeping happening on friday night...at all...i can't exactly pintpoint whether it was 1:00 am or 4:00 am) that she thinks she has the chicken pox again. what? so, as she's scratching her back, i remove her shirt and discover she's covered head to toe in a rash. terrific. i pull out all the toddler books, anything i can find. most say that if that rash is not accompanied by fever..no reason to be concerned. okay, so, emms has no fever, therefore ali has no cause for concern.

she was fine all day today. was actually quite well behaved...it was her brother who was the troublemaker. and then at about 6:00, i noticed she was looking quite flushed, and just wasn't herself. i was at Sharon's house and she took her temp and it was 100.7. terrific. now it's time for the concern. rash + fever = concern. yippie-eye-oh!

she fell asleep on the 4 minute car ride home and didn't wake up when i took her jacket off and put her in bed.

i'm praying and hoping for the best tonight, but knowing me and luck, i'm expecting the worst...

OC

favorite line of the night...when Seth calls Caleb, Lex Luther. Can we say dead on?

I'm loving the Summer and Seth chemistry. it makes up for the complete and utter LACK of chemistry between Marissa and Alex. Can we say super boring?

Sandy and Kirsten little love triangle? this is only going to get bad. Can we say Kirsten the drunk?

Lindsay..i a9.com'ed him yesterday? wouldn't a normal person have said googled? Can we say product placement?

Apprentice

personally, i completely disagree with Mr. Trump's being impressed that Verna came back. What the hell? she only came back because Carolyn told her to. i was not impressed. she should have been fired. other people didn't sleep or eat either...

okay...bangs girl...Erin, is it? holy hell...she annoys the hell out of me. Maybe it's because she looks like the little girl from the Ring.

Audrey and Angie are my two new faves (even though Angie's hair is slightly on the freaky-deaky side) but they stood up to crazy Kristen (aka Cruella DeVille) and told her to shut the F up. ha!

okay, Brian's just as ass. plain and simple. who tells Donald Trump that he should fire him?

i love Carolyn. "it's a little crunchy" and her eye-roll at the potpourri. priceless.

This week i'll be mixing it up a little bit...

At this moment, what is your favorite:

1) song? movie? tv show?

song: um...crap, this is hard. New Slang by the Shins. love love love that song. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band.
movie: Almost Famous.
tv show: amazing race.

2) meal? snack? dessert? drink?

meal: sushi
snack: popcorn
dessert: chocoloate chip cookie bars, frozen yogurt
drink: at the moment i can't stomach to drink anything...so i'll go with water. alcoholic drink...vanilla vodka and diet coke.

3) scent?

all abercrombie and fitch perfumes and colognes...yum. freshly baked cookies, vanilla, plumeria.

4) quote?

"A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials."
Ronald Knox.

there are too many that i like, but this was the first one i could think of.

Well, step right up...

yes, that's my daughter. she DOES have a sore throat, granted, but she was up complaining from 10:15 last night (naturally, she wakes up 10 minutes before my hubby has to leave for hockey) until about 6 this morning, when we finally got her to take some medicine.

i don't understand. my son will take medicine like it's candy..."mmmm...liquid sugar....give me more..." he loves it. not that i'm in the habit of drugging my child, but i know if he's sick, he'll take it. But, my stubborn daughter on the other hand, refuses to take medicine - of any kind.

we finally got her to take some...and afterwards..."hey, it's not so bad...it actually tastes GOOD." um, yes, Emily, that's what we've been trying to tell you for 2 years now... and miraculously...she's 100% better. fancy that!

anyway, let me tell you how nice it is when your nanny tells you that you "look pale." great. just the look i was going for. I'm thrilled that my husband is leaving me to go to vegas today. just thrilled. i am expecting mucho present-o when he gets back. (bath and body works is ALWAYS good...balance bars...surprises are good too...)

"Fame is a disappointment. It's all a bunch of smoke and mirrors. It's not that big a deal. I don't want it to ruin my life."
--Former American Idol runner-up Justin Guarini in Globe.

Justin, honey, you're in the clear. You have to actually BE famous to let it ruin your life...

so, last night we went out with Mashie and Ezra. It's quite nice actually. last year, we bought a theater subscription together. So, every couple of months, we went to see a play together. Sure, there were the duds (Copenhagen (sorry M&G - i know you liked this one..) and The Story of the Black Girl in Search of God (where she eats the ground...)) but there were some good ones too (Chicago and Hairspray).

Last night we decided to try this new restaurant, Gladstone's, first. The place was beautiful, well out of our league, but we thought, for once, we'd treat ourselves.

I had the squash soup, which was excellant, and the gnocchi, which was NOT so excellant. Sure, it tasted fine, but i had asked for the gnocchi with linguini noodles instead of gnocchi because i thought it would be way too filling. Anyway, ordering with me is like ordering with Meg Ryan from When Harry Met SAlly. i'm changing everything. when the waiter said "No" i was shocked and figured it wasn't a good idea to ask for them to leave off the black olives either. so, i had it. it tasted okay, but was so heavy on the garlic, that i'm still tasting it this morning. feh.

so, we made it to the play, having to make a detour to a variety store to buy some pre-play candy (we needed the twizzlers...yes...we NEEDED them...). ah, and we made the best find. Sour Twizzlers! yum! my friend Orah was just telling me about them and i was like, "yesh, we'll never get them in Canada." but we found them!! good times.

because we were late, the usher forced us to take a time out before going into the actual theater. once she led us in, we were face to face with - get this - male genitalia! ah!

The play - Take Me Out - is about a baseball team with a member who decides to come out and tell everyone that he's gay. It was actually quite good - albeit slightly ditracting, what with the whole shower scene (there were two!) where the team takes an actual shower on stage. real water, real soap, real body parts being cleaned.

Ezra had a really hard time dealing with it, and tried to look only at their faces. Mashie and i, on the other hand, got a really big kick out of it! not that this was in any way a sexual thing (because, come on, male genitalia certainly is NOT a sexy body part...), but we found it quite interesting and entertaining!

A two-headed lamb has been born in China.

Farmer Han Dianrong, 74, of Yantai city, Shangdong province, said he had never seen anything like it.

The lamb, one of four born to the same ewe, has four eyes and two mouths. Mr. Dianrong says both heads bleat together when the lamb sees people approaching.

The weight of two heads is too much for the lamb's neck so it has to be fed by bottle

please...after Jonathan and Victoria losing last week for not reading their entire clue (we need two donkeys, two donkeys...) you would think that people would be careful to not let that happen...AGAIN. but, alas, we didn't say Lori and Bolo were the brightest. I admit, i will miss Bolo and his extensive mangling of place names...this week may have been my favorite...sar-eeka-laka (Sri Lanka). adidas ababa was good too. Lori scares me. but she's so eloquent - "this is tough when you have to pee."

loving Kris and Jon - and took great pleasure when they passed Aaron and Hayden...TWICE! i was happy that they took first place last night, winning themselves a trip to "romantic europe". Hayden, oh Hayden. "When you have a fear, the only way to face your fear is to....do it". Hayden, here's a tip: Think, then speak.

I actually felt a little badly for Kendra. Ethiopia was coming back to haunt her by giving her a bad case of the pukes. can we say Karma? poor girl. and then she had to run. and Freddy? the Harey Carey glasses paired with the blanket of some sort that he was wearing (he must be taking lessons from Mary Kate Olsen...)..i have two words. oy. vey. but it did make me smile when he called Adam a "nancy boy" (granted it was in poor taste, but it got me smirking) and when he said "You are the master of pachyderms" - yes, despite the poncho/blanket...there's still much freddy love.

her latest?
Poet Laureate.



Page Six dug up several love letters written by Paris to her then-love, Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter.

"Paris, AKA Le Bean," wishes Carter a happy birthday and states: "I don't want you to ever worry because I would never [bleep] this up for anything in the world. It's been really hard for me these past couple of months and I'm so happy I found you. You are the [bleep] and I love you to death."

she sure has a knack for [bleep] writing.

Another missive was accompanied by photos the heiress had cut out of a magazine showing herself looking glum with the headline: "Paris feels real pain." "Dear Nick, This is how I look and feel when I'm away from you," she wrote.

How romantic. how did this relationship NOT work out?

I used to love my nintendo...this was before the days of gameboys, and playstations, and xboxes. ah, the good old days. of mushrooms and turtles. of 100 coins and breaking bricks. of terrible graphics. of two brothers - Mario and Luigi.

and they ruled my gaming universe. i loved those two little Italians.

Come on, admit it. you loved them too. you loved when you discovered a new "cheat" and you loved when you were able to jump OVER the flagpole at the end of a level.

does anyone still have one of the original Nintendo NES systems? i sure would love to get my hands on one. maybe i'll ask for one next chrismukah.

...that i stopped watching 7th heaven about 7 seasons ago.

last night i was channel surfing and happened to come upon the show. Lucy was in labor so i thought, why not, and watched for a few minutes. What a mistake.

HORRIBLE.

Okay, so Lucy, cliche of all cliches, gets stuck in an elevator to deliver her baby, and her husband and brother fight over who gets to deliver it. brother? ew. and then Lucy delivers her baby. in about 30 seconds. then she proceeds to put all her clothing back on...including...what are those? tights? she put back on a skirt? and her boots?

Yeah...that's exactly what having a baby is really like. no fuss. no muss. and the baby comes out clean and shiny and 6 months old.

someone put me out of my misery.

Well, the Oscar nominees are out. You can see the complete list here.

Who's been snubbed:
~Paul Giamatti.
~Liam Neeson and Kinsey
~Passion of the Christ (not completely overlooked - still snagged noms in cinematography, makeup and original score)
~Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 was shut out across the board

Who hasn't:
~Jamie Foxx, who's been nominated in both best actor (Ray) and best supporting actor (Collateral)
~the Aviator, getting 11 nominations
~Hilary Swank and Annette Bening, who get a best actress rematch.
~Morgan Sperlock, getting a nom for his documentary, Super Size Me.

apparently, you aren't the only one!

January 24th is considered to be the most depressing day of the year.

i'm still laughing. oh, John, you are soo hot. but, so very dumb.

where were Mike and Edie?

There's way too much creepiness on Wisteria Lane....Paul, Zack, George...everyone's just a little too creepy for my tastes these days. heeby-jeebies up the wazoo. and i don't get it...did zack kill Dana? if he did, why did paul tell him that he didn't? and if he didn't, why did Paul tell Susan that he did?

oh...i love Ryan O'Neal!

was gabrielle eating out of the peanut butter jar supposed to be a hint to us that she's pregnant?

Susan's gone a little nutty. why is she shocked that her daughter is kissing a boy (albeit an escaped mental patient...) she discusses her love life with Julie all the time.

And Kansas? Dust in the Wind? come on...what 14 year old would even know who kansas is? it's a tie for lame-ass oldie with last week's OC when Ryan and Lindsay were getting hot and heavy to Open Arms....

good episode!!!

"Mr. Carson passed away peacefully early Sunday morning," his nephew, Jeff Sotzing, said. "He was surrounded by his family, whose loss will be immeasurable."

He did not provide further details, but NBC said Carson died of emphysema at his Malibu home.

read the full story here.


"I am one of the lucky people in the world. I found something that I always wanted to do and I have enjoyed every single minute of it." - Johnny Carson

sometimes i take pleasure in the simplest of things.

this morning was really tough. Mondays usually are. emily was uncooperative. i couldn't find her snowpants. i couldn't find my keys. i couldn't find the booster. i mean, seriously, how on earth does one lose a booster seat? it's bigger than my son!

well, i found all three, and we managed to make it to school on time. and it's only -10 this morning (as opposed to yesterday's scorching -25). but, needless to say, i was slightly stressed this morning. i can't handle it when it gets too chaotic. and this morning was all about the chaos.

but, on the my drive to work, i was stopped at a stoplight and looked at the car to my left. a dad was driving and a little girl was sitting in the backseat. she was probably about 5. she flashed me a gigantic smile, and then started waving at me. i don't know what it was, but for some reason, i began to smile. i waved back. it seriously was just the simplest of gestures, and on some mornings i probably wouldn't have even noticed her waving and smiling, but this morning it got to me. i'm still smiling.

Okay, feeding my daughter has always been a pleasure.
I mean, yes, we have to occasional whine that she wants to eat in the family room...which i think is because my nanny lets her eat in the family room when i am not around. but, for the most part, she's willing to try things, and if she doesn't like them, she puts them on the side of her plate. a pleasure.

my son, on the other hand, eats the following things: hot dogs, pasta (plain...with NOTHING on it) or out of the macaroni and cheese box, the occasional chicken leg, grilled cheese, cream cheese or peanut butter on crackers, cheerios, and junk food (this catergory includes sugar-cereals, which he only gets on saturdays, cookies, candy etc.).

everything else gets the same reaction. "yuck. ich. it stinks like." accompanied by a scrunched up sour-looking face. no joke.

i cannot get this child to eat dinner. he'd rather drink his meals. he's obsessed with milk, and would have 10 cups of milk a day, if i'd let him.

i guess the other problem is that my nanny is NOT adventurous with his meals. she gives him macaroni and cheese or grilled cheese. every day. for lunch. i also have no clue what she's giving him snack and drink-wise while i'm at work. is it rude to ask her to keep a list of what he's eating?

will this get easier, or am i destined to have a picky eater for the rest of my life? Please, dear god, don't give me one like my little brother (who spent his high school years living on defrosted frozen food - waffles, pancakes and pizza bagels)

John Goodman dead at 53
Jan 20, 11:57 AM (ET)

TV star John Goodman dead at 53.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) - Actor John Goodman, star of such hits as Monsters Inc and Beyond the Sea, found dead today in his home. Cause of death is not known.

Recently seen in the Kevin Spacey epik Beyond the Sea, Goodman was deemed in fine health by his doctor just three days ago. Cause of death is not yet known, but it is suspected natural causes.

Goodman was most notably known as the blue-collar patriarch Dan Conner on the hit TV show Roseanne. Goodman also lent his vocal talents to such films as The Emperor's New Groove and Mosnters Inc, as well as being a semi-regular guest on Saturday Night Live.

With a talent as large as his girth, Goodman proved himself both a distinguished character actor and an engaging leading man. A native of St. Louis, MO, Goodman went to Southwestern Missouri University on a football scholarship. An injury compelled his to seek out a less strenuous major, however. He chose the university's drama department and graduated as a drama major.

He is survived by his wife Annabeth and his daughter Molly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow! Fake news sure travels fast! This, obviously, is not a true story. but, boy did it fly around the internet yesterday!

first of all, it's riddled with mistakes. granted the AP usually has mistakes and typos...but epik? i mean, seriously!

Also, if you look at the actual URL, the story doesn't live on the MyWay.com servers. it was just a prank. but, it certainly was clever!

Rob and Amber - of Survivor fame - have a officially been announced as a team on Amazing Race 7! Executive producer and series creator Bertram van Munster says "They're a very strong team, very competitive," and says "You see them as a team rather than as singles competing."

Q1: Last week's published pictures of England's Prince Harry wearing a Nazi uniform at a costume party caused outrage around the world. In the days and weeks following the uproar, a poll published in a London newspaper showed that while 70 percent of those interviewed thought Harry was wrong to sport the uniform and accompanying swastika armband, more than half of those between the ages of 18 and 24 said the choice of outfit was acceptable. What's your take on all of this? Was young Harry in the wrong on this one or do you feel the outrage reported in the media was blown out of proportion? If you were offended, upset, or disappointed by Harry's choice of costume, would your opinion change if you learned that for thousands of years Hindus from across the world have regarded the swastika as a highly-sacred sign of wisdom?

Young people do stupid things. it's a fact. And Prince Harry is young and stupid. That being said, though, Prince Harry is a prince. and a public figure. i DO NOT think was an acceptable choice of outfit. The swastika is a symbol that represents a time in history that should not in any way be glamorized. my grandparents each lost their entire families to Hilter and the holocaust. i don't, in any way, think that Harry was trying to make a point by wearing the armband. i just think he's stupid. he was in the wrong.

Q2: In a move that many see as an admission that marketers do share blame for the childhood obesity epidemic in the U.S., Kraft Foods last week announced that it would stop advertising snacks such as Oreo cookies and Kool-Aid, and instead shift its advertising budget to new lines of healthier "Sensible Solution" food products for children. Many food industry observers fear that Kraft's strategy bolsters the position of consumer advocates who favor a ban on the business of marketing junk food to children. How long do you think Kraft's new childhood obesity-sensitive advertising strategy will last, and how do you feel about vending machines placed in schools that dole out candy and soda?

it's definitely a step in the right direction. Vending machines are a huge mistake in today's schools. When children are unsupervised, of course they are going to go for the less healthy snacks and drinks - chips, cookies, and pop. By putting these foods at their fingertips, we are doing today's youth a great disservice.

Q3: Assuming you've never done any of the following, which would you pick to do this winter if forced to pick one: Learn to ice fish and spend a week with anyone you wanted doing so? Travel with anyone of your choosing to the town of Jukkasjarn, in northern Sweden, for a week's stay at the Ice Hotel, a palatial facility built each winter entirely out of ice? Or, attend a fantasy figure skating camp which culminated in your mandatory participating in a public performance in front 1,000 people, some of whom you know and work with?

i HATE being cold, so none of these things are all that appealing to me. but, if i had to choose one, i'd probably say the Ice Hotel....at least that way i could visit Sweden...and feel like i'm on the Amazing Race!

Q4: Much has been made over the last month or so about the $40-$50 million price-tag for yesterday's Presidential Inauguration in the U.S., paid almost entirely from non-governmental sources, i.e., private donations. Former Enron executive, Rich Kinder and his wife Nancy, donated $250,000 to the inauguration, while Texas oilman T. Boone Pickens--who put $2.5 million of his own money behind the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth ads that ran during the 2004 election--also donated $250,000 to the inaugural event. On the corporate side of the equation, Exxon Mobil Corporation, Ford Motor Company, Goldman Sachs, Sallie Mae, Time Warner, SBC, Home Depot, Northrop Grumman, the National Association of Realtors, Morgan Stanley's PAC, Anheuser-Busch, AT&T, Bank of America, BlueCross BlueShield of Florida, and Cisco Systems, just to name a few, each donated $100,000 or more. How do you feel about the amount of private money raised and spent on these inaugural events?

this is private money. it's not my money being spent, so i really don't care all that much. these companies and people are fortunate that they have all this money to blow on an inaugural event. and, let's be honest, the democrats will do the exact same thing in 4 years when they elect the next president. :)

Marissa eats a sandwich!!!


or does she? methinks not. i hardly believe that Mischa Barton ate any of that cheeseburger. Maybe in the OC land, girls like Summer and Marissa make a habit of eating In and Out burgers and don't exercise...but in real life...get real! these girls DO NOT eat. and they exercise their asses off. Poor Lindsay and her zone meal..

okay...here's the thing. greasy fries and coffee? a recipe for a drunk person who hasn't eaten anything? i don't think so. i think that's a recipe for a puke-filled evening. and also, why did Ryan think that leaving Lindsay, who was drunk, by the ocean, by herself, was a smart idea?? not the brightest bulb last night, was he?

also, whoever took passed-out Lindsay into Alex's office clearly wasn't thinking either. why did they leave her purse by the beach? what the hell?

and the comic book club? brilliant!

Britney Spears was snapped browsing in Babystyle in Santa Monica, California, before spending $34 on a two piece swimsuit. Fellow shopper Jenny Dyke says, "She spent 20 minutes in the changing rooms. I don't know why anyone would try on clothes for pregnant women unless they are expecting themselves."

well...technically now there's two...i spent about 20 minutes typing up my pet peeve, went to publish the post, and blogger deleted it. i HATE blogger. it loses way too many of my posts.

anyway, on to the actual pet peeve...

it's windCHILL people, not winSHIELD.
i can't stand it when people, like the dj i heard on the radio this morning, use this word improperly. example: "It's so cold today. it's -50 with the windshield."

no, buddy. windshield is the big piece of glass sitting between you and the pavement.

and it's sooo cold today. it's -19c (that's -2f). and it's probably like -80 with the windchill.

so, last night i plopped myself in front of my tv and watched all the shows i'd pvr'ed. it was so nice to just relax and do NOTHING. i feel like i'm always running around.

The Amazing Race
I swear i don't even know where to begin on this one. This might have been my most favorite episode of the season. There was much whooping, clapping, and all around breathing a sigh of relief when Jonathan and Victoria stepped on the Amazing Carpet and were Philiminated. I'm not sure who was happier...me or Phil. The look on his face was just classic.

Okay..Rebecca's "too many questions" line...rude! i have a question, Rebecca. Why on earth would you try to HELP Jonathan and Victoria???? Why wouldn't you yield them, assuring their elimination. If they felt they needed to yield someone, the team in last place is the one to yield. see, it would assure that A&R wouldn't come in last, and once ass and Victoria were eliminated, there wouldn't be anyone left to be angry with you for yielding.

okay, Adam's little break-down hissy-fit? what was that all about? he's such a freak-show, i can't even handle it. but, for some reason, i still want them to win. And i'm not sure why, i got a huge kick out of the line, "I’ve never placed a jug on a roof before."

Kendra...oh Kendra...“It’s gonna be all...third-world. We just CAME from the third world.” and “It’s like these people actually CHOOSE to be this way.”

Bolo needs to get hooked on phonics. I kind of liked how "Nice" rhymed with "Rice"
though. i'll forgive him, though, since he's lost 20 pounds and can still lift a donkey. and Phil...“You guys just…really don’t smell so good right now.”

My love for Aaron grows this week when he says, “I’m good at leading asses" and motions to Hayden. hit. the. nail. on. the. head. did you catch Hayden when she woke up in the airport. i was dying.

not much kris and jon this week. here's to hoping Jon takes his shirt off next week.

American Idol
okay...here's who i laughed at:
~Mary Roach - holy heck, she's creepy as hell.
~Derek Braxton (sure he's related to Toni...)
~Jesse, the Josh Groban guy. here's a tip - don't audition with a song you don't know. or can't sing.
~5.9 voices
~the triplets. 'nuff said.
~joe with the entourage.
~the cannibal ("we taste like bacon") with the panic room
~the munchkin/midget....i still don't think she's a girl, though...
~Dirk and Adam...how can you NOT laugh at this year's William Hungs? David Hasselhoff...ha!
~The Brian McKnight Dude (especially when he made Paula choke on her coke)
~The Proud Mary montage. funny.

here's who i liked:
~Carrie the farmer.
~Obsourne Smith
~Sarah Mather, the Rescue Me girl.

funniest lines 1."Do you know how hard it is to get a rat job?" (Paula) and 2. "God wants her to be hot." (Mark McGrath)

1. Open up the music player on your computer.

2. Set it to play your entire music collection.

3. Hit the "shuffle" command.

4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. Write it up in your blog or journal and link back to at least a couple of the other sites where you saw this.

5. If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurances. You don't have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you'd like.

Here's my list:

1. Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
2. Possum Kingdom - Toadies
3. I Want Love - Elton John
4. Let the Rain Fall Down - Hilary Duff
5. Sunday Bloody Sunday (live) - U2
6. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
7. Edelweiss - Sound of Music Soundtrack
8. Longview - Green Day
9. Let That Be Enough - Switchfoot
10. Picture - Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock

Come on, try it. all the cool kids are doing it!!!!

looking over my list...i'm not ALL that embarrassed by it. Sure, i'd like to erase the Hilary Duff song...but, honestly, it's on there because of my daughter, not because of me. as is the Sound of Music song...

why, oh, why can't I find this in Canada??



I'm learning to make do without certain American cereals...and i stock up on my balanace bars and i get my abercrombie fix when i visit my family...but chapstick? why can't they bring that over?

i can see it at the border now...
"Chapstick? sure, you can bring all the other flavors into Canada...but no! not the medicated! we won't let you bring in the ONE kind of chapstick that ACTUALLY works on chapped lips...heaven forbid. we'll let you Canadians have the crappy cherry flavor and we'll even toss in the mint."

~~ it seems that it was Tobey Maguire, not Orlando Bloom, who was supposed to introduce the Aviator at Sunday's Golden Globes. Tobey pulled out at the last minute. Apparantly, Spidey has been packing on the pounds and his handlers didn't want him making any public appearances until he tones down a little. ha!

~~ it seems that it didn't take them long to come out with this:


and i know what y'all are thinking...just because i bought the "save mary kate" t-shirt...does NOT mean that i'm going to buy this one...

~~ it seems that Jude Law is going to marry Sienna Miller in Fiji. Lucky bee-otch.

~~ it seems that Kevin Federline has gotten himself a disastrous new 'do.

yikes!!

1.At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.


2.Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.


3.Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.


4.Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".


5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.


6.In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".


7.Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."


8.Don't use any punctuation marks.


9.As often as possible, skip rather than walk.


10.Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.


11.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".


12.Sing along at the opera.


13.Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.


14.Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.


15.Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.


16.Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.


17.When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! third time this week!!!!!"


18.When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"


19.Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

okay...so i know it's a re-post. but it's a good one...and i'm in need of a good laugh today. i'm so bored at work...there's NOTHING to do.

It won’t surprise me if Leonardo di Caprio wins the best actor Oscar this year for his fantastic performance as the OCD-ridden Howard Hughes in The Aviator.

Quite simply, Oscar loves mental illness.

Last night, after we had watched the movie, Gav and I tried to come up with all the actors and actresses who were nominated or won Oscars based on these type of parts.

Once we got started, we couldn’t stop. Sure, there are the obvious ones – Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, Geoffrey Rush in Shine, Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot, and Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind.

But, the list does not end there….there are tons…
There are the insane ones:
Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs
Brad Pitt in Twelve Monkeys
Charlize Theron in Monster
Nigel Hawthorne in The Madness of King George
Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted
Ed Harris in Pollack

There are the ones with the physical disabilities:
Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects (cripple)
Gary Sinise in Forrest Gump (cripple)
Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman (blind)
Marlee Matlin in Children of a Lesser God (deaf)
Tom Cruise in Born on the Fourth of July (cripple)
John Hurt in The Elephant Man (Proteous Syndrome)
Holly Hunter in the Piano (mute)

and there are the ones with the mental disabilities:
Michael Clarke Duncan in The Green Mile
Leonardo di Caprio in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Sean Penn in I Am Sam
Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade
Cliff Robertson in Charly

Brad Pitt and the woman with whom he was strolling through the streets of romantic Costiera Amalfi, Italy, on Oct. 30, looked like head-over-heels lovers, perhaps even newlyweds.

“There really seemed to be a chemistry between them,” said one onlooker. Unfortunately for Jennifer Aniston, she wasn’t the woman on her husband’s arm — it was Angelina Jolie. Star has never-before-seen photos showing the movie stars as they tenderly touched in the small, quaint seaside resort town near Naples.

If you watch Oprah, then you know who Nate Berkus is. He's her favorite interior designer.
Unfortunately, Nate is now in the news for something other than his ability to redecorate a room. Nate is a survivor of the Tsunami disaster.

Nate and his partner, photographer Fernando Bengoechea, were vacationing in Sri Lanka when the tsunami hit. While Nate survived, Fernando is still misssing, and is presumed dead.

Nate described the tidal wave: "All of a sudden the roof was ripped off the cottage, and my friend and I were taken out to sea. We were able to hang on to a telephone pole with a mattress wedged between us for literally 30 seconds. There was a calm in the storm, and then another wave hit. Both of us were torn away from the phone pole."
Berkus said he climbed to safety on the roof of a home.

Curiously, the original http://fernandoandnate.blogspot.com has been deleted, and there's a redirect to oprah.com. The obvious answer is that Oprah and Harpo are retaining some sort of rights to Nate's Story.
Luckily, through the wonder of science and a little bit of cheating, i was able to get access to the original site. i would check it out before it's gone for good.

My heart goes out to Nate Berkus and Fernando's family. What a horrible tragedy.

Kate Stelnick, 19, of Princeton, N.J., who weighs just 100 pounds, became the first person to eat a six-pound hamburger - and five pounds of fixins’ - within three hours.

Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub got nationwide attention when it introduced the massive hamburger, which is loaded with six pounds of meat, one large onion, two whole tomatoes, one half head of lettuce, 1 1/4 pounds of cheese, top and bottom buns, and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, relish, banana peppers and some pickles.




Stelnick spent the two days prior to the feast by fasting. “I felt very full, but I was too excited that I actually ate it to notice,'’ Stelnick said.

A feat in its own right, not even competitive eater Eric “Badlands'’ Booker could finish the challenge within the allotted time. The 420-pound Booker - who has eaten such things as 49 glazed doughnuts in eight minutes and two pounds of chocolate bars in six minutes - tried three times to eat the burger and finally did on his third effort. But it took Booker 7 1/2 hours.


[source: Associate Press]

You Are Jasmine!

Independent and adventurous. You don't want much; just to break out of the gilded cage society has put you in and experience life to the fullest. Following orders isn't really one of your strong points, and you would rather live a life of poverty than being forced into something that you hate.

Which Disney Princess Are You?


i'm not quite sure how accurate this is...but she's the hottest of the princesses, according to my husband....so i guess i'll take it.

Remind me again why i live in this frozen tundra? it's mornings like this when i can't imagine how the first settlers (the ones who actually survived the first winter here) didn't pack their belongings to find warmer pastures. Why on earth would one CHOOSE to live in a place this cold???

it's so cold, folks. it's that kind of cold when you walk outside and the snot inside your nose freezes. come on, you know what i'm talking about...now that's pretty fucking cold. it's the kind of cold where you don't want to get out of your warm bed. you want to drink hot chocolate and snuggle with your blankets all day.

needless to say, that is NOT what i'm doing today. i drove carpool this morning...which is always a joy. my carpool kids, Eli and Shira, are sweet kids. but they are incredibly slow-moving, like slugs. and now, i'm at work. attempting to defrost. cripes, i'm cold.

i did wear knee-high wool socks underneath my cords this morning. i take great satisfaction in the fact that my legs are super warm, and no one has any clue how dorky i look :)

According to IMDB, everyone's favorite waify elfin munchkins have decided to live apart.
perhaps it's because they are looking for some individuality.
perhaps it's because Mary Kate wants a place better suited to her favored pastime of painting
or perhaps it's simply because Mary Kate has been wearing the blankets as clothing, and Ashley's getting tired of being cold...

my Golden Globe Dish...

First and foremost...the most important thing...the clothes...obviously...

winners:
Emmy Rossum - okay, this girl is beautiful. flawless skin, gorgeous hair. she looked fantastic.

Eva Longoria - she looked amazing. the best of the housewives. even if she's "the little one who eats a lot."

other winners: Cate Blanchett, Portia de Rossi, Jennifer Garner, Drea de Matteo, Annette Bening, my entourage boys.

losers:
Charlize Theron - - is it just me, or does she always get her skin coloring wrong? she was looking a little orange last night.

Scarlett Johanssen - She looked big last night - and she's not that big of a girl. sad. Marilyn Monroe gone wrong. her lips were too red, her hair was too white...not good.

other losers: Paula Abdul, Johnny Depp, Debra Messing

on to the awards:
okay, i swear, it wouldn't be the golden globes if Meryl Streep, Glenn Close and Angelica Huston were not all nominated for something. they are nominated EVERY year! Oh, how i loved when Meryl Streep (who could poissibly be the scariest woman in Hollywood) got up on the stage and scared Natalie Portman shitless. i love love love that she won. i love Natalie Portman.

My favorite line of the night came from Teri Hatcher, who thanked ABC for giving "me a second chance at a career when I couldn't have been a bigger has-been."

Hilary Swank was so adorable when she made sure to thank her husband, Chad Lowe, who she so famously forgot to thank when she won her Oscar in 2000 for her role in Boys Don't Cry.

Can i just say how much i love Jamie Foxx? It was incredibly touching to see him get all choked up when talking about his grandmother. i heart him.

and Robin Williams? His aceptance speech was a bit slurred and quick, but some of the things he said were hilarious. Thanking the Hollywood Foreign Press for "having Prince, William Shatner, Puff Daddy and Mick Jagger on the same stage -- that is a sign of the apocalypse."

what can i say...i'm a sucker for award shows....so, you know where i'll be come Oscar night...

i'm having serious issues with the superbowl this year. The superbowl....or should i say super bowl parties have long been considered "men only." i get it. i get that once you start inviting couples, it is not the same. Women become distractions because they are there to be social, not to watch the game.

but, i'm not like most women. i actually LIKE football. but, no one really cares at all about this fact. I am woman. I stay home with children while manly man gets to eat meat and watch football. men are neanderthals.

I'm not sure that this has ever happened before. In the four games this weekend, all four teams that i wanted to win, won. i was shocked. usually, the team i want to win gets demolished. See....the Packers....

I'm still undecided about next week's games. i think i'm favoring Atlanta, for obvious reasons, and i'm liking New England. But, how awesome would it be to have a Philly/Pitt Superbowl??!

"Mommy, see, if you had never had Josh, I wouldn't hit."

so, on Friday night we decided that certain things are "blogable" - fantastic new word, btw.
A good example of something blogable: I swear i was laughing so hard at this one, it's possible that i peed a little bit.

my friend Hana was talking to someone who was telling Hana about her Siamese cat. Hana, in horror and disbelief, said, "Oh my goodness, what did you do?" The woman, not quite understanding Hana's angle said, "what do you mean, what did i do? it is a beautiful cat."

Just then, Hana understood that a siamese cat is NOT the same thing as a siamese twin.

Q1: How has the advent of the Internet changed the way you get your daily news?

I have all the news i want at my fingertips. i get into the office and can check the news right away...and not get all smudgy from newsprint. it's also so much more up-to-date than newspapers.


Q2: When you were younger, what were some things you dreamed about doing, and that you still think are possible to do today, but that you just haven't gotten around to doing or experiencing yet?

I've always wanted to write a bestseller. i believe it WILL happen....i just don't know when!

Q3: If you were forced to live on a deserted island for one year, what five things--aside from specific items of clothing--that you'd choose to bring?

chapstick, tampons, matches, swiss army knife, paper and pen (i'm counting this as one...)

Q4: Did any notable or high-profile person's death in 2004 have a dramatic or long-lasting affect on you? (Here's a short list of some of the more notable people who died in 2004: Jack Paar, Marge Schott, Sir Peter Ustinov, Alistair Cooke, Tug McGraw, Pat Tillman, Estee Lauder, Alan King, David Dellinger, Sam Dash, Tony Randall, President Ronald Reagan, Ray Charles, Marlon Brando, Isabel Sanford, Rick James, Fay Wray, Julia Child, Geoffrey Beene, Red Adair, Richard Avedon, Janet Leigh, Rodney Dangerfield, Ken Caminiti, Christopher Reeve, Pierre Salinger, Yasser Arafat, Susan Sontag, Reggie White, Jerry Orbach, Johnny Ramone.)

I am deeply saddened by the loss of Marlon Brando (the godfather and Stanley Kowalski...he is all good in my books!), Christopher Reeve (it's awfully sad to lose Superman), and Jerry Orbach (he was, after all, Dr. Houseman and i will love him forever for that!)

Okay...first and foremost, we must discuss what Lindsey was wearing in this episode. cleavage much? was it a bra? was it a shirt? whatever it was, it should be banned from today's high schools. That being said, I'm liking Ryan and Lindsay together and wish they'd stop breaking up and getting back together and finally be together. i like them.

now, zack on the other hand....he's just Blandy McDull. I hope Summer breaks up with him. although i did get quite a giggle when Summer said, "Kofi Annan... I think he works for United Airlines or something."

And i can't say that i'm sorry to see DJ go, but this of course will mean that angry, in need of a sandwich Marissa will run rampant in Newport Beach ruining everyone else's relationships...gotta love Marissa...

Oh, Sandy, how i love you! yes, the singing had a slight tinge of cheese, but it was adorable. I'd love to take you home! "You too, Mr. History of Agriculture." loved that!

I hereby resolve NOT to recommend movies to anyone. ever again.

It's not that i think i have a particularly good or bad taste in movies, I just think that it's i really really personal thing. There are people who only like action movies - the shoot 'em up kind. There are some people who only like the sappy dramas. There are some people who only like comedies.

And then there's me. I like to think of my taste in movies are being unique. I am really into movies that are slightly off-beat...Garden State, Three Kings, Rushmore variety. There's something about these movies that are not just entertainment. They make you think on a level i think a lot of people are not capable of, or not interested in.

I also like old school teen angst movies...breakfast club, pretty in pink, dirty dancing. etc. these are just really good feelgood movies that make me think of my adolescence with a smile. i will never try to prove that they are deserving of oscars - the acting isn't top-notch and there are no special effects to speak of. but, i like them nonetheless.

I also like movies like back to the future and karate kid. they are oldies, but goodies.

I also like well-made, oscar caliber movies....the godfather, scarface-y types.

I also like old movies...breakfast at tiffany's, on the waterfront, gone with the wind. they are classics. and i love them.

i'm not crazy into big blockbuster movies....while i'll agree that lord of rings was amazing cinematography, the story bored me to tears. I can't get into the whole fantasy thing. a lot of movies like this just don't do it for me. and i'm also not crazy into the movies i'll call "saturday night live" movies, like a night at the roxbury and Superstar....think anything with Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, Will Farrell etc. (not the good SNL alum...)there are, of course, exceptions to this rule. I loved Old School, and I think Happy Gilmore was hilarious.

so, it seems that every time i recommend a movie to someone, i am so nervous that they aren't going to like it (i sit through the movie watching them...hoping they will laugh at the things i find funny, and hoping they will "get" the things that there are to get) - even though going in, i should know that someone (like my friend URI) who is very into the saturday night live-no thinking movies is in no way going to appreciate an off-beat indy movie. And an all action person is not going to be able to sit through Pretty in Pink. clearly, i should take my audience into account. and i should realize that just because a movie is for me, it's not for everyone.


i will no longer recommend Garden State to anyone. i personally think it's a fantastic movie, but most of my friends didn't like it. i guess what it comes down to is this: if you don't appreciate its beauty, it's way over your head.

from now on, i'll keep my mouth shut, and just go with the flow. :) but if you make me sit through Anchorman, i won't feel badly telling you that it SUCKS ASS!

Okay, the first problem is that my children have somehow forgotten what sleep is. Emily was in our room before 5 i think it was...i was far too unconscious to check the clock accurately. she was asking for breakfast...for tv...you name it. we actually put our feet down and said no. a little while later, after Emily had fallen asleep on my left side (and with my husband asleep on my right side...i was left clausterphobic in my own bed....grrrr...), joshie awoke at 6:15 screaming for Mommy. Gav turned down the monitor because it was absolutely killing me, but he refused to take him out of bed until 6:30 (when he got up to shower).

joshie was put in my bed, and off Gav went to shower. "milky. milky. i want milky." Yes, Joshie. "Dora. Dora. Boots-Dora. Dora." yes, Joshie.

when my husband left just before 7, that's when all hell broke loose at the Martells. Joshie climbed on top of Emily, who was desperately trying to snuggle with me. See, the second morning problem is that there is only one of me, and two children who don't like to share. it's really the only time to day that either of them have ANY interest in me, and they both refuse to budge. so, physical fighting ensues.

"i want cereal." yes, Emily. "I want cereal." Yes, Joshie.
my only way to take a shoer at 7:15 is to give them cereal in my bed. which i hate to do. crumbs everywhere. but, otherwise, a shower would be impossible.

mind you, i'm still not able to take a shower like a normal human being. emily always comes in hysterically crying because joshie dumped over her cereal. onto. my. bed. great. and then come the whines: "Joshie hit me. Joshie hurt my leg. Joshie scratched me."
"Okay, Emily, i'll be out in a minute. just give me a minute to myself so i can go to work not smelling like a barnyard...." i don't ask for much...

so, i get out of the shower. then comes the getting dressed fight...my most favorite fight of all. "no mommy, i don't want to wear this." "I'm the Mommy, Emily, this is what you are wearing." so i physically hold her down to get her dressed. Every once in a while i hit it right and pick out an outfit she's pleased with. i love those days.

finally, it's 8. time to hand the kids over to jhoanne for 30 minutes of peace to get ready for work. yeah, right. i take them downstairs, then race upstairs to the blow dryer. i'm not up there 2 minutes when i start to hear the pounding. Emily's come up - obviously something tragic has happened....

where's my nanny? doesn't she understand that spending 10 minutes at my door dealing with Emily is not part of the deal? she need to keep her downstairs!

so, i race through the blowdrying and make-up process. get downstairs and RACE out the door, because, naturally, we are late.

from my friends at tvgasm:
"i have no idea whether you watch the bachelorette, but one of the new suitors (fabrice) is gay, and an actor - i went on a few dates with him a while ago. plus now he has a boyfriend. so is that supposed to be the twist this season or something? or are these just standard reality-show lies? because he's certifiably light in the loafers, this guy. we went on several dates and he was great but we just didn't have chemistry. silly reality shows."



hmmm...something to think about...

My love for Adam and Rebecca grows this week...

Rebecca: We don’t know if Kris and Jon are going to make the flight.
Adam: Kris and Jon are five feet behind you.
ha! i was dying of laughter at that.

and when Rebecca said, "This isn’t a Fast Forward, it’s a Slow Forward.” i fell in love. and when Adam was floundering in the water, i fell in love all over again. i really hope they win.

did anyone else catch Lori dying to take of sip of Bolo's foot-flavored grape juice?

Jonathan: “I don’t know what a ‘moat’ means!!” ha! i guess they don't teach things like moats in asshole school. and when he told Victoria it was all her fault because adam and rebecca got to the fast forward first. the hell? why exactly was it victoria's fault? did you notice how peeved Phil was when Jonathan jumped on the mat?

Hayden is a first-class bitch. poor aaron. he should hook up with Rebecca.
Kris and Jon - were as awesome as always. they held their cool at the airport when their reservations got all messed up, and Kris' Lucy face was adorable.

Check out the rest of the winners of the "I Look Like My Dog Contest"

well, i finally got around to watching all the shows i missed this week.

People's Choice Awards
i don't have all that much to say about these awards...mostly because they are a complete waste of time. all you have to do is look around the audience and see who shows up to know who wins. let's see...who was in the audience...Ellen Degeneres (check), Renee Zellweger (check), Sheryl Crow (check) Will Smith (check), Matt LeBlanc (check), need i go on....

and is it just me, or is Renee Zellweger just about one of the ugliest looking people out there? and her speech? what the hell? she knew she was going to win...she could have prepared something so she wouldn't have looked like such a bumbling idiot.

i'm pleased that desperate housewives won. it would have been nice to see the other wives there, though (even if Bree is my favorite!)

Desperate Housewives

ooh...it was good this week, once again.
my two favorite lines were, of course, Bree's:
1) "Do me a favor, Rex -- please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection."
2) "i intend to french the hell out of him."

and i really am liking Angry Susan.
anyone else think that mr. pharmacist is totally GAY? i love Bree's clothing way too much...enough so that i actually say it out loud when i watch the show...
i'm thinking that Carlos' passport would not have been in that good condition..but whatever...i'm not going to get picky on this one. maybe Carlos paid extra for a fire-proof one!

The Bachelorette
no promises that i will be watching the whole season...i didn't watch the last installment of the Bachelor, but i really like Jen and it seems that the Bachelorettes have better luck than the bachelors.

i must say i'm slightly surprised with some of her choices. she's obviously got some sort of soft spot for Ben the ski instructor----because he's super dorky. And Fabrice seems like a huge ass to me. and there's something about John Paul that i really don't like. and Stu creeps the hell out of me. i'm liking Jason and Jerry (although the carrying down the stairs thing was really weird...) and Michael (the one who brought her the present) was okay.

the promo for the season makes it look pretty good, but that could have just been really good editing.

poor David - that sucks to faint on National Television...and not even get a rose...i thought she'd throw him a bone just so he wouldn't faint again...

My poor Packers played like absolute shite, and lost 31-17 to the Vikings. what is the point of coming back from being down 1-5 in the beginning of the season, if you can't step it up in the playoffs. what the hell?

in a moment of comic relief though, after receiving a 34-yard touchdown pass from Duante Culpepper, Randy Moss mooned the Green Bay Packer fans and wiped his ass on the goalpost. although it didn't really happen. he was PRETENDING folks.



i thought it was hilarious, but some, including sportscaster Joe Buck, were nonplussed. "That is a disgusting act by Randy Moss. and it's unfortunate that we have that on our air live. That is disgusting by Randy Moss." i had to pause and rewind on my tivo to see what the disgusting act actually was. had i missed something? Had Moss actually dropped his pants and i missed it?

so, there was nothing. just a little tushy shaking. yes, in poor taste, but the guy was just happy. No doubt he will "be hearing from the NFL" and will probably face a fine, but the guy didn't do anything wrong!!!!

and it was my one smile while watching that god awful game last night...

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2004!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!

Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
from you that it's good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle Infected
with a disease.

I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant. Because
you said it causes cancer.

I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I Sometimes have to
walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they Will ask
me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls
to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.

I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me They are
nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or Feathers that
are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.


I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get
sick from the rat feces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that
someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a Bathtub full
of ice.

However, the police are also after me at present because you Said not to
pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in Anticipation of the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I
participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and
neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or
forgot to follow and I got a curse.

OOPS I ALMOST FORGOT, IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten
seconds, a bird will crap on you tonight at 7:00 PM.

I'm actually quite saddened by this news. Usually, i take great pleasure when celebrity couples break up. I'm not exactly sure why it makes me happy (guess that's the sick part of my personality shining through...) but the split of Brad and Jen was news i was sad to hear.

Not only were they quite possibly the world's most good-looking couple, but they also actually looked happy to be with each other. They were always smiling and holding hands - it was sweet. i really thought they were going to last.

who's next? any calls? Ben and Jen? Demi and Ashton? Nick and Jessica? Justin and Cameron? anyone?

i can't get rid of snarky Ali! help!

Q1: If you were given 100% control over the casting of a big-budget remake of The Wizard Of Oz, who would you choose to cast in the roles of Dorothy, The Scarecrow, The Cowardly Lion, The Tin Man, The Good Witch of the North, The Wicked Witch of the West, Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, and Toto?

oh my goodness, this is really really hard. okay, here goes: Dorothy - Natalie Portman, scarecrow - Eric Stoltz, lion - Tate Donovan, tin man - Ray Romano, good witch of the north - nicole kidman, wicked witch of the west - Megan Mullaly , uncle henry - Dustin Hoffman, auntie em - Ellen Degeneres, and toto - ?? (note: there's absolutely 0% logic in my answers, they were just the first people who came to mind.)

Q2: Do you buy bottled water? If so, are you loyal to one particular brand over all others?

i do buy bottled water, but i also drink from the tap. i am not loyal to any specific brand - but i don't really like aquafina or dasani - they taste too chemically.

Q3: You are next in line in the '12 items or less' check out lane at the grocery store, and just as you're about to lay your 10 items down on the conveyor belt, you notice that the guy behind you in line is holding only one loaf of bread. As a general rule, do you offer one-loaf-man your place in line, or do you continue checking out yourself? What if roles were reversed, and instead of being in an express lane, you find yourself holding only one loaf of bread, and the person in front of you in the checkout lane has a shopping cart crammed full with groceries. Do you ask the person in front of you if you can skip ahead of them, or do you patiently wait your turn?

i would definitely let the person go ahead of me. one item. for sure. if the roles were reversed, i would try to make eye contact with the person and look like i'm in ahurry, and hope for the best. i would NEVER ask. NEVER.

Q4: If fast food had no negative effect on your long- or short-term health, do you think you'd eat more of it than you do now?

i think i'd eat more fast food if it wasn't so fattening. that, to me, is the biggest force behind why i chose not to eat fast food.

Anna Kournikova frolicks in St. Barts. And then she inspects herself.....

1) the entire morning system at Emily's school. they tell you that you can drop your child off at 8:45, but what they don't tell you is that you have to stick around until after 9, because they make them wait outside, then they let you take them inside, then you have to take their boots off outside and then i have to deal with clingy Emily (which is a new thing, only since we've come back from vaca)

also, i forgot to wear a skirt this morning...my bad.

2) people who abuse your generosity. if you are going to borrow a dvd from someone, here's two tips...a) don't keep it for 100 years. b) don't lend it out to someone else without asking first.

it's just one of those days, folks!

not to be confused with "no beef friday" - something my brother in law does - not eat meat on fridays...ha!

Today's topic is sharing recipes. When i was a kid, i remember my friend Danyelle's mom would never give out her recipes. I thought that was so rude. i mean, it was a recipe, for heaven's sake. But, as i got older, i realized she might not have been as far off the mark as i had first thought.

Now, for the record, I give out my recipes. Even my favourites. But, i'm thinking i may have made a colossal mistake in doing so.

It all started when i moved to Toronto. I had a few recipes that were "new" to the city. for example, i make this noodle kugel (it's a jewish thing...) that was not salt and pepper-y and not sweet fruity (like some of them are with apricots and what have you inside...yuck) - it was the perfect mix - something no one in Toronto had ever made. So....i began to make it. and everyone loved it. So, of course, naturally, people began asking me for the recipe. and semi-reluctantly, i gave it out. Then, over the course of the next few months, my recipe traveled like wildfire. And every time i would go to someone's house, i'd be served my kugel. my kugel. it was making my blood boil. because i would think to myself, "i didn't give x my recipe" - no, not x, but i gave it to y and she gave it to x and a and q etc.

then there was the "super salad" incident. i starting making this AMAZING salad. a huge hit. so, one of my friends asked for the recipe. of course, i gave it to her. and then all of sudden, it became "her" salad. sure, in the beginning she gave me the proper credit, but once she started making it on a weekly basis, she figured she needn't give me the credit every single time. i'm not saying that i need the credit, it's just frustrating because i no longer want to make the things that everyone's making.

there's something to be said about having something new and different. there's also something to be said about having people know there are certain things that you make and other people don't. they take comfort in knowing they can come to my house and have my taco salad. or my challah. or my brisket. or my sweet potato pie. you get the point.

now, there's another issue i have with giving out my recipes. there are a few people who i give recipes to and then they change them. They will continue to tell people that it's my recipe, even though they've completely mangled the recipe and it no longer tastes good. at this point, i'd rather they didn't tell people that this was a recipe they got from me. you change it, it's yours.

it irks me when i sit at someone's table, eating several of my dishes, and hearing someone say, "Wow, G, you make the best carrot kugel (another jewish thing)!" and she sits and smiles and says thanks, even though she knows it's the right time to say, "well, thanks, but i got the recipe from Ali." but, alas, nada.

I'll probably still continue to give out my recipes. I can't see how i can't. But occassionally, when that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond comes on where Marie teaches Debra how to make her meatballs and mislabels one of her spices so Debra's comes out horrible, I get this sort of twinge running through me...hey, that's not a bad idea. just kidding. i would never do that.

i guess i should consider it a compliment. people think that i'm a good cook, so they want to make the same things i make. but, it tough work trying to come up with new and exciting things, because all my friends have worn out all my tried and true recipes.

i'm sitting in my warm office right now...thinking about the inches of snow that are building up outside...not daring to think about how i'm going to get home...i've got 5 snow-themed movie quotes for you!

"I like to mash snow. It gives me a tremendous feeling of self satisfaction."

"This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?"

"We can't just throw him out in the snow."
"Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times."

"I'm a snow beast!"

"January 12, 1965. Very snowy that day. 12.2 inches of snow that day."

good luck!

an all out public Ashlee Simpson flogging.

It seems she got boo-ed at the orange bowl. I can't imagine why. maybe it's because she SUCKS! but that's just a theory.

Watch the video. it's totally worth it. brought a huge smile to my face.

Jude Law is engaged to marry Sienna Miller after the actress accepted his romantic Christmas Day proposal.
Miller - who met Law on the set of Alfie soon after his bitter 2003 divorce from Sadie Frost - was overcome with emotion when the actor pulled out a diamond engagement ring and asked her to wed him.
Following Miller's immediate acceptance, Law then informed his children Rafferty, Iris and Rudy of his martial plans the following day when he whisked them off for a sunny holiday in the Seychelles.
A spokeswoman for the couple, Caira Parks, last night confirmed Law and Miller will tie the knot - although they're still working on a date for the big day. She said, "It's true they are engaged. Jude has bought Sienna a big cluster diamond ring. He asked Sienna to marry him on Christmas Day. They spent Christmas together in England. They then headed to the Indian ocean. They have told their families the news and they're thrilled, as are Jude's children. They love Sienna and can't wait for the wedding. No date has been set yet and it is not known whether it will be this year. The date will depend on their filming schedules. They are both very busy at the moment."


from www.imdb.com

What an episode! awesome.

Okay, there's so much to talk about, but let's start with Freddy. My rewind button on my tivo came in handy when Freddy (in his 80's glasses - i swear, i had a pair just like that....when i was 12) was getting ready to beat the shit out of whoever dropped the gate. I must have paused and rewinded (or is it rewound?) 10 times and didn't see anything other than Hera taking a big blow as well. And then, Freddy, oh Freddy, didn't your mother teach you anything? Don't vomit in your soup bowl. that's good advice, especially when you are required to finish the bowl. My heart truly went out to the idiot when he had to eat his own puke. and....gee..thanks Kendra for pointing out the puke on the floor...way to be supportive...

my new favorites to win? Adam and Rebecca! I heart her so much. She's an animal when it comes to sucking spicy Hungarian soup. and just seeing the look on Jonathan's face when he realized that Victoria wasn't going to make it....priceless. And, she just wanted to hang out with the cool kids. Poor Rebecca....she has to spend time with her "girlfriend" even though she's completely not at all into him anymore. I am not sure why they were so late getting to the pit stop though...

Kris called Aaron "Haaron" - she's awesome. and her..."Ooh, it's very vibratey."
and i loved her support for Victoria during the soup...since it was clear that Jonathan was no help to her. "Drama queen." "You're doing it wrong."

I'm kind of sad to see Gus and Hera go...but not sad that they chose to not do the polo (gus in a speedo...narsty....not to be confused with Jon in a speedo...yum)

Welcome to Budapest! Hungary! 'nuff said. i'm still giggling. it'll never get old.

I know I'm probably in the minority here....but I kind of like Mk and Ashley's sunglasses....anyone know where i can get a pair?

And...my oh my...do i still have a crush on Uncle Jesse. He's so hot.

and just a little p.s., Ashley's looking super thin.

People are custom making Team Zissou Adidas! I couldn't be laughing any harder today.

...was the year of the wardrobe malfunctions...see Janet Jackson and Tara Reid...

Kirsten Dunst proves that 2005 might have just as much boob-slippage.

oh, this morning was a sad, sad day in new years resolution land.
I lost it with Emily. it's only January 4th. shit. that was way too quick.
Every morning at 8, my nanny is supposed to begin working. from 8-8:30, i'm supposed to have my mommy prep time where i attempt to transform myself from my sweatpants, disheveled, mommy self into a presentable working woman. It gets rather difficult when your daughter is standing at your door pounding and screaming her head off (i got smart and put the child safety lock on the door - so she can't get in).
anyway, i got very frustrated, and so i yelled. i hate that i yell. it teaches her one thing. to yell.

and to top it all off, i was running late this morning because i had the make the stew for dinner. it sits in the crock pot all day so i wanted to make sure i got it on before i left for work. i frantically peeled potatoes and chopped carrots and onions. but now, even after being washed with soap three times, my hands still stink of onions. sick.

...Miss Teri Polo.



this is seriously disturbing.

Moon Unit Zappa, the daughter of late musician Frank Zappa and no stranger to ridiculous Hollywood names, and her husband, Paul Doucette, the drummer for Matchbox Twenty, welcomed their first child, daughter Matilda Plum, on December 22nd.

New Years Resolutions:

~i will tell people i love that i love them
~i will go to the gym 3-4 times a week
~i will try to eat more fruit
~i will try to be more optimistic, and less pessimistic
~i will try to be more patient with my children - and attempt to keep my voice down at all costs
~i will be better about calling my friends
~i will be better about spending too much money
~i will write more
~i will fight less with my husband and i will be nicer to him (not counting the hair thing. i will continue to bug him about getting a hair cut and bug him about the hair cut that he gave my son)

I don't think so.

I watched Garden State last night. Yes, i was one of those mental people who went out and bought it the day it came out. yes, obsessed. i'll admit it. it's not a dirty word.

What a fantastic movie. it was so funny (gotta love the shirt that matched the wallpaper...that might have been the funniest part).

Check out Zach's blog.


In other, completely unrelated, movie news. We saw Meet the Fockers...and it was surprisingly focking funny. even my hubby enjoyed it (and he cursed his way through the first one...). We also saw The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - wow....what a terrible movie. I can't even believe it. I love Bill Murray and i think he's hysterical. But this movie was torture. so bad.

Movies on my to-see list:
Closer
Sideways
Kinsey
Aviator